Needing encouragement: Day Three of Potty Training Hell

[Anonymous]

My son turned 3 in March, and has all the signs of being ready to start training. I started in earnest Wednesday trying to potty train, and I feel like I'm getting no where. It was so much easier with DD, who "got it" in less than 2 days.

I gave him a couple of stuffed animals to teach them how to use the potty chair. He totally digs this. He only peed in the potty once, on day 1. My method is the naked commando way. He runs around the house naked from the waist down so he's always ready to hop on with no encumbrances. So yesterday, he wet his diaper just after he hopped out of his bed to come get breakfast. DS 1, Mom 0. Then he held it all day until naptime, when I put him in a pull up. Yeah, so he goes while snoozing or before he got out of bed. DS 2, Mom 0. Then he holds it all evening until bedtime. Nothing. Not a drip, nada. This morning his pull up was soaked of course. DS 3, Mom 0.

So today, he's been holding it and had a pee accident (of course, he chooses the carpet instead of the hardwoods...) He had to help me clean it up, but I can't help feeling like this is a losing game! I'm almost tempted to throw in the towel and wait another month or two. I need another mom to toss me a lifeline of encouragement or some additional tricks for my toolkit!! How long on average before they start to connect the dots and "get it"??? I will go crazy before he's potty trained! I'm showing no reaction to his accidents either. This is an all reward based method for us. I bought 20 matchbox cars for him to "earn" with each successful trip to the potty (one car per success). So far, he wants the car, but not enough to pee in the potty.

ARRRGGGGHHH!

[Anonymous]

I just posted some potty training questions myself. My DS has just started to pee in the potty (though no dice for poop). As of a month ago he was refusing to pee and holding it in when I did manage to get him to sit there. His pediatrician said to give it a rest, he's still a young three and no need to push it if he's not ready. She said take a month off and try again, which I did.

Oops, DS just had another accident! Gotta run. Hee hee.

[Anonymous]

I agree with PP - stop for a few weeks and try again.

Have you tried bribery?? lol

[Anonymous]

I used real underwear and I had him sit on potty every 90 minutes or so. Will he sit on potty but just not go?

[Anonymous]

I have been potty training my son since around XMAS. It is a process so just keep that in mind. My son is now 3 and will go to the potty when I tell him to but rarely goes on his own. I heard a mom screaming at her daughter in a public bathroom the other day to go to the bathroom. She was 2 or 3 yrs old. She said she had been training for about a week and I had to laugh b/c she was acting like it had taken them yrs. Relax and just keep it up. If your son can hold it all morning, that's great! Just put him on the potty every 1-2 hrs and it will happen.

[Anonymous]

He honestly doesn't sound quite ready. I'm sorry I can't be more encouraging.

Elmo's potty video is great. Also, using one M&M for each successful pee and two for each successful poo helped us.

[Anonymous]

peeing while standing, into the big toilet, did the trick for my son. we were desperate - and the moment we figured he could pee standing, things turn to better, so fast i could not believe. poopie was a different story - but pee was fast after that
good luck - and trust me, it will be a long and painful process but you will get there - you will. i was so ready to throw in the towel after wiping pee from under the sofa after weeks of training - and then, one day, it started clicking. he is fully potty trained now and it is so great to forget diapers.

[Anonymous]

My mom says she gave us grape juice, all we could drink (we were NEVER allowed to have it otherwise), so that we'd be peeing all day, and have that many more opportunities to get it right. This was in addition to the M&M trick.

[Anonymous]

I was where you are now about a month ago. It took us about three days to get to the first successful pee in the potty (this is for DD, who is almost 3). After that, we had maybe two or three days of successes, mixed in with holding pee for naptime or night time. Then two weeks of setbacks - accidents, peeing just after I put a pull-up on her because we had to go somewhere, etc. Then suddenly, just when I started to think I should just let it go completely, it clicked. About 3 1/2 weeks into it, she suddenly loved peeing in the potty. Where in the beginning she might have gone once between getting up and nap time, now she goes three times, and wants to sit on the potty to try several more times in between. We started with rewards, but don't need them anymore - she doesn't ask for it, she's just so pleased with herself. She's been in underwear for over a week with zero accidents and has asked not to wear a diaper at night (her morning diaper is usually soaked, so I told her we should probably practice a little more before we do that

So, I think as long as you are not meeting full-blown resistance (like not wanting to sit on the potty at all, kicking and screaming), but rather just 'silent' resistance (waiting and holding it till a diaper comes on), I would keep trying a bit longer. As a PP said, it's a process. Don't put too much pressure on him and yourself, but keep letting him run around nacked or without diapers, and it'll probably start to work sooner or later. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

To me it sounds like you have part of the training done. He knows how to hold it, but not what it feels like to release it. I'd keep trying and then the second you have success, pounce on it by having him go to the potty as often as possible. Since he doesn't sound unhappy to be working on this, doesn't seem like there is any harm to keeping going.

And, if you think about your scoring system, maybe it should be mommy 2 instead of DS 2. Afterall, you kept him without an accident for all of his waking hours.

[Anonymous]

Three days is not very long! He is three and definitely old enough to get it. You just have to be VERY patient and not let it bother you (at least not let it show that it bothers you!). I found the best thing to do was to completely get rid of the diapers and pull-ups, yes, even at sleep time. Use underwear so that he feels the wet (also so it catches the poop). I did this with my three year old, and it took about 1-2 weeks until he was mostly keeping the underwear dry. I would put him on every few hours, but really tried hard not to make a big deal out of it. He got a hershey's kiss for peeing, and two for pooping.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I feel for you. My 3.5 yo daughter does not get it and it's incredibly frustrating. She has been regularly sitting on the potty for almost a year and had 7-8 successes total. Recently over a four day weekend we went with no pullups and regular underwear and she had scores of accidents. We had to go back to pullups when she went back to preschool at the end of that weekend and has stayed in them since. Going to wait until end of May when preschool ends to ditch the pullups again.

We have a zero stress approach, have offered every reward we can think of minus a pony, we read books, she reads books, she watches tv while sitting on the pot - nothing. She really doesn't mind sitting on either her portable potty or the insert on the toilet and sits when we ask. She even asks to go, just doesn't pee or poop.

Can someone who has been in our shoes please tell me we're not alone and/or maybe that you experienced the same thing too? We don't want to stress about it but this is *crazy*!

[Anonymous]

To 23:06 (and others with kids in preschool), you should be asking your child's preschool (or daycare) to help you on this one - they should be an ally not an obstacle. "Peer pressure" (i.e. 5 kids all going to the potty one after another) can help move things along. Our daughter was trained (pee pee only) during school hours first, then when she got the hang of that, we started doing it at home (with a bare naked weekend thrown in). That way I knew that she was super ready, and it really was a breeze (she was 3y4m). We actually held off training for quite some time - before that she would only sit for a nanosecond on the potty wiht not a drop in sight - and we were too lazy to force the issue. It was actually her school that encouraged me to start and they were very cooperative. Since I was certain that she would not leave "play" for the potty, we agreed that they would ask her to go regularly with a group. So, if you have one month before school lets out, that may be perfect timing for trying this out. I would be very surprised if your school/teacher does not welcome this - most of them do this all the time. Another thing in the school's favor, at least in my daughter's case, is that she tends to be much more the "good soldier" at school, following directions that she ignores at home (a battle best reserved for a separate post).

[Anonymous]

OP here.. well, I surrendered to my little Napolean. I hate to have to go back to square one, but after day three, DS turned into a braying mule! He would not be coerced, bribed, threatened, begged or placated into using or even getting NEAR the potty. Candy, stickers, we even went to Target and bought 20 Matchbox cars he could have with each success. Nope, he decided he'd rather hold back the poo and pee over getting a new car. For him, THAT says a lot about how much he must NOT want to use the potty.

I think I tried until day 4, and then I told DH it was his job to either try to teach him, or get off my back about getting him trained. Needless to say, there was no teaching on his part done over the weekend... The thing is, DS would pee in a pair of underwear (no pullups) and down his pants, and just be cool with it. Thinking I'd sharpen the discomfort just a wee bit, I didn't pounce on the accident to get him rinsed off and dry for about 10 minutes. No big deal. He didn't care. In fact, he went behind the couch and added a poo to the whole shebang.

Now, this is my totally OCD kid! He cannot tolerate a grain of oatmeal on his chin, nor a speck of sand on his palm, nor the wind in his hair - - but he's good with bodily waste. I give up! I'll try again in a month or so, but it was getting hard for me to conceal my frustration. He is about as stubborn and singleminded as I am, so we cannot go to battle over potty training or I will lose!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel for you. My 3.5 yo daughter does not get it and it's incredibly frustrating. She has been regularly sitting on the potty for almost a year and had 7-8 successes total. Recently over a four day weekend we went with no pullups and regular underwear and she had scores of accidents. We had to go back to pullups when she went back to preschool at the end of that weekend and has stayed in them since. Going to wait until end of May when preschool ends to ditch the pullups again.

We have a zero stress approach, have offered every reward we can think of minus a pony, we read books, she reads books, she watches tv while sitting on the pot - nothing. She really doesn't mind sitting on either her portable potty or the insert on the toilet and sits when we ask. She even asks to go, just doesn't pee or poop.

Can someone who has been in our shoes please tell me we're not alone and/or maybe that you experienced the same thing too? We don't want to stress about it but this is *crazy*!

My son was like that. It took him all summer to train when he was 3 1/2. He would sit on the potty for a few seconds, then longer, without doing anything. We had several different potties scattered around the house and a potty ring on the toilet. But nothing worked for 6 months. Finally I offered 1 jelly bean for trying and 2 for suceeding, plus a whole page of stickers, and he pee trained during the day. He'd still hold poop and go in his pullup upon waking. We had to ditch the pullups altgether for 6 weeks to change that habit. This meant a lot of laundry and new waterproof mattress pads. Then we went back to pullups because he isn't night pee trained. He doesn't wake up to go (not his fault). Now that he's almost 5 he refuses to wear pullups at night and we have to get him up twice to keep him from having accidents.