ILs pushing their religion on our family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think so mom sure they really believe that you need to be saved
From a life of eternal dammation and that their religion will bring you not only salvation but true happiness. It
Comes from a place of love. And I don’t think they can likely help themselves

They probably do believe this. However, if op’s husband asks them to stop, they need to respect the boundary.

[Anonymous]

Your husband knows his parents. The smile and nod approach won't work. "Stop or stay away" may not even work. You might have to cut contact.

[Anonymous]

I had two aunts who used to email me conspiracy theory rubbish. I just deleted without reading.

However, your situation is worse, since they verbally press you and send your kids gifts. Both you and your husband need to tell them that their gifts and exhortations have become *harassment*, and that they need to stop. Even if you're sure they won't stop, you do need to say that face-to-face, and write it out in an email. Warn them that if they persist, you will send all their emails to spam, get rid of all their gifts, and not see them as often.

And then make sure to follow-through.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are your beliefs? You make it sound like ILs are one religion and you're another. I always find these types of posts somewhat suspect, a troll starting a topic out of boredom due to the scarcity of details. Is your hypothetical DH really going to completely cut off his parents for proselytizing? This is pretty extreme and not to mention childish and selfish.

I would tell your hypothetical DH to suck it up, smile politely, and just change the topic.

I thought OP made it pretty clear. ILs pushing their religion on our family DH and I have always been respectful although we don't share the same beliefs.

OP I think your dh should be upfront. Tell them he is on the verge of cutting them off if they do not stop. After that follow his lead.

No, it's not clear. "Their religion" = what does that mean? Are they Southern Baptist and their son married a Jewish woman and is raising the kids Jewish? Or is it the ILs are devoutly Christian and the son and DIL are culturally Christian meaning they celebrate Christmas but otherwise don't go to church, meaning they have no real belief.

Why would you cut off your parents because they are religious and want to share their faith? Cutting off is pretty serious. What does it even mean? We are no longer talking? That's pretty drastic. I have different political views from my parents but I don't "cut" them off for it.

I find it fascinating that for some people on here the default response is to cut off family members even just for differing opinions. People who say that always strike me as the ones with the real problems, not the family members they're cutting off.

It doesnt matter what religion (or lack) OP is. The ILs religion is not welcome. If they can't find a single other topic of conversation to discuss during visits, they don't need to visit. There are millions of other subjects, if they really can't find a single other one they can stay home or go to their church and discuss their religion.

[Anonymous]

I’m curious- how did ILs handle the wedding and kids’ births? We’re their religious rituals they expected for either…and did you participate in those (baptism, bris etc)?

Trying to get a sense is why this is only coming up (or worsening) now….usually it seems like the wedding and/or baby rituals are what really set the religious family off.

[Anonymous]

Start sending them atheist gifts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m curious- how did ILs handle the wedding and kids’ births? We’re their religious rituals they expected for either…and did you participate in those (baptism, bris etc)?

Trying to get a sense is why this is only coming up (or worsening) now….usually it seems like the wedding and/or baby rituals are what really set the religious family off.

We eloped. The kids not being baptized has been a constant issue. They joined a new church during COVID and it seems like their pressure has increased since then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m curious- how did ILs handle the wedding and kids’ births? We’re their religious rituals they expected for either…and did you participate in those (baptism, bris etc)?

Trying to get a sense is why this is only coming up (or worsening) now….usually it seems like the wedding and/or baby rituals are what really set the religious family off.

We eloped. The kids not being baptized has been a constant issue. They joined a new church during COVID and it seems like their pressure has increased since then.

Sounds a lot like my ILs. We also eloped.

Has your DH told them- firmly and clearly- that the children will 100% absolutely NOT be getting baptized? IME if they feel there is some chance to convince you, they will not stop….Or are you and DH not sure yet?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ILs are extremely religious. Every gift for the kids is religious based. DH and I have always been respectful although we don't share the same beliefs. They have started pushing more with texts, emails, books, videos and pulling DH or I aside that we need to find religion. DH is ready to completely cut them off since they can't seem to respect our beliefs. Is there any way to talk to someone like this? No matter how often we say no thank you, they keep pushing.

Tell them your family has decided to worship Satan.

[Anonymous]

I’d ignore all religious texts emails etc- completely ignore and not reply at all. They will eventually stop sending. If they bring it up with you in person, just say “Larla, Larlo, we have already been over this” and immediately change the subject. They will eventually stop asking you. Gray rock.

Let DH handle on his end however he wants- and follow his lead even if that means a cutoff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ILs are extremely religious. Every gift for the kids is religious based. DH and I have always been respectful although we don't share the same beliefs. They have started pushing more with texts, emails, books, videos and pulling DH or I aside that we need to find religion. DH is ready to completely cut them off since they can't seem to respect our beliefs. Is there any way to talk to someone like this? No matter how often we say no thank you, they keep pushing.

That’s weird. Especially in this day and age. But sounds like nothing terrible going on or ordering you around.

They should stop the emails and texts and multimedia stuff. But if you want to go to the church dinner night or temple holiday, are you really so against that community in any way, shape or form?

Some places of worship have weekly school hour, sports teams, k-8 schools, and fun holy days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ILs are extremely religious. Every gift for the kids is religious based. DH and I have always been respectful although we don't share the same beliefs. They have started pushing more with texts, emails, books, videos and pulling DH or I aside that we need to find religion. DH is ready to completely cut them off since they can't seem to respect our beliefs. Is there any way to talk to someone like this? No matter how often we say no thank you, they keep pushing.

Nope run away.
Keep running.
No good can come from their utter BS.

Sorry OP but his is an absolute deal breaker.

They respect your thoughts and choices or they are cut off. Period.

Religion is a cult, especially for people like your inlaws.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ILs are extremely religious. Every gift for the kids is religious based. DH and I have always been respectful although we don't share the same beliefs. They have started pushing more with texts, emails, books, videos and pulling DH or I aside that we need to find religion. DH is ready to completely cut them off since they can't seem to respect our beliefs. Is there any way to talk to someone like this? No matter how often we say no thank you, they keep pushing.

That’s weird. Especially in this day and age. But sounds like nothing terrible going on or ordering you around.

They should stop the emails and texts and multimedia stuff. But if you want to go to the church dinner night or temple holiday, are you really so against that community in any way, shape or form?

Some places of worship have weekly school hour, sports teams, k-8 schools, and fun holy days.

So what if they are? Isnt religion a choice in this country? There is nothing wrong with them if they are "against" attending church related events - even if there is food or sports!

[Anonymous]

OP what denomination are ILs? In SOME denominations you could have luck having DH contact ILs pastor to appeal for help “this is what is happening, the family relationship is at risk, please advise…”. Believe it or not, a lot of pastors will be sympathetic to your side if politely presented, and may be able to get through to inlaws. It is nothing they haven’t heard before- and don’t generally want people feeling forced to attend their church or to see family rifts.

But it depends what denomination

[Anonymous]

I second the suggestion that your DH be direct with them. Politely declining hasn't gotten through to them and/or their church encourages members to persevere in their efforts to find the 'light of Jesus'. Believe you me, I know what that feels like. Your DH needs to clearly and unambiguously tell them that you will not be discussing religion and that you will not accept religiously themed gifts. People are often uncomfortable with such directness but you've already tried the soft method. That is not an effective technique with them.

Once they've, unambiguously, been told what your boundary is, you should expect them to test it. You and your DH need to be on the same page on the response to that. If you aren't going to be firm about the boundary, they will continue to push their religion on you. There will be excuses like, 'oh, it's just this little thing', 'oh, this isn't a big deal', 'oh, you're making too much out of this', 'oh, this really isn't religious', 'you mean you don't want to know what's going on in our lives?', etc. Holding firm is not the same as being rude. Good luck.