Realizing your parents were terrible

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I knew fairly young that I had lackluster parents. My parents divorced when I was about 3, because of my dad’s alcoholism. He was the better of the two parents, if you can believe it. My mom just didn’t want to do anything motherly unless it benefitted her in some way. I was always jealous of other girls who had mothers who genuinely seemed to love them and want to spend time with them and talk with them.

My mom always bad mouthed my dad, but then forced me to spend weekends with him—he was drunk all night, but worked during the day. But he really was the better parent. The summer I turned 14, I really tried to spend time with him and get to know him instead of trying to disappear and avoid. I’m glad I did that because he died a couple of months later and I was able to have my own positive experience to carry with me instead of my moms badmouthing and negativity.

So you think your mother should have put your alcoholic father on a pedestal? Sure, that makes sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As I got older I realized and accepted that both my parents were incapable of parenting. My mother is narcissistic and I think my dad is on the spectrum. When I became a parent- I had examples of what not to do and have been successful at parenting.

You sure about that? How do you know? Maybe your kids will come here some day and complain about you on an anonymous forum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When we visit my mom she has started saying “this might be the last time you see me.”

So my 10 year old responded with “might be the last time you see me too!”

Now she has complained to everyone about my disrespectful child.

Your kid is awesome.

[Anonymous]

Well, it looks like the terrible mother found this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, it looks like the terrible mother found this thread.

apropos of?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I realized there was something wrong with my mom by age 10.

One of the awful things she did was she badmouthed my dad, well before age 10.

I think I was in my 20s when I started to realize he’s not a selfish jerk.

Your poor mother. I don't know how old you are, but please understand, she probably had no freedom, no means for supporting herself, did everything for her husband, all the childcare, while he lived his life with ease, however he pleased, while treating her like garbage. Have you ever asked your father how he feels about the way he treated your mother while they were raising a family? If that's the "awful" thing you think your mother did, honestly, get some help.

That’s not ops problem to fix

[Anonymous]

Yup my mom s awful. Even in hs I said I guess I have to love her but I certainly don’t like her.

Rep aren’t yourself op. That’s the only way to break the cycle. For your vacay, have a back up plan and just leave. If it’s that bad she can call 911

[Anonymous]

Yep this is me.

Went to college at 17 by graduation time I realized my world was way too small and that my parents criminality wasn’t normal . That my mother was a horrible person and my father weak .

[Anonymous]

Please block your mother’s calls while you are on vacation if you don’t want it ruined.

I’m sorry OP, set some boundaries (no more talking about vacations until they have passed), therapy if you need it and try and work on just being a better parent for your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My NPD mother actually gets angry when someone has a health issue. Period cramps? They’re all in your head. Too sick to go to school? Then I have a list of chores that you can do. Stepfather hasn’t moved his bowels in a week? I want to tell you about my ailments first. He needs to go the hospital? Why don’t you drive him?
Is anger toward sick people a common thing with these narcissist parents? I get it temporarily distracts people from the narcissist and that causes rage.

OMG this. "I never had period cramps, why do you have period cramps?" "I don't need glasses - why is the doctor telling me you are severely nearsighted?"

My best explanation is that she (mother) saw me as an extension of herself, therefore my health issues could only reflect her own experiences. Otherwise I was faking and being manipulative to get attention.

NP - oh wow my mom did this all the time. I have never heard others share this experience before. My mom is definitely on the extreme of the narcissistic spectrum. Any more insight into this from anyone? I am very interested and have never understood this.

Also my mom gets mad if she is caring for my dad when he is sick, and I try to ask questions or give it any attention. For example, she hid my dad’s brain tumor from me. When I found out and asked questions she yelled at me and said “he’s not your husband!”

My mom would tell me when my dad was sick, so she could tell me how stressful it was for her, so I could give her attention and support.

Big hugs, OP. Enjoy your vacation. She is an adult. Turn off your phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, it looks like the terrible mother found this thread.

+1 she posted about 5 times in a row.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I realized there was something wrong with my mom by age 10.

One of the awful things she did was she badmouthed my dad, well before age 10.

I think I was in my 20s when I started to realize he’s not a selfish jerk.

Your poor mother. I don't know how old you are, but please understand, she probably had no freedom, no means for supporting herself, did everything for her husband, all the childcare, while he lived his life with ease, however he pleased, while treating her like garbage. Have you ever asked your father how he feels about the way he treated your mother while they were raising a family? If that's the "awful" thing you think your mother did, honestly, get some help.

Boy you really are trying to flip this to satisfy your version of men aren't you? Misandrist much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, it looks like the terrible mother found this thread.

+1. Russian bots at it again. Just ignore them.

[Anonymous]

I only realized how abusive my father was when he died when I was 13. Oh, well.

[Anonymous]

Greyrock