Beloved dog may have to be put down - WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Our dog is injured and may not recover. We're considering the possibility that she may have to be put to sleep. DH and I are devastated, to say the least. We have a 2.5 y.o. child who treats this dog as a family member as she is an integral part of our daily life. In what terms would you/have you told your own child about the dog's injury/prognosis/death if you were in this situation? Would you have your child say goodbye? Would you let the child to watch the putting-to-sleep procedure as a way of creating closure, or is this too much for a 2.5 y.o.? Are there any children's books you can recommend that address this situation? TIA...

[Anonymous]

Not sure what to tell your child, but I'd have him put down at home - there are vet services that will do this for you at home, so you don't have to say your goodbyes in a vet office and stress your dog further. We used this one:

http://ccvs.biz/aboutvet.html

[Anonymous]

I always thought i would want to have my dog euthanised at my home. But when it came down to it - I am glad I didn't. It is hard for my hubby to think about her still a year later. And if she was put down in the home he would always look at that spot as "where she died"...

Also - some vet techs/ vets are really good about helping owners deal with grief and maybe able to help you explain things to your child. I am a licensed Vet Tech Don't use the terms "put to sleep". That will be confusing and your child might be afraid of sleeping. Also saying things like "he is sick" might scare your child the next time they get sick. There are lots of good books (unfort I can't remember the title of one that I have read)....

Sorry you have to deal with this. Hugs to you and your family

[Anonymous]

Don't have yoyr 2 yr old there when the dog is put down. That is too much.

[Anonymous]

I don't know the answer, but my deepest sympathies are with you. I had my beloved cat put down (she has major cancer and was extremely ill and in a ton of pain). So I know how much it hurts and I don't know how I'd have done it with a child. I guess you'll have to talk to him / her about death. I agree with a PP that you should consider seeking a book or something for guidance. Maybe you will read something and it will just click as the right way to address the situation?

Good luck...

[Anonymous]

I think your 2 yr old will handle it much better than you and your husband. I agree with the PP about not having your child there. Your baby will be confused because it just looks like the dog is sleeping and will also be worried about your and your husband if you two are crying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our dog is injured and may not recover. We're considering the possibility that she may have to be put to sleep. DH and I are devastated, to say the least.

I am so sorry you are having to go through this -- please just take your pup to the vet and let them take care of her/him professionally; you can let your toddler know that the dog was not feeling well and has gone to a better place. Keep it simple and brief. Trust me, kiddo won't remember (although you will).

If your child asks just repeat, better place, not feeling well, it's OK. Hopefully that will do the trick.

from a mom with 8.5 yo pups -- one who has hip displasia and one who is on anxiety meds and a seven month old daughter

[Anonymous]

So sorry for what you are going through. Two good books are the Tenth Good Thing about Barney(don't remember author) and Dog Heaven by Cynthia Rylant.

[Anonymous]

We had our dog put to sleep at home, and I'm glad we did. He hated the vet. He'd flip out the moment we'd even turn down the street towards the vet's office. He was a nervous panting wreck every time he went there. This way we were able to do it at home, where he was comfortable, in his favorite spot. It was sad, but I think it was the right thing to do.

I wouldn't have your daughter there - you are going to be really upset and she won't understand.

[Anonymous]

I second the Tenth Good Thing About Barney. There is also another one called something like "Old Dog." Dog Heaven is ok but it is a happy fantasy heaven kind of thing, rather than one that focuses on the feeling of loss. That's the right tone for many people, but I wanted something to help them know it was ok to grieve, too.

We put our dog down when our kids were 6 and 3. Our dog had a degenerative disease that we knew for six months or more would cause a catastrophic failure someday (which it did), so we able to prepare the kids some. When it happened, I did wake the kids up to tell them the dog was dying and that I was going to take him to the vet and he would not be coming home. One wanted to say goodbye (the younger one) and one didn't. I took the dog by myself, which was hard, but I am really glad the kids were not there to see. Nothing particularly traumatic happened, but it still wasn't very pretty. We explained it at the time (and beforehand) that the dog was very, very old and that his body was starting not to work right anymore. They could see this themselves, of course. Perhaps in your case you could explain that because of the injury your dog's body is not working right anymore and may stop?

We had our dog cremated, and then we sprinkled "the special magic dust, like fairy dust, that represents Fido" (not the real name) in places that he loved, and we each talked about him a little bit. My older child took the loss very, very hard. I had to be on my parenting A game for several days when grief took the form of anger for that child. We still talk about the dog all the time and miss him terribly. Last Christmas my older child still wanted to put out his stocking and even decorated a separate tree for him. We still have the wood box his ashes came in, where we store his collar and a necklace the kids made for him. My older child leaves notes and birthday cards in there for him. We have another dog now, but the dog we lost was really something special for all of us. I'm so sorry, OP, and I hope something in these posts helps.

[Anonymous]

Highly recommend this book, "Dog Heaven": http://www.amazon.com/Dog-Heaven-Cynthia-Rylant/dp/0590417010
It is a very comforting book, for us and for kids.

We went through something similar when our DD was 2 yo. We had our dog euthanized (due to advanced cancer) at home and would not have it any other way. It was calm, the lights were dimmed, we held him and it was all very, very peaceful. It did not change our grief but we felt we did everything we could to make the journey as comfortable for him as we could. We don't look at "the spot" and think of the procedure. In fact, we are comforted by the fact it was here.

As for our DD, we did not tell her beforehand but made sure that they spent a lot of time with him the days leading up to his death. But, the next day, we explained he was sick and went to heaven last night. She missed him. She still misses him. She's 3 and 1/2 and STILL talks about him almost every day. Seriously. She reads the book and we talk about him.

So sorry for all of you. This is very hard thing.

[Anonymous]

OP, we have a 2 3/4 year old (sorry that sounds so stupid) and we just did this the day after Thanksgiving. He had pelvic cancer and was no longer able to use one of his hind legs. She LOVED our dog and we had him for 10 years, so it was hard on all of us. It is very important to be straight with her. We used simple language and said, "Doggie's body stopped working and he died." I emphasized that it was okay to be sad and okay to miss him. I encouraged her to draw pictures and look at pictures. It's been almost a week and she still has moments but is talking about him a little less. There are still triggers around the house, but I very quickly removed most of them (which was sad for me).

We haven't even looked at the books I bought her...they are too sad in my opinion. I can't even get through them without sobbing. I have Saying Goodbye to Lulu which features a female protagonist...don't like it b/c they get a new dog at the end (and we are not). Love Mr. Rogers's book "When a Pet Dies." It's very straightforward.

We had him euthanized at the vet and I kind of wish we had it done at home. DD was present and the dog cried a lot when vet was manipulating his leg to try to diagnose. That part was traumatic...However, DD watched his deterioration so I don't think his death was a complete shock to her. We started talking about the possibility he'd die a few days before the decision.

The above PPs have good advice, too. So sorry you have to go through this. Dogs are so special and become such a part of the family.

[Anonymous]

Let her say goodbye and hug and kiss dog and tell her that the dog is sick and isn't going to get well and is going to heaven. I wouldn't tell her dog is going to sleep because this might scare her and make her afraid of going to sleep. I had to have an 18 yr. old dog put down and I think he knew because he licked my hand and looked at me as though to say "Thank you" so that his suffering would be over.

There is a beautiful poem by Kipling called "The Power of a Dog."

[Anonymous]

Immediate PP again: I should clarify that although we were all there at the vet, only I was there when dog was actually euthanized. DD said goodbye first then stayed in waiting area with DH.

[Anonymous]

When we put our cat down, the vet gave me advice on what to tell my little child.

He said to make sure the child doesn't confuse going to the hospital with being put down. You don't want a connection drawn between the beloved pet's death and what might happen to grandma if she gets sick.