How can I exhibit high value traits while not being attractive?

[Anonymous]

Lol… all the advice to find a partner is to purchase a beauty starter kit? What happens after the fix-your-face wears off? We are all attractive and attracted in different ways. You have your own beauty both inwardly and outwardly. You can Botox until you are blue in face and that won’t make you any more attractive. Find some internal fortitude - be your own person; find your social scene/group. If you are indeed an ugly duckling - find other ugly ducklings. Even the most unattractive animal on the planet (platypus?) finds others to mate. Else purchase the million dollar makeover and see where that gets you…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I attended an expensive overnight camp for girls. That experience taught me that being attractive can definitely be purchased.

There used to be a nurse practitioner in Bethesda with a practice called “fresh face”. Go see someone like that. There are fillers, Botox, PRP facials, lasers. Sometimes people need something more extensive, like a nose job. Well, if you need it, get it.

Straighten and whiten teeth.

Go to a high-end hairdresser. Get highlights, lowlights, keratin treatment, products, and probably a Revlon blow dry brush or the Dyson airwrap.

Do personal shopper at Nordstrom for a few outfits or read blogs then buy some things.

Join a gym, workout, and clean-up your diet.

Looking good is possible for any woman. It’s just a lot of work.

“For girls”

As a mother to a young adult, I am very disheartened that young women like yourself are being taught this superficial stuff. Sure, working out and eating healthy are core habits to adopt. The injections at such a young age etc are another matter.

[Anonymous]

Yea, this advice on superficiality is terrible. When you are in a relationship, there will be times when you won’t have your makeup on or when you’re late getting your hair done or getting the skin treatments. I personally love to eat and indulge in nice meals at restaurants with cocktails to start and good bottle of wine w dinner. To hell with what that does to my figure. It’s nice my hubby loves me done up or imperfect. That’s what you want in a relationship. If he’s w you based on superficial things, it ain’t gonna last.

[Anonymous]

Confidence is very important. You are attractive but you have to believe it before others will perceive you as this. Walk with your head held high. Know a little bit of everything like sports, music, current events, local happenings, etc... Learn to make small talk, if you don't already know how to do this. Hit the gym, lots of single guys at the gym. Ask friends if they have anyone to introduce you to or set you up with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yea, this advice on superficiality is terrible. When you are in a relationship, there will be times when you won’t have your makeup on or when you’re late getting your hair done or getting the skin treatments. I personally love to eat and indulge in nice meals at restaurants with cocktails to start and good bottle of wine w dinner. To hell with what that does to my figure. It’s nice my hubby loves me done up or imperfect. That’s what you want in a relationship. If he’s w you based on superficial things, it ain’t gonna last.

Np. The reality is men are visual creatures and if you don’t catch their eye to begin with you’ll never get a chance to get to that comfortable relationship stage where you can stop caring about “superficial” things.

[Anonymous]

Desperation isn't a good look. Work on your self esteem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop using the phrase 'high value' for starters.

Seriously. What does this actually mean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Desperation isn't a good look. Work on your self esteem.

People can sense desperation and low self worth. It’s unattractive. Seek a good therapist. Not all therapists are created equal.

[Anonymous]

Is it even a good idea to want men who have "higher value" than you do? Aren't you worried about them leaving or cheating?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Confidence is very important. You are attractive but you have to believe it before others will perceive you as this. Walk with your head held high. Know a little bit of everything like sports, music, current events, local happenings, etc... Learn to make small talk, if you don't already know how to do this. Hit the gym, lots of single guys at the gym. Ask friends if they have anyone to introduce you to or set you up with.

This. Also good posture. Good posture makes a 5 a 7 or 8 and an 8 a 10.

Good conversationalist. Ask open ended questions.

Take a Dale Carnegie type course or read the book How to Win Friends and Influence People.

[Anonymous]

Consider getting your colors done and learn to dress for your body type. You can use Color Guru if you want an online consultation, but I’m sure in person is better.

Try a bunch of different activities until you find a workout routine you enjoy and will stick with.

Buy fewer accessories, but better quality. When I was dating, I swapped between four necklaces and two pairs of earrings. A decade later, they’re still what I wear 99% of the time.

Discretely ask a friend for feedback.

[Anonymous]

Issue is that 80% of women want 20% of $high value men. Why are women so shallow? You can be hunters now and bring home the bacon and bread and dessert and hire people to birth and raise your kids , no need to be gatherers looking to partner up with hunters. Go find gatherers who'll probably make better husbands. Be high value yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Issue is that 80% of women want 20% of $high value men. Why are women so shallow? You can be hunters now and bring home the bacon and bread and dessert and hire people to birth and raise your kids , no need to be gatherers looking to partner up with hunters. Go find gatherers who'll probably make better husbands. Be high value yourself.

This. The OP and almost all successive posts are just about looks. It’s sad but then maybe people who only care about looks get the lives they earn.

I’ll admit that I’m not a physically attractive guy and I don’t expect physical attractiveness from a partner. Overweight? Out of shape? I’m ok with that as long as you have the things I value. Have a rewarding job, be worldly, enjoy things in life, and be compassionate. OP, are you looking for qualities in a guy that aren’t skin deep?

[Anonymous]

Have you tried going after good guys who are comparable to you in physical attractiveness or is a man only "good" if he is a 7, 8, or 9?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Issue is that 80% of women want 20% of $high value men. Why are women so shallow? You can be hunters now and bring home the bacon and bread and dessert and hire people to birth and raise your kids , no need to be gatherers looking to partner up with hunters. Go find gatherers who'll probably make better husbands. Be high value yourself.

This. The OP and almost all successive posts are just about looks. It’s sad but then maybe people who only care about looks get the lives they earn.

I’ll admit that I’m not a physically attractive guy and I don’t expect physical attractiveness from a partner. Overweight? Out of shape? I’m ok with that as long as you have the things I value. Have a rewarding job, be worldly, enjoy things in life, and be compassionate. OP, are you looking for qualities in a guy that aren’t skin deep?

+1, and people who authentically accept themselves are more likely to be able to be authentically attracted to another person who doesn't meet traditional standards of attractiveness but has other attractive qualities. People often push away in other people what they are most unable to accept in themselves.