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DD's precocious development driving a wedge between my mommy friends
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Anonymous
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It started way back when are babies were about 6 months old and baby signs were all the rage. I was very standoffish about the fad and did not buy any books or videos unlike my friends who talked about it all the time and at playgroups would say a word and do the sign. This was how we learned the signs.
DD started signing at 8 months. Everyone was thrilled. It was wonderful how we all shared in that joy. Much like we did for first smiles and rolling over and sitting up. But, none of the other babies signed until past their first birthdays and then not as much as DD. There was never a moment where the group had a moment for nany of the kids like we did for my DD since. Milestones have come and gone. Everyone walked at the same time. First words were not a big deal because my friends would report on a new word, but it was not like the group ever heard much. That was until my DD started speaking in sentences overnight at around 1.5 years. Interestingly, no one said anything. But, I swear it is like an elephant in the room. The other's verbal skills range from very short sentences to one word utternces during playgroup. DD has been speaking in long grammatically correct sentences for about 6 months now. At Halloween the kids could all say what there were going to be. One woud yell, "buzz lightyear!" and put his hands in the air. So cute! Everyone laughed. DD then told the group of moms, "I am going to be a fairy for Halloween this year. Maybe next year when I am three years old I will be a Buzz Lightyear like M." There air was then filled with, 'oh, that's nice. Change the subject.' Then, my group began potty training thier kids around 18 months. I was surprised when I heard this. I asked questions and ran out to buy a potty. The next week, DD was potty trained. The next month she was no longer in diapers at all. Even at night. DD's peers are all still struggling with this. The kids are 2.25 now. DD is developmentaly close to a five year old. She certainly speaks like one. She is starting to read by sounding out. She sucks up information form non fiction books like a sponge. She has a thirst for knowledge that is unrelatable to her peers. Nothing has been said about DD's advanceness since she started signing at 8 months. While I am not looking for compliments, it feels so calculated and perhaps coordinated. They are all ignoring DD's development and in turn we are ignoring each kid's development as well. Certainly it is because to announce that E is starting to put together sentences seems wrong when we never said anything about DD speaking in sentences almost a year ago. I am not competetive at all. I want to celebrate all the kids' development. I feel like by ignoring it it is breeding contempt. I know it is. I am feeling excluded and talked about behind my back. And, I feel a little guilty. The group of freinds is dying. Moms are pairing off and going their seperate ways which I am sure is normal at this stage. Some kids have been put in school this year. We have decided not to put DD in school and maybe that has something to do with my percieved shunning. A lot of this doesn't matter anymore as it pertains to this group of friends, but I have a feeling it will come up again. How do you deal? I don't know what to think. I know you all will tell me like it is behind the veil of anonymity. And, that is what I want. |
Anonymous
| Sounds like you're the one with the problem. |
Anonymous
| I think you need to move onto another playgroup, preferably one with mixed ages so you don't feel the need to compare by age. Sounds like that's really the only problem. |
Anonymous
| Ha ha. Good one. |
Anonymous
| Popcorn, please. |
Anonymous
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Oh my gosh. Agree with PP -- terrific that you have an "advanced" daughter. But trust me, no one else cares -- that's why they aren't talking to you about it.
Milestones are really only a big deal to parents (and grandparents). |
Anonymous
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I guess there's only so many times they can go 'wow.'
What would you like them to say? Should they always be commenting on her intelligence? I agree she sounds advanced, but must it be spoken about every time you all hang out? You said: They are all ignoring DD's development and in turn we are ignoring each kid's development as well. Why should you all be commenting on your kids' development? Can't you just accept it and move on? It sounds like this is what your friends are doing. Can't you do it too? |
Anonymous
| OP, please tell us this is a satire. Please. |
Anonymous
| I agree with a PP that you might want to move into a playgroup with mixed ages so there is not so much comparison. Either that or maybe find a new group of friends. I know it is harsh but sometimes people are so competitive and resentful around here. It's unfortunate but sometimes true. When we were trying to get pregnant, I had a friend who viewed it like a competition and a race. When I did get pregnant, I did not even tell her and held her at an arms length. It was just not worth the negative feelings that I got from her and felt when I was around her. You may feel the same. You should not have to feel shunned because your child is advancing developmentally. |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
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I can't decide if I think this is for real.
But if it is... Your kid can't be perfect. It's not possible. Talk to these people about some of your kids downfalls. Make yourself and your kid seem human. Open yourself up a bit about some things YOU are worried about and see if other people don't do the same about their kid (i.e., She talks so much, but boy she really throws temper tantrums that are out of control. What is your experience? OR She talks so well and really seems to love to read, but she is a terrible eater. What is your experience? Any tips for me?). People don't like other people who try to portray their lives or their children as perfect. It's not real and it's a turn off. If you are already doing this and you truly aren't just smug and insufferable (I can't entirely tell from your post, but I'm suspicious since all you present is all the wonderful things about your baby genius), then these people aren't your real friends. I have "real" mom friends. People I have known for 20 years since way before kids. We talk about anything and everything - bad moments, good moments, etc. And we all take joy in each other's kids no matter how "advanced" they are. |
Anonymous
| It's exactly what you think it is: they are all terribly jealous of and uncomfortable around your daughter's genius. |
Anonymous
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Just relax. You may have an exceptionally precocious (which I can't spell?) child forever, or just for now -- sometimes kids spurt early and then plateau. The thing is, you want to hang out with people who love your kid for who she is, not because she's advanced, behind, on target or whatever.
That's the key to any good relationship.  "For who you are."
So don't begrudge these particular parents. Just move on. With your child in school, you'll have many other parents to choose from. Don't add any fuel to the fire by comparing your kids to others or unnecessarily bragging about her accomplishments (a simple "We just think she's great, just like all kids are" or "We find her so much fun and entertaining!") without offering a similar compliments to parents of other children. The key here is to encourage your and your child's social development and happiness.
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Anonymous
| Am I the only one that thinks this is a joke. Her entire playgroup decided to potty train at 18 months? Gimme a break. |
Anonymous
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OP Here. No this is not a satire. lol. This is how I feel, whether it is right or wrong. My feeling are genuine and unless you have been in this situation you might not understand.
I appreciate all the comments. I do. And, I can read sarcasm. I do appreciate a little levity. I agree with the suggestion about the mixed age group. |