Best way to handle family member coming out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for telling me. I love and accept you!

How silly. The unspoken "still" is VERY loud here.

Someone has issues…

This is common knowledge, actually.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for sharing that. You deserve to love and be loved as just who you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you everyone. Extremely helpful.

Does this same advice hold for his cousins who are around his age. They may look to me for best thing to say/do. Would texts of support from all help, or less the better and they just carry on hanging out? I am not sure if my nephew will announce it to them or assume they already know. I hear people say just follow his lead.

His cousins around his age are not going to care. Please don’t try to coach them. If they joke with him, please let it go. Teens these days see changing preferences all the time and are much better equipped than you are to roll with it and make him comfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Act shocked. The gays love drama.

I know you're trying to be funny but coming out drama is not the kind of drama anyone wants.

[Anonymous]

Something along the lines of “I love you. I presume you already know this, but from my perspective this doesn’t change anything between us”.

Don’t say that you already knew. For one you didn’t know. You just highly suspected it. If you are close he may directly ask you if you knew or suspected. If he does that you can give him your honest answer but he has to open that door. If he doesn’t you take that thought to the grave with you.

FYI, don’t presume just because he is coming out to family Now that he hasn’t been out to friends for years.

[Anonymous]

When my 13 year old told me he was gay I said thanks for letting me know, and I will love him whoever he is, even if he turns out to be a republican. He laughed and said that’s true love.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]When my 13 year old told me he was gay I said thanks for letting me know, and I will love him whoever he is, even if he turns out to be a republican. He laughed and said that’s true love.[/quote]
I want to add, he did not approach me in some serious, have-to-talk-to-you way. He dropped it casually, mid-conversation, and I responded in a more light hearted way to follow that lead. So I guess my advice is to follow his lead. I was not surprised, but I also wouldn’t be surprised if one day he says he’s bi or straight (he seems to have crushes on girls right now). I wouldn’t say I suspected or already knew. How would that help, especially if he thought he was covering?

[Anonymous]

OP here. Again thanks. Some great insight I would not have thought of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for telling me. I love and accept you!

I might cut the "accept you!" -- implies you might not have otherwise. Just "thanks for telling me, and I love you" will suffice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for telling me. I love and accept you!

I might cut the "accept you!" -- implies you might not have otherwise. Just "thanks for telling me, and I love you" will suffice.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Let him tell people himself on his own time. We had one loudmouth gay nephew who told everyone in the family before DS had a chance to tell them the way he wanted to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you everyone. Extremely helpful.

Does this same advice hold for his cousins who are around his age. They may look to me for best thing to say/do. Would texts of support from all help, or less the better and they just carry on hanging out? I am not sure if my nephew will announce it to them or assume they already know. I hear people say just follow his lead.

His cousins around his age are not going to care. Please don’t try to coach them. If they joke with him, please let it go. Teens these days see changing preferences all the time and are much better equipped than you are to roll with it and make him comfortable.

This. If he finds out this is going on, it’s also going to seem like you’re gossiping about him, which would be true. That might also be part of the problem if you’re saying “we already knew.” If enough people say “I already knew,” or if anyone says “we already knew” it will feel like you guys are sitting around deciding his sexuality for him. It doesn’t mean you’re aware or knowledgeable, it means you’re nosy.

I think you should stick to the basics with your response, don’t overdo it by saying you know him better than he knows himself or that you and other family members are discussing his private life, and let the younger generation handle it the way they handle it. It’s not about manners, where older generations may have the upper hand. It’s about love and acceptance and changing norms. They could’ve probably given you some pointers about why not to say you already knew, but you don’t want to be gossiping. if you’re close, maybe ask them how they’d handle certain relevant conversations after this situation passes, not as a coach to them but to get some fresh perspective.

[Anonymous]

Awesome!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for telling me. I love and accept you!

This. There is no need to say you knew / suspected. If you really want to say that nothing changes, I guess you can, but consider he may not feel that the status quo was ideal. "I'm happy for you" would be better.

+2

[Anonymous]

I would not expect a big formal announcement..just eventually he might mention a boyfriend and you can react to that as you typically would.