Blended Family; Polar Opposite Kids

[Anonymous]

Must suck being a normal kid and then dad marries a striver with striver kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he have inattentive ADHD, learning disorders like dyslexia, or autism? He should get evaluated if there's even the mere whisp of a concern, OP.

My two bio kids are 5 years apart, and my oldest was born with special needs: ADHD/ASD/low processing speed, and other issues. We always knew the youngest would catch up with him at some point, and she did.

However they're both closely bonded, because the oldest isn't prideful, and the youngest doesn't gloat. They actually support each other nicely. I would tell your kid to mind how he comes across.

The most important thing I ever did as a parent was to raise them to do their best effort.... regardless of what that effort achieved.

Yes, we are getting him assessed. There isn't a lot in common in terms of interest. The older of the two is a late bloomer and still finding his footing- not any interests or passions outside of video games.

It's not just about dinner conversations. It's about award ceremonies and ECs, time commitments etc. End of year awards ceremonies are coming up and we already have 3 commitments in May for my bio kiddo and none for our oldest. The presence is undeniable and obvious.

How can I balance situations like this?

OP stop playing dumb. You take your aon to the award ceremony by yourself and don’t talk about it.

I'm not playing dumb. Step-dad wants to be there to celebrate. He's stepped in and stepped up in ways you wouldn't imagine. It's important to my kiddo that he's there since bio dad isn't involved.

Regardless of who ends up attending these events, our oldest isn't oblivious to them occurring.

[Anonymous]

He's in high school and only just now being assessed?

Why are you raising your child with someone who is so lacking in parenting initiative?

[Anonymous]

Jeez, why not just date. Forced families rarely work out and second marriages have a high divorce rate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he have inattentive ADHD, learning disorders like dyslexia, or autism? He should get evaluated if there's even the mere whisp of a concern, OP.

My two bio kids are 5 years apart, and my oldest was born with special needs: ADHD/ASD/low processing speed, and other issues. We always knew the youngest would catch up with him at some point, and she did.

However they're both closely bonded, because the oldest isn't prideful, and the youngest doesn't gloat. They actually support each other nicely. I would tell your kid to mind how he comes across.

The most important thing I ever did as a parent was to raise them to do their best effort.... regardless of what that effort achieved.

Yes, we are getting him assessed. There isn't a lot in common in terms of interest. The older of the two is a late bloomer and still finding his footing- not any interests or passions outside of video games.

It's not just about dinner conversations. It's about award ceremonies and ECs, time commitments etc. End of year awards ceremonies are coming up and we already have 3 commitments in May for my bio kiddo and none for our oldest. The presence is undeniable and obvious.

How can I balance situations like this?

OP stop playing dumb. You take your aon to the award ceremony by yourself and don’t talk about it.

I'm not playing dumb. Step-dad wants to be there to celebrate. He's stepped in and stepped up in ways you wouldn't imagine. It's important to my kiddo that he's there since bio dad isn't involved.

Regardless of who ends up attending these events, our oldest isn't oblivious to them occurring.

again stop playing dumb. if you actually care, you tone down all of the stuff around the younger kid, and find ways to boost and spend time with the older kid. not saying to keep anything a secret, but frankly, you don’t need to say anything at all about your kid’s 4th honor roll ceremony of the year or whatever.

My kid is behind (in some ways) his cousins and while I don’t mind hearing about what they’re doing, at a certain point, everyone needs to stfu about how wonderful their kid is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he have inattentive ADHD, learning disorders like dyslexia, or autism? He should get evaluated if there's even the mere whisp of a concern, OP.

My two bio kids are 5 years apart, and my oldest was born with special needs: ADHD/ASD/low processing speed, and other issues. We always knew the youngest would catch up with him at some point, and she did.

However they're both closely bonded, because the oldest isn't prideful, and the youngest doesn't gloat. They actually support each other nicely. I would tell your kid to mind how he comes across.

The most important thing I ever did as a parent was to raise them to do their best effort.... regardless of what that effort achieved.

Yes, we are getting him assessed. There isn't a lot in common in terms of interest. The older of the two is a late bloomer and still finding his footing- not any interests or passions outside of video games.

It's not just about dinner conversations. It's about award ceremonies and ECs, time commitments etc. End of year awards ceremonies are coming up and we already have 3 commitments in May for my bio kiddo and none for our oldest. The presence is undeniable and obvious.

How can I balance situations like this?

Plan fun things to do with the older kid. Esports conference? Escape room? Ropes course? A movie he likes or a new restaurant? He doesn't have to win a prize for you to spend time with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he have inattentive ADHD, learning disorders like dyslexia, or autism? He should get evaluated if there's even the mere whisp of a concern, OP.

My two bio kids are 5 years apart, and my oldest was born with special needs: ADHD/ASD/low processing speed, and other issues. We always knew the youngest would catch up with him at some point, and she did.

However they're both closely bonded, because the oldest isn't prideful, and the youngest doesn't gloat. They actually support each other nicely. I would tell your kid to mind how he comes across.

The most important thing I ever did as a parent was to raise them to do their best effort.... regardless of what that effort achieved.

Yes, we are getting him assessed. There isn't a lot in common in terms of interest. The older of the two is a late bloomer and still finding his footing- not any interests or passions outside of video games.

It's not just about dinner conversations. It's about award ceremonies and ECs, time commitments etc. End of year awards ceremonies are coming up and we already have 3 commitments in May for my bio kiddo and none for our oldest. The presence is undeniable and obvious.

How can I balance situations like this?

OP stop playing dumb. You take your aon to the award ceremony by yourself and don’t talk about it.

I'm not playing dumb. Step-dad wants to be there to celebrate. He's stepped in and stepped up in ways you wouldn't imagine. It's important to my kiddo that he's there since bio dad isn't involved.

Regardless of who ends up attending these events, our oldest isn't oblivious to them occurring.

Fine, but does stepson care? Is it possible you're the one who sees the difference as failure but stepson is content? After all, he doesn't have to prove his worth and compensate for an absent father like bio son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he have inattentive ADHD, learning disorders like dyslexia, or autism? He should get evaluated if there's even the mere whisp of a concern, OP.

My two bio kids are 5 years apart, and my oldest was born with special needs: ADHD/ASD/low processing speed, and other issues. We always knew the youngest would catch up with him at some point, and she did.

However they're both closely bonded, because the oldest isn't prideful, and the youngest doesn't gloat. They actually support each other nicely. I would tell your kid to mind how he comes across.

The most important thing I ever did as a parent was to raise them to do their best effort.... regardless of what that effort achieved.

Yes, we are getting him assessed. There isn't a lot in common in terms of interest. The older of the two is a late bloomer and still finding his footing- not any interests or passions outside of video games.

It's not just about dinner conversations. It's about award ceremonies and ECs, time commitments etc. End of year awards ceremonies are coming up and we already have 3 commitments in May for my bio kiddo and none for our oldest. The presence is undeniable and obvious.

How can I balance situations like this?

OP stop playing dumb. You take your aon to the award ceremony by yourself and don’t talk about it.

I'm not playing dumb. Step-dad wants to be there to celebrate. He's stepped in and stepped up in ways you wouldn't imagine. It's important to my kiddo that he's there since bio dad isn't involved.

Regardless of who ends up attending these events, our oldest isn't oblivious to them occurring.

again stop playing dumb. if you actually care, you tone down all of the stuff around the younger kid, and find ways to boost and spend time with the older kid. not saying to keep anything a secret, but frankly, you don’t need to say anything at all about your kid’s 4th honor roll ceremony of the year or whatever.

My kid is behind (in some ways) his cousins and while I don’t mind hearing about what they’re doing, at a certain point, everyone needs to stfu about how wonderful their kid is.

So OP should not celebrate their child and take pitty on others? How is this balanced?

Should your family walk on egg shells around you because you failed your child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he have inattentive ADHD, learning disorders like dyslexia, or autism? He should get evaluated if there's even the mere whisp of a concern, OP.

My two bio kids are 5 years apart, and my oldest was born with special needs: ADHD/ASD/low processing speed, and other issues. We always knew the youngest would catch up with him at some point, and she did.

However they're both closely bonded, because the oldest isn't prideful, and the youngest doesn't gloat. They actually support each other nicely. I would tell your kid to mind how he comes across.

The most important thing I ever did as a parent was to raise them to do their best effort.... regardless of what that effort achieved.

Yes, we are getting him assessed. There isn't a lot in common in terms of interest. The older of the two is a late bloomer and still finding his footing- not any interests or passions outside of video games.

It's not just about dinner conversations. It's about award ceremonies and ECs, time commitments etc. End of year awards ceremonies are coming up and we already have 3 commitments in May for my bio kiddo and none for our oldest. The presence is undeniable and obvious.

How can I balance situations like this?

OP stop playing dumb. You take your aon to the award ceremony by yourself and don’t talk about it.

I'm not playing dumb. Step-dad wants to be there to celebrate. He's stepped in and stepped up in ways you wouldn't imagine. It's important to my kiddo that he's there since bio dad isn't involved.

Regardless of who ends up attending these events, our oldest isn't oblivious to them occurring.

Fine, but does stepson care? Is it possible you're the one who sees the difference as failure but stepson is content? After all, he doesn't have to prove his worth and compensate for an absent father like bio son.

I'm OP. I'm not sure if he cares. He's very very quiet. We are starting him in therapy to find out what he keeps in his head. Even when we are direct, he is a people pleaser and gives a middle of the road answer. He's very hard to pin down.

And I agree, not having to overcompensate has a huge effect on mindset and self-esteem. He's much more confident in that regard.

[Anonymous]

How long did you date? How did you plan to handle this when you decided to marry and blend the families?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he have inattentive ADHD, learning disorders like dyslexia, or autism? He should get evaluated if there's even the mere whisp of a concern, OP.

My two bio kids are 5 years apart, and my oldest was born with special needs: ADHD/ASD/low processing speed, and other issues. We always knew the youngest would catch up with him at some point, and she did.

However they're both closely bonded, because the oldest isn't prideful, and the youngest doesn't gloat. They actually support each other nicely. I would tell your kid to mind how he comes across.

The most important thing I ever did as a parent was to raise them to do their best effort.... regardless of what that effort achieved.

Yes, we are getting him assessed. There isn't a lot in common in terms of interest. The older of the two is a late bloomer and still finding his footing- not any interests or passions outside of video games.

It's not just about dinner conversations. It's about award ceremonies and ECs, time commitments etc. End of year awards ceremonies are coming up and we already have 3 commitments in May for my bio kiddo and none for our oldest. The presence is undeniable and obvious.

How can I balance situations like this?

OP stop playing dumb. You take your aon to the award ceremony by yourself and don’t talk about it.

I'm not playing dumb. Step-dad wants to be there to celebrate. He's stepped in and stepped up in ways you wouldn't imagine. It's important to my kiddo that he's there since bio dad isn't involved.

Regardless of who ends up attending these events, our oldest isn't oblivious to them occurring.

Fine, but does stepson care? Is it possible you're the one who sees the difference as failure but stepson is content? After all, he doesn't have to prove his worth and compensate for an absent father like bio son.

I'm OP. I'm not sure if he cares. He's very very quiet. We are starting him in therapy to find out what he keeps in his head. Even when we are direct, he is a people pleaser and gives a middle of the road answer. He's very hard to pin down.

And I agree, not having to overcompensate has a huge effect on mindset and self-esteem. He's much more confident in that regard.

Is his mother in his life?

[Anonymous]

So basically he's been forced to live with you and your kid, and now you're trying to fix him?

[Anonymous]

We are starting him in therapy to find out what he keeps in his head.

That’s…not a healthy way to put it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he have inattentive ADHD, learning disorders like dyslexia, or autism? He should get evaluated if there's even the mere whisp of a concern, OP.

My two bio kids are 5 years apart, and my oldest was born with special needs: ADHD/ASD/low processing speed, and other issues. We always knew the youngest would catch up with him at some point, and she did.

However they're both closely bonded, because the oldest isn't prideful, and the youngest doesn't gloat. They actually support each other nicely. I would tell your kid to mind how he comes across.

The most important thing I ever did as a parent was to raise them to do their best effort.... regardless of what that effort achieved.

Yes, we are getting him assessed. There isn't a lot in common in terms of interest. The older of the two is a late bloomer and still finding his footing- not any interests or passions outside of video games.

It's not just about dinner conversations. It's about award ceremonies and ECs, time commitments etc. End of year awards ceremonies are coming up and we already have 3 commitments in May for my bio kiddo and none for our oldest. The presence is undeniable and obvious.

How can I balance situations like this?

OP stop playing dumb. You take your aon to the award ceremony by yourself and don’t talk about it.

I'm not playing dumb. Step-dad wants to be there to celebrate. He's stepped in and stepped up in ways you wouldn't imagine. It's important to my kiddo that he's there since bio dad isn't involved.

Regardless of who ends up attending these events, our oldest isn't oblivious to them occurring.

Fine, but does stepson care? Is it possible you're the one who sees the difference as failure but stepson is content? After all, he doesn't have to prove his worth and compensate for an absent father like bio son.

I'm OP. I'm not sure if he cares. He's very very quiet. We are starting him in therapy to find out what he keeps in his head. Even when we are direct, he is a people pleaser and gives a middle of the road answer. He's very hard to pin down.

And I agree, not having to overcompensate has a huge effect on mindset and self-esteem. He's much more confident in that regard.

Is his mother in his life?

No, not really. She remarried and started a new family and he has a half-sibling 10 years younger than him who gets all the attention. I'm absolutely hypervigilent of this and that's why I care so much.

[Anonymous]

It’s not that deep. It’s likely your non-bio child will be just as happy or even happier than your child.