Need guidance for child's invitations to Bar/Bat Mitzvahs

[Anonymous]

Some of this like how long the service is depends on the denomination, maybe a conservative temple will be longer than reform for example. You definitely don’t need in my opinion to be there when the service starts if it is conservative for example bec that could be a very long service.
But I agree maybe ask the parents and they can ease your mind; it’s nice you are so thoughtful but as others have said it’s ok if you can’t attend all parts of the day. while the party is more fun I think the service could be educational for you and your child as well. If you hear Mazel Tov, that means ‘good luck’ but is also like ‘Congratulations!’

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you’ve received great answers. I would just add that in our circle, parents are of course welcome at the service but would not be invited to the lunch unless parents of the closest friends. The lunches our friends have had have been seated with place cards so not something with a flexible headcount. I would just assume your daughter is the only one invited unless you hear otherwise? I’d also assume the parents would be happy to walk you through this and if she has conflicts, chat with them.

At my Conservative synagogue, there’s no seating and no headcount for the kiddush, so would not be a problem for parents to attend along with kids. (That’s at Adas Israel.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a Christian who has been to some Jewish services, I will say it seems way more common and accepted for people to be coming and going during services than it is in church services. I was surprised by this.

Depends on the location. Generally, Conservative services are looser on this point than Reform ones. I haven’t been to any non-funeral church services, so I don’t know the exact comparison, but people definitely come and go a lot at my synagogue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a Christian who has been to some Jewish services, I will say it seems way more common and accepted for people to be coming and going during services than it is in church services. I was surprised by this.

Depends on the location. Generally, Conservative services are looser on this point than Reform ones. I haven’t been to any non-funeral church services, so I don’t know the exact comparison, but people definitely come and go a lot at my synagogue.

I was raised conservative and now go to a reform temple. We do NOT "come and go" during services. That would be really disrespectful in our (family's) opinion and poor behavior. If you have to go to the bathroom that's fine. But your phone is turned off before you walk in and you stay at your seat the whole time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a Christian who has been to some Jewish services, I will say it seems way more common and accepted for people to be coming and going during services than it is in church services. I was surprised by this.

Depends on the location. Generally, Conservative services are looser on this point than Reform ones. I haven’t been to any non-funeral church services, so I don’t know the exact comparison, but people definitely come and go a lot at my synagogue.

I was raised conservative and now go to a reform temple. We do NOT "come and go" during services. That would be really disrespectful in our (family's) opinion and poor behavior. If you have to go to the bathroom that's fine. But your phone is turned off before you walk in and you stay at your seat the whole time.

I've only ever been a regular member of Conservative shuls, and I have no problem whatsoever with people coming and going during services (or moving around to chat with friends). Phones are off, yes, but people also do a lot of schmoozing in our services. Plus kids are roaming around free-range frequently. (This is at Adas Israel.) I personally prefer that vibe to what feels to me like the more formal one at Reform services, but when I'm at a Reform service, I obviously mirror the behavior of the rest of the congregation there.

[Anonymous]

Give your child an out OP, in case she’s uncomfortable during the service. Make sure you’re close by if she calls you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Give your child an out OP, in case she’s uncomfortable during the service. Make sure you’re close by if she calls you.

Why would she be uncomfortable? She’s 12 or 13, surely she can sit in a room with her friends for a couple of hours, even if some of the prayers are in a language she doesn’t understand?