Angry at sibling for abdicating her role
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Anonymous
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I posted about this a while ago. My mother chose a CCRC near Sister 1 about 5 years ago. Three miles away from her. It was the best option available at the time. Apparently she put down $175k. Two+ years later she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.
Sister 2 and I each live at least 1.5 hours away. Well, S1 decided last fall to move 800 miles away for no apparent reason. They didn’t have jobs, the schools there are worse, etc. Nothing about it makes sense. It’s possible S1 was tired of taking care of mom, but she only ever asked us for help at the very last minute. We all have kids 13 & under, jobs, etc. so it was impossible to drop everything for a day trip just to run mom to a doctor appt unless we had notice well in advance. S1 moved in the last month and all hell broke loose. Mom fell, is in the nursing unit and now we have to move her again into assisted living. I spent 4 hours in the rain and horrible beltway traffic last weekend going up there. Everything about the trip was miserable. Oh and did I mention that when S1 told us she was moving, she essentially dropped everything having to do with mom? I am livid with my sister for just dumping this on us for no reason. It would have been easier to accept if she had even bothered to acknowledge what a massive burden she was dumping on us that is logistically a nightmare. Or if there had even been a job relocation. We have already looked into moving mom, but she can’t afford to move. Her deposit has fully amortized. So we (S2 and I) are screwed. Mom is confused often, and depressed. I probably had the most distant relationship with her of the three of us and I have little desire to visit more than once a quarter, though I do try to call every other week. AITA for wanting to b14ch out my sister? I am so angry. |
Anonymous
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Yes, YATA
Why would it be solely your sisters job to care for your mom? |
Anonymous
| Lol, yes, you are the …. |
Anonymous
| I am having a hard time empathizing with you. Aren't you mad at your sister for not doing what you don't feel like doing even though she's been doing it for years without you? You could move closer to your mom, or you could have helped more but you don't want to. Well, sounds like, neither does she. |
Anonymous
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I actually can’t move closer because of my DH’s job.
She could have asked for help or we could have hired it. |
Anonymous
| S1 recruited my mom to live there. I tried, but mom didn’t want to leave the state. |
Anonymous
+1 Your sister abdicated responsibility because the burden fell solely to her and you were happy with that arrangement. If she shared her plan you would have done anything to stop her. You should have prevented it by being more involved in the first place. |
Anonymous
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A 90 minute drive isn’t really that bad. A lot of people spend that much time commuting back and forth to work every day.
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Anonymous
Can't you hire help now? |
Anonymous
| Yes, YATA. You should have offered to hire help before this, but is that the plan now that the burden falls on you and your other sister? |
Anonymous
That’s fine if you have 3 hours to burn. It’s 90 min with no traffic. |
Anonymous
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hmm, I can see why your sister did what she did. We are doing the lion's share of the work with my aging MIL and while the sibling is helping, it's not to the same level at all.
I think you should give your sister some grace and it sounds like it's time for you two to step up. |
Anonymous
This, and I don't blame her for saying peace out. You are complaining about 1 four hour drive??? Do you know what she did for years??? You are 100% TA. |
Anonymous
| Lol wow . . . reread your post. YATA |
Anonymous
| My favorite part is how you say you are the most distant of the three and prefer to only see her quarterly but S1 should have been delighted being the sole caregiver. You are something else. |