Mean kids at the park

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have an almost 3 year old and I find myself having to constantly monitor other children at the park. My daughter is sweet and outgoing and during almost every playground visit there are several kids being flagrantly unkind to her or others. I’m talking blocking people from using the equipment, telling other children that they can’t play with them and don’t like them, and pushing. Today two little girls treated my daughter poorly and when she went off to play alone, they followed her and remarked, “she’s really sad and we’re really happy.” With older kids I understand being more hands off, but why are people ignoring their preschoolers at the park? I’m tired of being kind about it and trying to reason with the kids, and have started saying within earshot, “I’m sure there are nice kids here, come on.”

I have older kids. As long as your 3 year old is on age appropriate equipment, I would not hesitate to say something to children who are being a PIA. The ones who block equipment are the worst! I'd never hesitate to tell those little f****ers to move on.

[Anonymous]

My kid throws sand at kids who are mean. Seems to work well.

[Anonymous]

Wait a sec. Your child is 2 years old? You are saying other 2 year olds are doing this? Or your TWO year old is wanting to play with five or six year old girls? That is age span is more common that they are making comments like that not other 2 year olds. They might not want to play with someone so much younger.

[Anonymous]

Which park is this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have an almost 3 year old and I find myself having to constantly monitor other children at the park. My daughter is sweet and outgoing and during almost every playground visit there are several kids being flagrantly unkind to her or others. I’m talking blocking people from using the equipment, telling other children that they can’t play with them and don’t like them, and pushing. Today two little girls treated my daughter poorly and when she went off to play alone, they followed her and remarked, “she’s really sad and we’re really happy.” With older kids I understand being more hands off, but why are people ignoring their preschoolers at the park? I’m tired of being kind about it and trying to reason with the kids, and have started saying within earshot, “I’m sure there are nice kids here, come on.”

It’s always by parents or Nannies not paying attention. You should say calmly but firmly please leave her alone and then do something really fun that requires a parent like those spinny things etc so they can’t follow your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait a sec. Your child is 2 years old? You are saying other 2 year olds are doing this? Or your TWO year old is wanting to play with five or six year old girls? That is age span is more common that they are making comments like that not other 2 year olds. They might not want to play with someone so much younger.

+1 I was wondering about this too. Also what is the target age for the playground? My local playground has a 2-5yo section and a 5-12yo section and if there are bigger kids there I don’t let my preschoolers play on the 5-12 section so the big kids don’t have to trip over them.

For physical problems (blocking equipment, pushing, etc), I will either remove my child or tell the other kids to stop regardless of age and I think that’s fine and I hope another parent would scold my kids if they’re pushing or not playing fair. For social problems (people telling my kid they don’t like them/don’t want to play with them), I provide examples/guidance to my kids by suggesting that they find other kids to play with or that bigger kids don’t always want to play with littler kids. I don’t correct the other kids. And I think it makes sense to start letting kids sort out their own social situations around 3/4 and that’s when a bit more of a distant approach on the playground makes sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait a sec. Your child is 2 years old? You are saying other 2 year olds are doing this? Or your TWO year old is wanting to play with five or six year old girls? That is age span is more common that they are making comments like that not other 2 year olds. They might not want to play with someone so much younger.

+1 I was wondering about this too. Also what is the target age for the playground? My local playground has a 2-5yo section and a 5-12yo section and if there are bigger kids there I don’t let my preschoolers play on the 5-12 section so the big kids don’t have to trip over them.

For physical problems (blocking equipment, pushing, etc), I will either remove my child or tell the other kids to stop regardless of age and I think that’s fine and I hope another parent would scold my kids if they’re pushing or not playing fair. For social problems (people telling my kid they don’t like them/don’t want to play with them), I provide examples/guidance to my kids by suggesting that they find other kids to play with or that bigger kids don’t always want to play with littler kids. I don’t correct the other kids. And I think it makes sense to start letting kids sort out their own social situations around 3/4 and that’s when a bit more of a distant approach on the playground makes sense.

Yes to all of this.

[Anonymous]

That is kind of par for the course with toddlers-preschoolers. They are just starting to figure out sharing, that the slide isn’t “theirs”, etc.

Sucks that other parents aren’t monitoring. But I think you are taking it too personally & creating 3 year old mean girls in your head. If your DD is playing with other similarly aged kids, go ahead & correctly them directly - they aren’t going to understand snarky comments made about them within earshot. If that would be effective with the kids, they are not in your DDs age range, & you can help redirect her towards kids/play areas for her age group.

[Anonymous]

This is bizarre, I have a toddler and we haven’t had issues like this at any playgrounds. Are you in DC?

[Anonymous]

This happens most weekends at Cemyjontri Park in McLean - among kids who are the same age or nearly so. Parents or nannies either do not care or are too busy playing with their phones. sad.

[Anonymous]

pP. Sorry. Meant among (older than 5 yo) kids who are nearly the same age as each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have never had a problem with telling other kids when they are being jerks. Let the little monsters go tell mommy. I'd be happy to discuss her poor patenting and how she's raising a sociopath. I'm comfortable with this conversations.

Yeah I kind of agree. Three is too young to fend for oneself with jerky kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Speak up when other kids are blocking the equipment or pushing. “ excuse me, Sally would like a turn down the slide.” And if they push or hit, sternly say “do not push my daughter”.

Sadly, you can’t do much about them not wanting to play with your daughter or them making snide comments.

This. Kids need to know that their parents have their backs. That helps give them the confidence to speak up for themselves when they have the vocabulary and ability.

[Anonymous]

That's annoying OP. I'd miss be your kid away from them or leave, which sound like it's what you did.

The problem there is not lack of closure supervision. I have a kindergartner and I don't hover over her at the playground. However, I do pay enough attention that if I see something amiss, I can go give an instruction or call her over for one. I was at the playground last week and chatting with another parent when I noticed something that didn't look right on the playground. I walked over and could see my DD was climbing over another kid she thought was moving too slow. I gave her one warning to stop and she did, and then I told her she needs to give space or we have to leave. Then I went back to my conversation. It's not that hard.

But a lot of caregivers will rely on "I think kids should work this out themselves." Uh, no, that's how you get a lord of the flies situation with bullying and sometimes violent behavior, because if kids don't get consistent reinforcement of behavioral expectations, they will gravitate towards selfish, often mean or unkind behavior. Most kids are not naturally kind-- you need to socialize them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same age kid and I also hate when other kids are more or less unsupervised at the playground. I haven’t encounter as mean behavior as you describe but behavior that still needs intervention and I never know what to do. Usually it’s nannies sitting around chatting with each other or on the phone so they’re not supervising. I will usually try to redirect my child away from such kids though. I will make statements like an earlier PP suggested, too.

Agree that nannies can be an issue (they were today) but I’ve seen an equal amount of this hands off attitude with parents when they’re with friends. I’ve stopped going to a certain playground because it’s frequented by a group of parents who just ignore their kids and sit around chatting with each other. I feel like some parents are sick of their kids (been there!) and think that going to the park is a free pass to stop supervising them. Again, older kids need to know how to resolve issues/find an adult to help when needed, but three year olds aren’t there yet.

I’m a SAHM so I spend a LOT of time at playgrounds.

1) I’m often “checked out.” I’m with my kid all day, every day. If I were on top of them all the time, they would definitely end up insane. The playground is, imo, an ideal place for caregivers to take a back seat and let kids play independently. You can provide adequate supervision and still do some scrolling or a call.

2) I have no hesitation speaking to other people’s kids and I think it’s weird that anyone would. I will absolutely say “she’s too little for that” or “can we take turns on the swing” or whatever. I’ve never had this be a problem. I’ve also never seen a kid be genuinely unkind to mine, but I would certainly intervene without hesitation. Most likely I’d just redirect my child but if the other kid were really a problem I’d find their caregiver.

How old is your kid that you’re checking out at the playground? I’m a SAHM and although I’d love to check out at the playground I don’t.