Carpool question

[Anonymous]

There’s another carpool question floating around today which prompted me to finally ask this:

For half the year I’ve been picking up one of DD kindergarten classmates on Fridays. Mom is a single mom, has two other preschool-aged kids at home, one a toddler, and they attend a co-op that isn’t open on Fridays, and Friday is the one day a week she has to work a half-day in the office, so their grandma watches them. The toddler sleeps late, so the mom asked me if I would be willing to grab her kid (my DDs friend) in the mornings and drop off with my DD. I guess waking the toddler to do the drop off was making the child crabby all morning and difficult for the grandma.

It was fine and I didn’t mind it. I had to go about ten minutes out of my way, but it was fine. Only recently, maybe since daylight saving, when the grandma walks the girl out to my car, the toddler is wide awake and on her hip! I get that this is probably easier still than loading up three kids into the car every morning, but still, I agreed because of the sleep situation. I’m going out of my way in the morning now for NO reason, or at least not for the agreed upon reason and I’m feeling more than a little resentful. The girl tends to kick the seats and somehow always leaves dirt or sand behind. For whatever reason it’s way more annoying now. Even though we have only three more Fridays left, I’d love my 10 minutes back in the morning!

Should I just let it go, or should I say something tomorrow?

[Anonymous]

Three more Fridays left. Let it go. You don't know their full situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Three more Fridays left. Let it go. You don't know their full situation.

Thanks. I know you’re right, but I’ve been feeling like a sucker every time I pull up and see the toddler. Everyone involved knows the reason I am there is supposed to be because toddler is sleeping. I feel like I’m being used now. It’s weird.

[Anonymous]

I would probably not bother at this point in the year but focus on not doing the same for next year. You have been really kind this year and definitely made life easier for them even if the baby is awake now in the am.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would probably not bother at this point in the year but focus on not doing the same for next year. You have been really kind this year and definitely made life easier for them even if the baby is awake now in the am.

Adding if I were that mom I would try to compensate you in some say as 10 minutes in the morning is hard...and just dealing with an extra kid. A gas card at the end of the year, taking you are for a lunch...something.

[Anonymous]

This woman is a single mom to 3 kids under the age of 6? Her reliance on people is only going to increase. Finish out the school year, but steer clear of her next year.

[Anonymous]

Let it go

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This woman is a single mom to 3 kids under the age of 6? Her reliance on people is only going to increase. Finish out the school year, but steer clear of her next year.

This. She doesn’t sound like she makes great decisions and is probably a taker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This woman is a single mom to 3 kids under the age of 6? Her reliance on people is only going to increase. Finish out the school year, but steer clear of her next year.

This. She doesn’t sound like she makes great decisions and is probably a taker.

But also, she’s a single mom to 3 kids and likely appreciates the extra help. 10 minutes once a week seems like a relatively easy way to help someone and be kind without expecting anything in return.

[Anonymous]

You have been very kind to help single mom of 3 in a bind.

If your DD likes this kid, I think that 10 minutes is such a small part of your week, like 0.09921% of your time, for just 3 more weeks.

[Anonymous]

It’s obvious the kid’s sleep pattern changed. I would just stick it out for the next three weeks but not do it again next year. Or maybe you and Grandma can alternate Fridays next year, if that something that would be helpful to you. But I would just finish out the three weeks and then let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Three more Fridays left. Let it go. You don't know their full situation.

Thanks. I know you’re right, but I’ve been feeling like a sucker every time I pull up and see the toddler. Everyone involved knows the reason I am there is supposed to be because toddler is sleeping. I feel like I’m being used now. It’s weird.

It totally makes sense that you feel that way, OP. But it's not clear what benefit you would derive by confronting them. It'll just lead to pain and awkwardness. Leave it be for this school year.

[Anonymous]

I would not change the arrangement for the next three weeks but I would or continue it next year.

[Anonymous]

Is there a reason neither child takes the bus?

[Anonymous]

I’d Probably finish the year out but not do it next year. You likely won’t regret helping a single mom out. I did something similar for a friend of my DD- mom was going through a difficult divorce and struggling. This was a few years ago but I’m glad I did. I will say that the mom would once in awhile invite DD over for the day or on a fun outing etc, so she tried to do her part to reciprocate which I appreciated