Husband isn't good provider and I secretly hate him for it

[Anonymous]

There are a couple of problems here.

1. Women who want a C-Suite life should work to achieve it themselves. That is the only fool proof way of attaining that lifestyle. I understand that as a woman we are told we have the option to marry our way into an UMC/UC life. Its nice in theory but the logistics involved and pure statistics show that its sort of a gamble and not always reliable.

The surest way to secure an UMC/UC life is through marrying a guy who comes from a wealthy family. His family wealth works as a safety blanket regardless of how hard he works at his career. Its awesome if you can find a Big Law attorney who comes from family money for example. Its a win-win situation. That way if he career fails or if he burns out and takes a less stressful job, you still have trusts and estates to fall back on. This is complicated though because in order to meet these types of guys you have to already BE in their circle. Go to posh private/prep schools, be a daughter of one of his parents best friends so you grow up together, go to same colleges etc. Its rare for these types to go out of their way to find a lower middle or middle class girl to marry. It just doesn't happen or is very rare. Your best bet is to wind up at someplace like Harvard, Yale or even UVA and break it into the right circles to meet and date them. Even if you do date and marry one, there's no guarantee that your marriage will necessarily be happy. What if you divorce? You may get awesome child support but there will still be a slight demotion in lifestyle and prestige once separated.

The second best thing is to date and marry guys who hold high earning positions but do not come from money. These guys are very motivated and work very very hard to get to the top. They make for great responsible husbands and fathers. Of course, the issue here is that sometimes life happens. The guy may get sick and die, or lose his job or wake up one day and realize he doesn't want to run the rat race. Not coming from wealth brings with it a host of stressors that can be hard for even a high earning sole provider of a family. If you marry him hoping for a relaxed SAHM lifestyle, if something happens to him or he gives up his career. You're one of the women complaining about husbands salary on DCUM.

The BEST strategy imo, is to work hard, go to the best schools and universities and plan for that high paying job YOURSELF. That way you're already set for life, yourself with the exact lifestyle you want on YORU TERMS. If you happen to marry a rich guy, all the better! Case in point, look at Amal Clooney. Glamorous international lawyer who already had a fabulous life. Its how she met Clooney and now lives a fairytale.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are a couple of problems here.

1. Women who want a C-Suite life should work to achieve it themselves. That is the only fool proof way of attaining that lifestyle. I understand that as a woman we are told we have the option to marry our way into an UMC/UC life. Its nice in theory but the logistics involved and pure statistics show that its sort of a gamble and not always reliable.

The surest way to secure an UMC/UC life is through marrying a guy who comes from a wealthy family. His family wealth works as a safety blanket regardless of how hard he works at his career. Its awesome if you can find a Big Law attorney who comes from family money for example. Its a win-win situation. That way if he career fails or if he burns out and takes a less stressful job, you still have trusts and estates to fall back on. This is complicated though because in order to meet these types of guys you have to already BE in their circle. Go to posh private/prep schools, be a daughter of one of his parents best friends so you grow up together, go to same colleges etc. Its rare for these types to go out of their way to find a lower middle or middle class girl to marry. It just doesn't happen or is very rare. Your best bet is to wind up at someplace like Harvard, Yale or even UVA and break it into the right circles to meet and date them. Even if you do date and marry one, there's no guarantee that your marriage will necessarily be happy. What if you divorce? You may get awesome child support but there will still be a slight demotion in lifestyle and prestige once separated.

The second best thing is to date and marry guys who hold high earning positions but do not come from money. These guys are very motivated and work very very hard to get to the top. They make for great responsible husbands and fathers. Of course, the issue here is that sometimes life happens. The guy may get sick and die, or lose his job or wake up one day and realize he doesn't want to run the rat race. Not coming from wealth brings with it a host of stressors that can be hard for even a high earning sole provider of a family. If you marry him hoping for a relaxed SAHM lifestyle, if something happens to him or he gives up his career. You're one of the women complaining about husbands salary on DCUM.

The BEST strategy imo, is to work hard, go to the best schools and universities and plan for that high paying job YOURSELF. That way you're already set for life, yourself with the exact lifestyle you want on YORU TERMS. If you happen to marry a rich guy, all the better! Case in point, look at Amal Clooney. Glamorous international lawyer who already had a fabulous life. Its how she met Clooney and now lives a fairytale.

Or...you can end up like a lot of my friends from our (top rated) grad school. In their 30s, no husband, eggs rapidly expiring, and up to their eyeballs in debt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are a couple of problems here.

1. Women who want a C-Suite life should work to achieve it themselves. That is the only fool proof way of attaining that lifestyle. I understand that as a woman we are told we have the option to marry our way into an UMC/UC life. Its nice in theory but the logistics involved and pure statistics show that its sort of a gamble and not always reliable.

The surest way to secure an UMC/UC life is through marrying a guy who comes from a wealthy family. His family wealth works as a safety blanket regardless of how hard he works at his career. Its awesome if you can find a Big Law attorney who comes from family money for example. Its a win-win situation. That way if he career fails or if he burns out and takes a less stressful job, you still have trusts and estates to fall back on. This is complicated though because in order to meet these types of guys you have to already BE in their circle. Go to posh private/prep schools, be a daughter of one of his parents best friends so you grow up together, go to same colleges etc. Its rare for these types to go out of their way to find a lower middle or middle class girl to marry. It just doesn't happen or is very rare. Your best bet is to wind up at someplace like Harvard, Yale or even UVA and break it into the right circles to meet and date them. Even if you do date and marry one, there's no guarantee that your marriage will necessarily be happy. What if you divorce? You may get awesome child support but there will still be a slight demotion in lifestyle and prestige once separated.

The second best thing is to date and marry guys who hold high earning positions but do not come from money. These guys are very motivated and work very very hard to get to the top. They make for great responsible husbands and fathers. Of course, the issue here is that sometimes life happens. The guy may get sick and die, or lose his job or wake up one day and realize he doesn't want to run the rat race. Not coming from wealth brings with it a host of stressors that can be hard for even a high earning sole provider of a family. If you marry him hoping for a relaxed SAHM lifestyle, if something happens to him or he gives up his career. You're one of the women complaining about husbands salary on DCUM.

The BEST strategy imo, is to work hard, go to the best schools and universities and plan for that high paying job YOURSELF. That way you're already set for life, yourself with the exact lifestyle you want on YORU TERMS. If you happen to marry a rich guy, all the better! Case in point, look at Amal Clooney. Glamorous international lawyer who already had a fabulous life. Its how she met Clooney and now lives a fairytale.

Or...you can end up like a lot of my friends from our (top rated) grad school. In their 30s, no husband, eggs rapidly expiring, and up to their eyeballs in debt.

Why didn't they find anyone to date in grad school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are a couple of problems here.

1. Women who want a C-Suite life should work to achieve it themselves. That is the only fool proof way of attaining that lifestyle. I understand that as a woman we are told we have the option to marry our way into an UMC/UC life. Its nice in theory but the logistics involved and pure statistics show that its sort of a gamble and not always reliable.

The surest way to secure an UMC/UC life is through marrying a guy who comes from a wealthy family. His family wealth works as a safety blanket regardless of how hard he works at his career. Its awesome if you can find a Big Law attorney who comes from family money for example. Its a win-win situation. That way if he career fails or if he burns out and takes a less stressful job, you still have trusts and estates to fall back on. This is complicated though because in order to meet these types of guys you have to already BE in their circle. Go to posh private/prep schools, be a daughter of one of his parents best friends so you grow up together, go to same colleges etc. Its rare for these types to go out of their way to find a lower middle or middle class girl to marry. It just doesn't happen or is very rare. Your best bet is to wind up at someplace like Harvard, Yale or even UVA and break it into the right circles to meet and date them. Even if you do date and marry one, there's no guarantee that your marriage will necessarily be happy. What if you divorce? You may get awesome child support but there will still be a slight demotion in lifestyle and prestige once separated.

The second best thing is to date and marry guys who hold high earning positions but do not come from money. These guys are very motivated and work very very hard to get to the top. They make for great responsible husbands and fathers. Of course, the issue here is that sometimes life happens. The guy may get sick and die, or lose his job or wake up one day and realize he doesn't want to run the rat race. Not coming from wealth brings with it a host of stressors that can be hard for even a high earning sole provider of a family. If you marry him hoping for a relaxed SAHM lifestyle, if something happens to him or he gives up his career. You're one of the women complaining about husbands salary on DCUM.

The BEST strategy imo, is to work hard, go to the best schools and universities and plan for that high paying job YOURSELF. That way you're already set for life, yourself with the exact lifestyle you want on YORU TERMS. If you happen to marry a rich guy, all the better! Case in point, look at Amal Clooney. Glamorous international lawyer who already had a fabulous life. Its how she met Clooney and now lives a fairytale.

Or...you can end up like a lot of my friends from our (top rated) grad school. In their 30s, no husband, eggs rapidly expiring, and up to their eyeballs in debt.

Why didn't they find anyone to date in grad school?

How old are you? Some people did pair off. Vast majority did not. Men these days are not so eager to settle down, especially the professionals-in-training at age 25.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are a couple of problems here.

1. Women who want a C-Suite life should work to achieve it themselves. That is the only fool proof way of attaining that lifestyle. I understand that as a woman we are told we have the option to marry our way into an UMC/UC life. Its nice in theory but the logistics involved and pure statistics show that its sort of a gamble and not always reliable.

The surest way to secure an UMC/UC life is through marrying a guy who comes from a wealthy family. His family wealth works as a safety blanket regardless of how hard he works at his career. Its awesome if you can find a Big Law attorney who comes from family money for example. Its a win-win situation. That way if he career fails or if he burns out and takes a less stressful job, you still have trusts and estates to fall back on. This is complicated though because in order to meet these types of guys you have to already BE in their circle. Go to posh private/prep schools, be a daughter of one of his parents best friends so you grow up together, go to same colleges etc. Its rare for these types to go out of their way to find a lower middle or middle class girl to marry. It just doesn't happen or is very rare. Your best bet is to wind up at someplace like Harvard, Yale or even UVA and break it into the right circles to meet and date them. Even if you do date and marry one, there's no guarantee that your marriage will necessarily be happy. What if you divorce? You may get awesome child support but there will still be a slight demotion in lifestyle and prestige once separated.

The second best thing is to date and marry guys who hold high earning positions but do not come from money. These guys are very motivated and work very very hard to get to the top. They make for great responsible husbands and fathers. Of course, the issue here is that sometimes life happens. The guy may get sick and die, or lose his job or wake up one day and realize he doesn't want to run the rat race. Not coming from wealth brings with it a host of stressors that can be hard for even a high earning sole provider of a family. If you marry him hoping for a relaxed SAHM lifestyle, if something happens to him or he gives up his career. You're one of the women complaining about husbands salary on DCUM.

The BEST strategy imo, is to work hard, go to the best schools and universities and plan for that high paying job YOURSELF. That way you're already set for life, yourself with the exact lifestyle you want on YORU TERMS. If you happen to marry a rich guy, all the better! Case in point, look at Amal Clooney. Glamorous international lawyer who already had a fabulous life. Its how she met Clooney and now lives a fairytale.

Or...you can end up like a lot of my friends from our (top rated) grad school. In their 30s, no husband, eggs rapidly expiring, and up to their eyeballs in debt.

Why didn't they find anyone to date in grad school?

They probably assumed that their options would be better once they had successful careers. That's how it works for men, but it's not the same for women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are a couple of problems here.

1. Women who want a C-Suite life should work to achieve it themselves. That is the only fool proof way of attaining that lifestyle. I understand that as a woman we are told we have the option to marry our way into an UMC/UC life. Its nice in theory but the logistics involved and pure statistics show that its sort of a gamble and not always reliable.

The surest way to secure an UMC/UC life is through marrying a guy who comes from a wealthy family. His family wealth works as a safety blanket regardless of how hard he works at his career. Its awesome if you can find a Big Law attorney who comes from family money for example. Its a win-win situation. That way if he career fails or if he burns out and takes a less stressful job, you still have trusts and estates to fall back on. This is complicated though because in order to meet these types of guys you have to already BE in their circle. Go to posh private/prep schools, be a daughter of one of his parents best friends so you grow up together, go to same colleges etc. Its rare for these types to go out of their way to find a lower middle or middle class girl to marry. It just doesn't happen or is very rare. Your best bet is to wind up at someplace like Harvard, Yale or even UVA and break it into the right circles to meet and date them. Even if you do date and marry one, there's no guarantee that your marriage will necessarily be happy. What if you divorce? You may get awesome child support but there will still be a slight demotion in lifestyle and prestige once separated.

The second best thing is to date and marry guys who hold high earning positions but do not come from money. These guys are very motivated and work very very hard to get to the top. They make for great responsible husbands and fathers. Of course, the issue here is that sometimes life happens. The guy may get sick and die, or lose his job or wake up one day and realize he doesn't want to run the rat race. Not coming from wealth brings with it a host of stressors that can be hard for even a high earning sole provider of a family. If you marry him hoping for a relaxed SAHM lifestyle, if something happens to him or he gives up his career. You're one of the women complaining about husbands salary on DCUM.

The BEST strategy imo, is to work hard, go to the best schools and universities and plan for that high paying job YOURSELF. That way you're already set for life, yourself with the exact lifestyle you want on YORU TERMS. If you happen to marry a rich guy, all the better! Case in point, look at Amal Clooney. Glamorous international lawyer who already had a fabulous life. Its how she met Clooney and now lives a fairytale.

Or...you can end up like a lot of my friends from our (top rated) grad school. In their 30s, no husband, eggs rapidly expiring, and up to their eyeballs in debt.

Pretty sure Amal Clooney's eggs expired, but since she had all that money...voila, twins.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are a couple of problems here.

1. Women who want a C-Suite life should work to achieve it themselves. That is the only fool proof way of attaining that lifestyle. I understand that as a woman we are told we have the option to marry our way into an UMC/UC life. Its nice in theory but the logistics involved and pure statistics show that its sort of a gamble and not always reliable.

The surest way to secure an UMC/UC life is through marrying a guy who comes from a wealthy family. His family wealth works as a safety blanket regardless of how hard he works at his career. Its awesome if you can find a Big Law attorney who comes from family money for example. Its a win-win situation. That way if he career fails or if he burns out and takes a less stressful job, you still have trusts and estates to fall back on. This is complicated though because in order to meet these types of guys you have to already BE in their circle. Go to posh private/prep schools, be a daughter of one of his parents best friends so you grow up together, go to same colleges etc. Its rare for these types to go out of their way to find a lower middle or middle class girl to marry. It just doesn't happen or is very rare. Your best bet is to wind up at someplace like Harvard, Yale or even UVA and break it into the right circles to meet and date them. Even if you do date and marry one, there's no guarantee that your marriage will necessarily be happy. What if you divorce? You may get awesome child support but there will still be a slight demotion in lifestyle and prestige once separated.

The second best thing is to date and marry guys who hold high earning positions but do not come from money. These guys are very motivated and work very very hard to get to the top. They make for great responsible husbands and fathers. Of course, the issue here is that sometimes life happens. The guy may get sick and die, or lose his job or wake up one day and realize he doesn't want to run the rat race. Not coming from wealth brings with it a host of stressors that can be hard for even a high earning sole provider of a family. If you marry him hoping for a relaxed SAHM lifestyle, if something happens to him or he gives up his career. You're one of the women complaining about husbands salary on DCUM.

The BEST strategy imo, is to work hard, go to the best schools and universities and plan for that high paying job YOURSELF. That way you're already set for life, yourself with the exact lifestyle you want on YORU TERMS. If you happen to marry a rich guy, all the better! Case in point, look at Amal Clooney. Glamorous international lawyer who already had a fabulous life. Its how she met Clooney and now lives a fairytale.

Or...you can end up like a lot of my friends from our (top rated) grad school. In their 30s, no husband, eggs rapidly expiring, and up to their eyeballs in debt.

Pretty sure Amal Clooney's eggs expired, but since she had all that money...voila, twins.

Holy Cow, she's only 39. She looks ten years older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate to say it but I kind of agree with you. DH is in sales and always exceeds his quota and is one of the top producers in his office. He wins national contests and by all means is successful at what he does. But he's 41 and only some years cracks 200K and that's barely. That is nothing to sneeze at but there serious money to be made if you're a talented salesman. He always wants to put everything off because he doesn't have consistent income and doesn't know if it will be a good/bad month/year. I work full time and he always promised me I could go part time (4 days/week) this coming year (childcare costs go down) due to my health issues but he reneged again because even though he's having a great year this year he can't predict next year. If I'm realistic it's never going to happen because he's never going to feel comfortable with me reducing my salary by 20% with his income as an unknown. Btw 20% of my income is $14K/year. Not pocket change but not life changing money either. I think part of it is ego--he'd rather have "success" where he is now and is highly regarded vs. go somewhere else and risk not being viewed as talented and successful and BMOC .

I hear about people in sales raking it in and wonder why DH isn't pursuing positions like those. I think it's fear of failure but because of that it impacts all of our lives due to it being so up and down. He's always seeking a huge year but it doesn't pan out. If it did he'd be constantly seeking it again and being pissy when it didn't happen. Honestly if he's never going to seek a position with higher risk/reward I'd rather him take a job with like a 150K salary and call it a day so we can at least budget accurately and we can base decisions on known vs. unknown. He refuses because he says he only wants to be in sales but it affects the whole family. He's great when he gets a deal and then we have to walk on eggshells when he's having a bad streak. I'm over it.

You are complaining about a husband who makes $200k?

That is my reaction exactly.

FFS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate to say it but I kind of agree with you. DH is in sales and always exceeds his quota and is one of the top producers in his office. He wins national contests and by all means is successful at what he does. But he's 41 and only some years cracks 200K and that's barely. That is nothing to sneeze at but there serious money to be made if you're a talented salesman. He always wants to put everything off because he doesn't have consistent income and doesn't know if it will be a good/bad month/year. I work full time and he always promised me I could go part time (4 days/week) this coming year (childcare costs go down) due to my health issues but he reneged again because even though he's having a great year this year he can't predict next year. If I'm realistic it's never going to happen because he's never going to feel comfortable with me reducing my salary by 20% with his income as an unknown. Btw 20% of my income is $14K/year. Not pocket change but not life changing money either. I think part of it is ego--he'd rather have "success" where he is now and is highly regarded vs. go somewhere else and risk not being viewed as talented and successful and BMOC .

I hear about people in sales raking it in and wonder why DH isn't pursuing positions like those. I think it's fear of failure but because of that it impacts all of our lives due to it being so up and down. He's always seeking a huge year but it doesn't pan out. If it did he'd be constantly seeking it again and being pissy when it didn't happen. Honestly if he's never going to seek a position with higher risk/reward I'd rather him take a job with like a 150K salary and call it a day so we can at least budget accurately and we can base decisions on known vs. unknown. He refuses because he says he only wants to be in sales but it affects the whole family. He's great when he gets a deal and then we have to walk on eggshells when he's having a bad streak. I'm over it.

You are complaining about a husband who makes $200k?

That is my reaction exactly.

FFS

It's okay to aim higher ladies. No need to drag others down when your hubs only brings in 90k.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you would earn more in DC if you could speak and write English properly ?

You seem like a real intellect youself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are a couple of problems here.

1. Women who want a C-Suite life should work to achieve it themselves. That is the only fool proof way of attaining that lifestyle. I understand that as a woman we are told we have the option to marry our way into an UMC/UC life. Its nice in theory but the logistics involved and pure statistics show that its sort of a gamble and not always reliable.

The surest way to secure an UMC/UC life is through marrying a guy who comes from a wealthy family. His family wealth works as a safety blanket regardless of how hard he works at his career. Its awesome if you can find a Big Law attorney who comes from family money for example. Its a win-win situation. That way if he career fails or if he burns out and takes a less stressful job, you still have trusts and estates to fall back on. This is complicated though because in order to meet these types of guys you have to already BE in their circle. Go to posh private/prep schools, be a daughter of one of his parents best friends so you grow up together, go to same colleges etc. Its rare for these types to go out of their way to find a lower middle or middle class girl to marry. It just doesn't happen or is very rare. Your best bet is to wind up at someplace like Harvard, Yale or even UVA and break it into the right circles to meet and date them. Even if you do date and marry one, there's no guarantee that your marriage will necessarily be happy. What if you divorce? You may get awesome child support but there will still be a slight demotion in lifestyle and prestige once separated.

The second best thing is to date and marry guys who hold high earning positions but do not come from money. These guys are very motivated and work very very hard to get to the top. They make for great responsible husbands and fathers. Of course, the issue here is that sometimes life happens. The guy may get sick and die, or lose his job or wake up one day and realize he doesn't want to run the rat race. Not coming from wealth brings with it a host of stressors that can be hard for even a high earning sole provider of a family. If you marry him hoping for a relaxed SAHM lifestyle, if something happens to him or he gives up his career. You're one of the women complaining about husbands salary on DCUM.

The BEST strategy imo, is to work hard, go to the best schools and universities and plan for that high paying job YOURSELF. That way you're already set for life, yourself with the exact lifestyle you want on YORU TERMS. If you happen to marry a rich guy, all the better! Case in point, look at Amal Clooney. Glamorous international lawyer who already had a fabulous life. Its how she met Clooney and now lives a fairytale.

Or...you can end up like a lot of my friends from our (top rated) grad school. In their 30s, no husband, eggs rapidly expiring, and up to their eyeballs in debt.

Pretty sure Amal Clooney's eggs expired, but since she had all that money...voila, twins.

Holy Cow, she's only 39. She looks ten years older.

Are you serious?? I thought she was late 40s. Wow, looks like she was put away wet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's your hhi? Do you have a downpayment saved up?

+1. Now 9 pages in and still no answer regarding HHI.

Seriously. DC is expensive, but it's not insane. Two professional earners (OP even said she makes more than her dh) should be able to buy some kind of house in the area within a reasonable commute to downtown.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate to say it but I kind of agree with you. DH is in sales and always exceeds his quota and is one of the top producers in his office. He wins national contests and by all means is successful at what he does. But he's 41 and only some years cracks 200K and that's barely. That is nothing to sneeze at but there serious money to be made if you're a talented salesman. He always wants to put everything off because he doesn't have consistent income and doesn't know if it will be a good/bad month/year. I work full time and he always promised me I could go part time (4 days/week) this coming year (childcare costs go down) due to my health issues but he reneged again because even though he's having a great year this year he can't predict next year. If I'm realistic it's never going to happen because he's never going to feel comfortable with me reducing my salary by 20% with his income as an unknown. Btw 20% of my income is $14K/year. Not pocket change but not life changing money either. I think part of it is ego--he'd rather have "success" where he is now and is highly regarded vs. go somewhere else and risk not being viewed as talented and successful and BMOC .

I hear about people in sales raking it in and wonder why DH isn't pursuing positions like those. I think it's fear of failure but because of that it impacts all of our lives due to it being so up and down. He's always seeking a huge year but it doesn't pan out. If it did he'd be constantly seeking it again and being pissy when it didn't happen. Honestly if he's never going to seek a position with higher risk/reward I'd rather him take a job with like a 150K salary and call it a day so we can at least budget accurately and we can base decisions on known vs. unknown. He refuses because he says he only wants to be in sales but it affects the whole family. He's great when he gets a deal and then we have to walk on eggshells when he's having a bad streak. I'm over it.

You are complaining about a husband who makes $200k?

That is my reaction exactly.

FFS

It's okay to aim higher ladies. No need to drag others down when your hubs only brings in 90k.

That's roughly twice the average salary for a full-time worker in this country. DC is truly an elitist bubble.

[Anonymous]

When are the waves of divorce? I am 34, DH is 37. Have been together a bit over 7 years. I feel like a lot of our friends have just gotten married and started having kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When are the waves of divorce? I am 34, DH is 37. Have been together a bit over 7 years. I feel like a lot of our friends have just gotten married and started having kids.

Oops meant to post this in the other thread