What 50-50 custody schedule worked best for your 7 year old?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was also a 50/50 kid and did 7/7. But after a while I got sick of being shuffled back and forth and started doing 14/14. As your child gets older she may assert a preference to spend less time packing and unpacking.

I'm the PP who does 2/2/5. My dc desires to see both of us often and does not want 7/7 at this time. I just wanted to point out that it's not hard to make it so dc does NOT have to pack/unpack all the time. We literally exchange any meds (if any) and the charger cord for the gizmo watch and the Ipad (if dc had a locking locker I'd let them take it to school but they dont). Dc has their school backpack which they would carry regardless of our marital status. Dc has everything they need at both homes because they live there and does not 'pack' anything.

That's fine for little kids, but for older kids it's a lot different. They care what they wear, they may have all their sports stuff, and electronics, and school assignments. You can't duplicate everything, or it's too expensive, and some things like half-done schoolwork are truly one-of-a-kind.

For me it was also just the disruptive feeling of the transition. I never felt settled in any one place and could never truly unpack because I knew I'd have to pack up again. I felt like an object being moved around. I really resented the time spent in transit as well. If parents are too invested in the "my divorce has not burdened my child at all" way of thinking, that's unrealistic and prevents them from empathizing.

The OP was asking about a schedule for a 7 yo.

She won't be 7 forever. It's best to plan for your child to grow.

The dc is 7 NOW. The schedule best for dc NOW is important, with the possibility of change in the future. Or not, if it's working for dc and they are happy with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thing about 2/2/5 is it's inconsistent as to days of the week. Some children do better with a schedule they can more easily understand, or there are logistical reasons to have them always in a certain home on a certain day of the week.

It's not inconsistent. Ex. Dc with Dad Mon/Tues, Dc with Mom Wed/Thu, rotate Fri Sat Sun.

Right, so Fri Sat Sun are inconsistent. Some kids or families find this hard, others don't.

OP, ask yourself if you would like to live on this schedule yourself. Would you find it burdensome, even if someone else packed your suitcase for you?

No, they are not inconsistent. One with Dad, one with Mom, repeat. And no suitcase needed-you live with your mother and your father and have needed items.

OP's not asking for your permission to divorce.

OP"s asking what's best for a young child, and I'm saying a 14-day repeat can be hard for a kid to remember.

The "no packing needed" is a fantasy. There are always items to bring and the more variation in days of the week, the harder it is to remember. And even if you pack for the kid, it's still disruptive and time consuming. Nobody would love this way voluntarily, right? Why is that? Oh I know, because it's a pain and sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thing about 2/2/5 is it's inconsistent as to days of the week. Some children do better with a schedule they can more easily understand, or there are logistical reasons to have them always in a certain home on a certain day of the week.

It's not inconsistent. Ex. Dc with Dad Mon/Tues, Dc with Mom Wed/Thu, rotate Fri Sat Sun.

Right, so Fri Sat Sun are inconsistent. Some kids or families find this hard, others don't.

OP, ask yourself if you would like to live on this schedule yourself. Would you find it burdensome, even if someone else packed your suitcase for you?

No, they are not inconsistent. One with Dad, one with Mom, repeat. And no suitcase needed-you live with your mother and your father and have needed items.

OP's not asking for your permission to divorce.

OP"s asking what's best for a young child, and I'm saying a 14-day repeat can be hard for a kid to remember.

The "no packing needed" is a fantasy. There are always items to bring and the more variation in days of the week, the harder it is to remember. And even if you pack for the kid, it's still disruptive and time consuming. Nobody would love this way voluntarily, right? Why is that? Oh I know, because it's a pain and sucks.

You are representative of one. Other children/now adults had a positive experience. I'm sorry a simple schedule was confusing for you and your parents. It's not, for many. Again, OP isn't asking you for permission to divorce or to make a schedule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thing about 2/2/5 is it's inconsistent as to days of the week. Some children do better with a schedule they can more easily understand, or there are logistical reasons to have them always in a certain home on a certain day of the week.

It's not inconsistent. Ex. Dc with Dad Mon/Tues, Dc with Mom Wed/Thu, rotate Fri Sat Sun.

Right, so Fri Sat Sun are inconsistent. Some kids or families find this hard, others don't.

OP, ask yourself if you would like to live on this schedule yourself. Would you find it burdensome, even if someone else packed your suitcase for you?

No, they are not inconsistent. One with Dad, one with Mom, repeat. And no suitcase needed-you live with your mother and your father and have needed items.

OP's not asking for your permission to divorce.

OP"s asking what's best for a young child, and I'm saying a 14-day repeat can be hard for a kid to remember.

The "no packing needed" is a fantasy. There are always items to bring and the more variation in days of the week, the harder it is to remember. And even if you pack for the kid, it's still disruptive and time consuming. Nobody would love this way voluntarily, right? Why is that? Oh I know, because it's a pain and sucks.

Why didn't your parents have what you needed at their respective houses? You lived with them both. There's no need to 'pack'.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thing about 2/2/5 is it's inconsistent as to days of the week. Some children do better with a schedule they can more easily understand, or there are logistical reasons to have them always in a certain home on a certain day of the week.

It's not inconsistent. Ex. Dc with Dad Mon/Tues, Dc with Mom Wed/Thu, rotate Fri Sat Sun.

Not the PP but some 2-2-5 schedules rotate. My sibling's custody agreement goes: M-Mom, D-Dad

MMDDMMM
DDMMDDD

So on Monday, Feb 19th, you'd have to look at the custody calendar or count it out to figure if my sibling would have the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thing about 2/2/5 is it's inconsistent as to days of the week. Some children do better with a schedule they can more easily understand, or there are logistical reasons to have them always in a certain home on a certain day of the week.

It's not inconsistent. Ex. Dc with Dad Mon/Tues, Dc with Mom Wed/Thu, rotate Fri Sat Sun.

Right, so Fri Sat Sun are inconsistent. Some kids or families find this hard, others don't.

OP, ask yourself if you would like to live on this schedule yourself. Would you find it burdensome, even if someone else packed your suitcase for you?

No, they are not inconsistent. One with Dad, one with Mom, repeat. And no suitcase needed-you live with your mother and your father and have needed items.

OP's not asking for your permission to divorce.

OP"s asking what's best for a young child, and I'm saying a 14-day repeat can be hard for a kid to remember.

The "no packing needed" is a fantasy. There are always items to bring and the more variation in days of the week, the harder it is to remember. And even if you pack for the kid, it's still disruptive and time consuming. Nobody would love this way voluntarily, right? Why is that? Oh I know, because it's a pain and sucks.

Why didn't your parents have what you needed at their respective houses? You lived with them both. There's no need to 'pack'.

Because not everything can be duplicated. For example, if you're serious about a musical instrument other than piano, you don't alternate instruments. Partially finished schoolwork is another example. Parents aren't going to literally duplicate every object, so the kid will want to bring books they are reading, Lego builds, whatever projects they're engaged in. Sure, they had what I "needed" but it's not the same. And it's just a big disruption mentally and a timesuck. If you see your child as someone whose time and energy doesn't matter, then go ahead and tell yourself nothing is lost here. Whatever makes you feel okay about your choices, I guess.

[Anonymous]

Has anyone ceded custody to make it easier for the child. I’m (mom) about to that place. My child doesn’t do well shuffling about so to protect him I’m willing to go 80/20 so he has stability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thing about 2/2/5 is it's inconsistent as to days of the week. Some children do better with a schedule they can more easily understand, or there are logistical reasons to have them always in a certain home on a certain day of the week.

It's not inconsistent. Ex. Dc with Dad Mon/Tues, Dc with Mom Wed/Thu, rotate Fri Sat Sun.

Right, so Fri Sat Sun are inconsistent. Some kids or families find this hard, others don't.

OP, ask yourself if you would like to live on this schedule yourself. Would you find it burdensome, even if someone else packed your suitcase for you?

No, they are not inconsistent. One with Dad, one with Mom, repeat. And no suitcase needed-you live with your mother and your father and have needed items.

OP's not asking for your permission to divorce.

OP"s asking what's best for a young child, and I'm saying a 14-day repeat can be hard for a kid to remember.

The "no packing needed" is a fantasy. There are always items to bring and the more variation in days of the week, the harder it is to remember. And even if you pack for the kid, it's still disruptive and time consuming. Nobody would love this way voluntarily, right? Why is that? Oh I know, because it's a pain and sucks.

Why didn't your parents have what you needed at their respective houses? You lived with them both. There's no need to 'pack'.

Because not everything can be duplicated. For example, if you're serious about a musical instrument other than piano, you don't alternate instruments. Partially finished schoolwork is another example. Parents aren't going to literally duplicate every object, so the kid will want to bring books they are reading, Lego builds, whatever projects they're engaged in. Sure, they had what I "needed" but it's not the same. And it's just a big disruption mentally and a timesuck. If you see your child as someone whose time and energy doesn't matter, then go ahead and tell yourself nothing is lost here. Whatever makes you feel okay about your choices, I guess.

NP and just want to add I hear you. I was a 2255 kid and it was really hard to never feel settled. I'm 40 and still wake up on Fridays and think for a second, okay, where am I going after work, Mom's or Dad's?

OP, if it works for your daughter, I'm guessing your daughter would rather be with you than a sitter, Mom's day or not. Just be open to revisiting the arrangement and schedule as she grows. I wish my folks would have done that instead of sticking to a schedule that was decided when I was 7 (which was also how I old I was when they got divorced).

Good luck and wishing you the best. Divorce is hard.

[Anonymous]

As a counselor who works with school-aged kids…it’s the worst. The shuffling, the different lives in different homes, the lack of consistency- no matter how hard parents work to try and make it “easy.” It’s not. I’ve had kids tell me that they don’t want their parents to know how hard it is. The pillows aren’t the same. And on and on. Divorce may be inevitable. But the constant movement is not the answer. Chances are good it will leave scars. Be willing to let them spend as much time as possible in one home, ideally the one they were in before the divorce.

[Anonymous]

These schedules are garbage.

Kids stay at one home.

Put your kids first!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thing about 2/2/5 is it's inconsistent as to days of the week. Some children do better with a schedule they can more easily understand, or there are logistical reasons to have them always in a certain home on a certain day of the week.

It's not inconsistent. Ex. Dc with Dad Mon/Tues, Dc with Mom Wed/Thu, rotate Fri Sat Sun.

Right, so Fri Sat Sun are inconsistent. Some kids or families find this hard, others don't.

OP, ask yourself if you would like to live on this schedule yourself. Would you find it burdensome, even if someone else packed your suitcase for you?

No, they are not inconsistent. One with Dad, one with Mom, repeat. And no suitcase needed-you live with your mother and your father and have needed items.

OP's not asking for your permission to divorce.

OP"s asking what's best for a young child, and I'm saying a 14-day repeat can be hard for a kid to remember.

The "no packing needed" is a fantasy. There are always items to bring and the more variation in days of the week, the harder it is to remember. And even if you pack for the kid, it's still disruptive and time consuming. Nobody would love this way voluntarily, right? Why is that? Oh I know, because it's a pain and sucks.

Why didn't your parents have what you needed at their respective houses? You lived with them both. There's no need to 'pack'.

Because not everything can be duplicated. For example, if you're serious about a musical instrument other than piano, you don't alternate instruments. Partially finished schoolwork is another example. Parents aren't going to literally duplicate every object, so the kid will want to bring books they are reading, Lego builds, whatever projects they're engaged in. Sure, they had what I "needed" but it's not the same. And it's just a big disruption mentally and a timesuck. If you see your child as someone whose time and energy doesn't matter, then go ahead and tell yourself nothing is lost here. Whatever makes you feel okay about your choices, I guess.

NP and just want to add I hear you. I was a 2255 kid and it was really hard to never feel settled. I'm 40 and still wake up on Fridays and think for a second, okay, where am I going after work, Mom's or Dad's?

OP, if it works for your daughter, I'm guessing your daughter would rather be with you than a sitter, Mom's day or not. Just be open to revisiting the arrangement and schedule as she grows. I wish my folks would have done that instead of sticking to a schedule that was decided when I was 7 (which was also how I old I was when they got divorced).

Good luck and wishing you the best. Divorce is hard.

This. It's not about how many duplicate object you buy, or who physically puts the objects in the suitcase, or whose responsibility it is to remember every little thing. It's about feeling comfortable and settled in your home. All too often children of divorce feel like a guest in both homes and never truly settled in either place. The more you shuffle them back and forth to suit your own schedules and emotional needs, the harder it is for them. And of course the pressure to seem okay with it is a burden in itself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thing about 2/2/5 is it's inconsistent as to days of the week. Some children do better with a schedule they can more easily understand, or there are logistical reasons to have them always in a certain home on a certain day of the week.

It's not inconsistent. Ex. Dc with Dad Mon/Tues, Dc with Mom Wed/Thu, rotate Fri Sat Sun.

Right, so Fri Sat Sun are inconsistent. Some kids or families find this hard, others don't.

OP, ask yourself if you would like to live on this schedule yourself. Would you find it burdensome, even if someone else packed your suitcase for you?

No, they are not inconsistent. One with Dad, one with Mom, repeat. And no suitcase needed-you live with your mother and your father and have needed items.

OP's not asking for your permission to divorce.

They are not consistent because the child has to alternate and consistently shuffle around. Of course we know OP does not need anyone's permission for divorce, but it is foolish to pretend that it won't be very damaging to the child. If the parents choose to have the child shuffle between two homes, then they are not choosing what is best for the child. They don't need anyone's permission, but should own up to their choice.

[Anonymous]

OP, I would say really consider the logistics, drive time, etc. Don't put your child through a lot of drive time for the sake of a schedule. Remember, 50/50 doesn't have to mean getting precisely half of every week or fortnight. It's ok for the math to work out over a month or two. For example you could do MTW with mom, ThF with dad, alternate weekends, and plus up dad's time on holidays and school breaks. I don't really understand why 2/2/5 is appealing to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone ceded custody to make it easier for the child. I’m (mom) about to that place. My child doesn’t do well shuffling about so to protect him I’m willing to go 80/20 so he has stability.

I’m a mom and we’re doing 50/50 and the thought is crossing my mind. It kills me how much my kids hate it. My ex has the bigger house.

It’s the worst feeling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thing about 2/2/5 is it's inconsistent as to days of the week. Some children do better with a schedule they can more easily understand, or there are logistical reasons to have them always in a certain home on a certain day of the week.

It's not inconsistent. Ex. Dc with Dad Mon/Tues, Dc with Mom Wed/Thu, rotate Fri Sat Sun.

Not the PP but some 2-2-5 schedules rotate. My sibling's custody agreement goes: M-Mom, D-Dad

MMDDMMM
DDMMDDD

So on Monday, Feb 19th, you'd have to look at the custody calendar or count it out to figure if my sibling would have the kids.

That's not a 2 2 5 5 schedule. That is a 2 2 3 schedule. With 2255, you always have the same weekdays and just rotate weekends.