Advice—Mother upset about MD plans due to limitations

[Anonymous]

My mother has some mobility and gastrointestinal issues that make outings difficult, and her condition changes by the day. Regarding Mother’s Day, I suggested a few things we could do/places we could eat on Sunday and she wasn’t enthused with any of them, so I suggested she things of things or places she would like to go and do, and I’d make it happen. And she completely lost it. Nobody cares about her. Nobody does anything special for her.

The thing is, it’s hard. Some days she can enjoy a walk through a park, others she can’t. One week she might enjoy a stroll through a greenhouse, others not. She can never sit down at a restaurant, but some days something relatively quick like Panera is fine. Some days she doesn’t leave the house. I know she’s upset about THIS and is projecting it on to me. I have no clue how to reply to her now in a sensitive way, but I don’t like being blamed. Any advice?

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you can't "make it happen". It may or may not happen, and she's constantly in this cycle of social isolation, embarrassment, and disappointment. And this was just one more example of that and it was too much for her, she lost her composure.

I would suggest you plan something to take place at her home.

[Anonymous]

Are you a mother yourself? Maybe take this year to regroup and focus on yourself and your family and then do something for her on a less emotionally charged day. It doesn’t sound like you have any way to “win” here.

[Anonymous]

Ugh, I feel you, OP. My mom has a lot of physical limitations but then she tries to make me feel guilty about not inviting her to things that require walking all day. I have no advice, just commiseration.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry OP! You probably can’t win—maybe you can bring a nice brunch and some flowers or similar to her and spend time talking with her. Maybe ask about her childhood and her parents/grandparents, what she thought being an adult would be like—let her reminisce and pass down the stories from her youth. That could be fun, especially if you record it or write it down. Brings some good bakery snacks or nice to go lunch (or make her favorite meal) and spend a couple of hours strolling down Memory Lane.