When one parent wants private and one wants public
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Anonymous
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This is for high school. The private would be a Catholic private. We already had kids in a Catholic elementary school for several years and for me it's not a fond memory in general. One kid switched to public early on and the other switched for middle school and is now at our local public high school and doing well. I was not impressed with the academics at the catholic elementary and didn't like the small size, wide variance in teacher quality, lack of extracurriculars, lack of diversity and in one case actual racism, and the cliques (students and parents).
Spouse went to Catholic school all the way through and has good memories of their high school, which was an independent Catholic in the area with a good reputation. We both think the other is projecting our prior experience onto this decision - and that's probably right. But in my defense, mine is based on the recent actual experience of my children and not on high school memories. Bottom line, I want what would be best for my child. Child is finishing 7th now so this process and decision would be made over the next year. Child is bright, in honors classes now. Child is also expressing more interest in faith as they are going through the Confirmation process. So that's a point in favor of Catholic education. I have to say I have so much anxiety thinking about this. I always felt like we were fish out of water at the previous Catholic school, and my spouse never clicked with any of the parents and in fact expresses dislike of them in general. Spouse seems to think that the high school will be different. I don't. If you were so far apart on something like this, how did you work through it? And if anyone has input and insight on the Diocesan high schools in the area I'd like to hear it. |
Anonymous
| I just think that as parents it won’t matter as much about you liking the parent cohort. It’s high school! You won’t be having to mix as much with other families |
Anonymous
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Besides making sure the money would work for private school and my kids were interested, it took many conversations with spouse. Looking at what it would take to make me feel comfortable with spouse’s preference and really evaluating if what I valued was in fact true at the option I wanted in the context of my child, while spouse did the same, is what worked.
So if for example I really wanted my kid to attend public school because there is a great theatre program we would talk over if my kid even wanted to be part of theatre in high school or are making an assumption. Is the local high school program good today and I’ve seen a play, talked to current parents with kids in theatre etc or am I going by an old reputation? Will my kid have a good chance of getting a role at the big public school or actually if I can find a Catholic school that has a good theatre program it might be better because they have a better chance of participating? If everything else was a match at the Catholic school except having a strong theatre program would involvement in a non-school theatre program address my concern? |
Anonymous
| I hate to be sexist here but which school are we talking about and are these kids boys or girls? If boys and it’s Gonzaga or Prep yes. Otherwise no. Girls don’t typically get into the same types of trouble in high schools that boys get into -gangs, selling drugs, etc |
Anonymous
You think boys from families that have the ability to send them to Gonzaga and Prep are going to get into drugs and gangs in the MoCo/FFX/DC public schools? |
Anonymous
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My kids are in/attended a small independent Catholic high school, after public school K-8, and it's been a great experience. (note: we aren't Catholic and this is a school in the outer 'burbs).
IMO, the only drawback in our experience has been limited class choices. It would have been nice if they could have taken an economics class, etc. when they were thinking of those majors for college. But otherwise the rigor, the small class sizes, the discipline have been advantages. At our public school, a school resource officer has an office by the principal. At our private, if a police officer is at the school, it's because he/she is a parent. My kids' friends have sent them videos of regular physical brawls in the cafeteria and hallways at our high school, which doesn't happen at our school. School sports are an opportunity for nearly everyone at our school, basketball is the only sport that has cuts. It's great that everyone can find a sport and it's not 80 boys going out for 14 spots on the JV soccer team. Yes, the quality of the sports isn't top notch, but most recruiting (exception: football) is done from club/travel teams. And yes, we do interact with the other parents, there's a lot of parental involvement and participation. And like in any situation, there are some parents I really enjoy and others, not so much. My top priority are my kids and their education and welfare. |
Anonymous
| High school is not like elementary school. You will hardly ever see other parents except those close to your kids |
Anonymous
| What does your kid want? |
Anonymous
Catholic high schools can be quite different, with a fair amount of parent participation. That's part of what makes the experience different, with parents who are generally more involved than public schools. And the schools relying on that involvement. |
Anonymous
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Op, step back. Do nothing. Say nothing more about it at all, to anyone. Does DH make it happen on his own? He would need to care enough to make it happen. He would need to care enough to do every detail. Do all the talking to the kids, any convincing. Deal with any push-back. Again, handle every detail. Don't make this a marital issue.
(my guess is ... it doesn't happen) |
Anonymous
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For years I wanted private and DH didn't. I waited until DH came on board. To us public is the default, because it doesn't cost extra.
It made a difference to me that our kids specifically asked for their faith to be more of a part of their education. Really made me stay committed to the private side of things. If you want insight on the area Catholic schools, search the private school forum or ask. You'll get a wealth, but take it with a heaping teacup (not spoon) of salt. |
Anonymous
| I don’t have any personal experience with this, but my kids attend an UMC suburban public that competes with a large, popular Catholic high school nearby for enrollment. We did not consider private, but many of my kids’ friends moved there for high school. Many of the kids were given the choice (or the kid’s input was weighed heavily into the decision) by their parents. At the end of freshman year, everyone seems happy with their decision from what I hear. We also know several cases where one sibling has chosen public, the other private (including a set of twins) so a lot of families have taken kids’ individual preferences and needs into account. Maybe take your 7th grade for a tour, look closely at both schools and what they offer and share that info with him. Especially if he is interested in a particular sport or extracurricular or academic offering. |
Anonymous
Good advice here |
Anonymous
This is great advice! |
Anonymous
Agree. This may be one of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever read on DCUM. When I do this with my husband, I win 100% of the time. |