Am I an idiot if I think when teachers say my child is a joy to work with that they aren't saying this to everyone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At home, my 5 yo is sweet and cute but also a bit of a handful, like I assume most 5 year olds are. She has done a bunch of activities over the years, goes to daycare and also has had a few therapists due to some delays. A lot of times the teachers/therapists have spoken effusively about what a joy she is to work with. I feel a bit proud when they say this. Am I a idiot for thinking they don't just say this to everyone?

Flame away, btw.

You can be proud of your kid and the teacher.
It takes two to tango.

It's not a competition. It's better for your child if everyone in the class is a joy to work with.

A diplomatic teacher will with say "DC is a joy" or "DC loves school but gets a little too excited during listening time or focused work time" or "I love working with DC , but I know DC gets frustrated at times, and we're trying strategies to help DC be comfortable".

[Anonymous]

I can’t speak to what your child’s teacher does, but I work with grad level students and when evaluating them “ joy to work with” is one of the things we say when we are struggling to find something more substantive to say. So we do say it a lot.

[Anonymous]

Definitely NOT saying this about my kid. Appreciate the feedback OP and be proud! ( however, dont make the mistake of thinking this is because you are such an awesome parent, or thinking it will last for ever. You are in an easy patch now, enjoy it!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They're saying it to everyone, yes.

I rarely say this. I reserve this for the 4-5 students per class who actually are joys to work with.

- 9th and 10th grade teacher

[Anonymous]

I’m a teacher and I definitely don’t use that word to describe every kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Definitely NOT saying this about my kid. Appreciate the feedback OP and be proud! ( however, dont make the mistake of thinking this is because you are such an awesome parent, or thinking it will last for ever. You are in an easy patch now, enjoy it!)

OP here. Definitely agree about it not being because I'm so awesome! I hope you find an easier patch soon PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t speak to what your child’s teacher does, but I work with grad level students and when evaluating them “ joy to work with” is one of the things we say when we are struggling to find something more substantive to say. So we do say it a lot.

there are not graduate students. this is as substantive as it gets at this age, but it's still not applied to all kids.

[Anonymous]

I do think it’s the kind of generic phrase that they say to every kid who isn’t a disaster in class. But teachers are definitely NOT saying it to every kid because it doesn’t apply to every kid!

[Anonymous]

Why do you care?

And to answer your question they do not say this to everyone.

My first child was very easygoing, bright and happy. All her teachers, coaches, etc always commented that she was a joy to have in class. At the time that was my normal so I kind of thought they said this to everyone.

My second child was kicked out of more than one preschool and activity.

I know for a fact that teachers do not say this to everyone.

[Anonymous]

I hear it about both my kids. I don’t think they’re the only kids they say that about, but I also don’t think they say it about all kids.

At the last parent teacher conferences both teachers identified specific things about each kid in follow up to that statement. That made be feel particularly good because I know the teachers are paying attention, building relationships, and noticing things about the kids. They also had notes on room for improvement. Just because they’re a joy to have in class, doesn’t mean they always remember to raise their hand or not talk to their friends when they’re not supposed to be!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They do not say this to everyone. It means she listens well, and when she does maybe get cheeky or sassy, they are able to playfully get her back on task.

I have 2 kids. One is a joy in class and one gets feedback more like "doing well but struggles to listen to directions all the time". Guess which one is the girl and which one is the boy....

Same here. Gender stereotypes are real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They do not say this to everyone. It means she listens well, and when she does maybe get cheeky or sassy, they are able to playfully get her back on task.

I have 2 kids. One is a joy in class and one gets feedback more like "doing well but struggles to listen to directions all the time". Guess which one is the girl and which one is the boy....

Same here. Gender stereotypes are real.

Is it a stereotype or a difference in behavior driven by some combination of biology and social expectations? And educational systems that are poorly suited to boys?

[Anonymous]

I literally overheard the teacher say it to one after another. The same exact adjectives. This was about 5 weeks into the semester. He was meeting parents at an orientation night one on one in the classroom. He just got done telling me the same nice words and I stepped aside to check out DC’s desk and I heard the teacher repeat the same thing!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They're saying it to everyone, yes.

Definitely not. If you have more than one kid and they aren't much alike you would know this.

I have one kid, but I also know teachers lie.

You know that teachers lie? Then you are probably "that parent" and they are probably jerking you around.

[Anonymous]

I have 3 kids (10, 8, 5). While I have never had negative comments about any of them and on occasion I got extra nice comments on all 3, my middle child stands out.

I have teachers pulling me on the side to tell me how wonderful it is to have her in the class. I have specials’ teachers (whom I have never met) writing me emails about how exceptional she is. Even parents of other kids have done this a few times thanking me for raising her to be this or that (I did nothing different she was born this way).


So, I think people in general like to report the positive (especially if the negatives are small). But in my case, I know my middle child definitely stands out while the other two are normal nice kids who don’t create problems, listen and are normal.