IVF - what do you wish you'd known before you started

[Anonymous]

That pregnancy, childbirth and what follows is more challenging. This is just the beginning

Daily shots and procedures that are akin to a Pap smear will pale in comparison to the stress of carrying a badly wanted baby and the pain involved with dealing with it.

Looking back I was very stressed and fearing IVF and I wish I hadn’t done it. I wasn’t meant to have children.

[Anonymous]

Personally, I feel that the time commitment wasn't well explained. I have done three egg retrievals at this point. Other than the surgery, which you do need to take at least the morning off for, fitting in three to four monitoring appointments in the morning window wasn't so bad.

If you are not used to administering shots, its not that bad until the end when its difficult psychologically to keep going because your stomach may be bruising etc.

Really, the worst is the insane amount of pressure if you are private pay and this is a huge commitment for you and your spouse and what next. Once the federal plans took over I am way more calm, sucks that our first two had this huge price tag that really has affected our lives and grateful that its not a huge issue this time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That pregnancy, childbirth and what follows is more challenging. This is just the beginning

Daily shots and procedures that are akin to a Pap smear will pale in comparison to the stress of carrying a badly wanted baby and the pain involved with dealing with it.

Looking back I was very stressed and fearing IVF and I wish I hadn’t done it. I wasn’t meant to have children.

Uh this is pretty insensitive to post for people who are desperately trying to have a baby. But beyond that, the OP says secondary infertility so apparently she has made the assessment that she was meant to have children.

[Anonymous]

You’re just a number at Shady Grove. The practice is one of the best so good choice going with them. But don’t expect hand holding, friendships, or any familiarity with the nurses/staff. Keep in mind you’re there for a baby…not a friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Based on advice from others, my partner and I sat down and talked about the what-ifs and drew some physical, mental, and financial boundaries. We wrote down what we agreed to so we could remember accurately what we discussed. For us, we decided on no more than 3 fresh retrievals or $100k, which ever came first. No donor eggs or embryos. We would only implant 1 at a time. We would freeze any leftover embryos and not make any decisions until our youngest child was 1 yr old.

At the time I was heavily involved on the Resolve message boards and I watched many people chase after a successful pregnancy “by any means necessary” only to have their marriage fall apart from the stress or dig themselves into an impossible financial situation. I was determined to make sure my own mental health, my marriage, and my financial future were prioritized when I was in the throes of hormone shots possibly chasing sunk costs.

Not trying to be dismissive but I am going to assume that you had an early success. I am made these parameters for myself as well, but already have exceeded what I thought I would personally. If you have actually held to this without success, please share because I would be interested to hear if both you and partner have made peace. I am okay with stopping where we are, spouse is not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That I wasn't alone. I think more of our friends with kids did IVF or IUI to conceive than those that didn't.

2.3% of births are IVF. Just wanted to throw that out there, of course your friends and self could all be 40 plus parents. Also, this means that there could be more lurking that were not successful. Sadly, it is not guaranteed and its something that is difficult to come to terms with. Luckily, you are parents OP so that will ease the extreme disappointment should you not be successful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That I wasn't alone. I think more of our friends with kids did IVF or IUI to conceive than those that didn't.

2.3% of births are IVF. Just wanted to throw that out there, of course your friends and self could all be 40 plus parents. Also, this means that there could be more lurking that were not successful. Sadly, it is not guaranteed and its something that is difficult to come to terms with. Luckily, you are parents OP so that will ease the extreme disappointment should you not be successful.

More people have experience with ART than that 2.3% implies, because it's 2.3% of births, not 2.3% of parents. I have a living child and have had to use IVF for my current pregnancy - out of the 6 women I keep up with from my PACE group, none used ART for their first child and 4 have used IVF to try to get pregnant a second child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That I wasn't alone. I think more of our friends with kids did IVF or IUI to conceive than those that didn't.

2.3% of births are IVF. Just wanted to throw that out there, of course your friends and self could all be 40 plus parents. Also, this means that there could be more lurking that were not successful. Sadly, it is not guaranteed and its something that is difficult to come to terms with. Luckily, you are parents OP so that will ease the extreme disappointment should you not be successful.

More people have experience with ART than that 2.3% implies, because it's 2.3% of births, not 2.3% of parents. I have a living child and have had to use IVF for my current pregnancy - out of the 6 women I keep up with from my PACE group, none used ART for their first child and 4 have used IVF to try to get pregnant a second child.

That is literally what I said genius. My point is that not everyone is successful which seems to be who the majority of responses are from.

[Anonymous]

I set financial limits for myself, but then I exceeded them. It worked out for me in the end, so I dont have regrets. (Also, childcare costs per kid can make IVF look inexpensive). I did realize that parenthood was more important to me than alternative uses of the money. I also realize that I was pretty lucky. Things could have easily gone another way.

[Anonymous]

Drink a lot of water upon waking before morning monitoring- it makes it easier for them to get blood. If they run out of spots in your arm, you can use the tops of your hands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That pregnancy, childbirth and what follows is more challenging. This is just the beginning

Daily shots and procedures that are akin to a Pap smear will pale in comparison to the stress of carrying a badly wanted baby and the pain involved with dealing with it.

Looking back I was very stressed and fearing IVF and I wish I hadn’t done it. I wasn’t meant to have children.

I'm genuinely sorry for all you went through, PP. To OP, for what it's worth, I have had a really fun, rewarding experience as a parent (due largely to a supportive partner), that has eclipsed the difficulties of IVF. Everybody - and every body - is different.

None of that is to diminish PP's pain, though. Glad to discuss some mental health resources if needed. Sending my best.

[Anonymous]

PP, OP says second infertility. They are like this random poster who is being really negative about having kids on a board with people facing infertility.

[Anonymous]

I was really glad we did shared risk, since it took away the financial impact of failure. This was before there was any Fed insurance coverage. My husband was in charge of all the shots and mixing meds, which really helped (I only did my own shots on work travel).

IMHO, the stress of infertility was worse than when I had breast cancer a few years later. I am glad I made it through both experiences and wish you the best!