Step back and hope you are healed soon OP. |
Like other have said, I'd look for support and guidance outside of your family. They might even make you feel like you can't complain at all, if you are not the "worst" case in the family. But I'd build a support network for yourself and only inform them of your treatments as you really need to. If they ask, you can give top level "Oh I have a follow up in a few weeks" type of answers.
I'm sorry this is happening to you, and your siblings. |
No need to gaslight OP and try to make her think she's imagining things. OP, I get similar stuff from my family. For instance when I was having my first baby, my OB sent me to the hospital to be induced. I called my mom because she wanted to drive up to meet her first grandbaby. When I got to the hospital they decided to send me home and not induce me. I called my mom right away and said false alarm. She was furious with me, like I had done something to her. It was bizarre as she had only driven about 15 minutes from home. She then chewed me out extensively, even though the whole medical issue i was having was high blood pressure and the doctors had asked me to take it easy. She knew that and still kept yelling at me. It made absolutely no sense, just like it makes no sense that your sibling is snippy that you don't need chemo. I've put a lot of distance between myself and my family because of this sort of stuff. I don't feel safe telling them stuff as I never know how they'll react. I don't feel I can rely on them. There's just too much family baggage, including a ton of sibling rivalry, for them to treat me objectively, let alone in a loving way. It really hurts, but that's where they are and I just continue to get hurt if I expect their love and support. |
So true. |
Good post. |
Goodness, I was not gaslighting. I was offering an alternative way to think about/frame the situation that OP could choose to take. It was intended to be helpful. It is often a good idea to mentally take a step back, objectively observe what is happening, remove the characterization/judgment, and decide how to proceed. We do in fact have control over over how we think about and perceive things. If rather OP would like to continue to negatively characterize what her family is doing and commiserate with others that have had negative interactions/perceptions of her family, she is free to do that. But I'm not sure how it helps anything. Though it could be a helpful distraction... |
I had a huge hopefully benign cyst removed from my head yesterday and was not 100 percent at work today because I have like 20 stitches in my skull and feel like shit. A coworker tried to one up me with her cyst removal story. People don't know what to say and are trying to relate but I agree with others who said it's not what you need right now. I'm sorry you and your siblings have gone through this, I would go with the old trope that you can only control your reaction, not anyone else's, and do what you need to get through this time. Best wishes to you. |
Even in cancer support groups, people compare and try to one-down each other instead of supporting. It's the disease, not the people. Just find your support and don't share with people who are negative. |
She’s a horror show. I’m so sorry, Pp. I hope you have a good support system. You deserve so much better. |
Agreed. Very thoughtful post, despite the PP who followed up with calling this gaslighting. We all respond to others in a combination of caring for the person and the fear that it brings up in us. It's human nature. |
I am sibling #1 in this scenario. I still feel guilty. Be as gentle as you can with yourself and with both of your siblings. It gets better as time passes - if you are lucky and all three remain cancer free (knock wood, the three of us have) - this drama will dissipate. |
Maybe she feels like her cancer and genetic diagnose allowed you to catch it sooner. Plus the advancement in treatments help.
I don’t think this is necessarily sibling rivalry. I think she’s being honest with her emotions. |
Wow! |
Op I get it. My. Sister is freakishly competitive with everything including illness so I share nothing. Mom makes everything about her and her anxiety. Her “support” is calling so you can try to calm her. I tell her very little. Both are limited. I don’t want to overwhelm friends so I find therapy and support groups helpful. |
I have a friend whose dad and sister are like that. They are constantly one-upping each other withwho has it the worst. Op, step back. Let them have their drama. |