Content warning: loss… support?

[Anonymous]

A colleague recently lost her baby shortly after delivery. She’s on bereavement leave for the foreseeable future. Suggestions for how to show her and her partner support? Obviously currently respecting the need (and request) for privacy but when she’s ready….?


If you’re someone who consistently responds in the rudest of ways please spare me the BS and just move on to the next post. If I knew what to do I would….

[Anonymous]

When I was going through a loss 30+ years ago, a friend sent a dozen white lilies. I still remember how beautiful, peaceful and elegant they looked to this day. They were soothing reminders that there were ppl who cared about DH and I.

Everyone grieves in different ways and timelines. Letting them know you are there for them when they are ready to reach is the best way to show support. This is also not a time to say you understand. Unless you have gone through something similar, you simply cant remotely imagine that pain. You could, when they are ready, to visit and just to keep them company. Having someone to sit with can help to reduce the anxiety level and the feeling of loneliness.

[Anonymous]

I think flowers and a nice card are meaningful. Agree with the above poster on not saying that you understand. Focus on expressing your sympathies and that, when they’re ready, you’d love to know their baby’s name or anything they want to share with you about him or her (if you’re close).

[Anonymous]

A friend gave me a really beautiful potted flower plant and wrote a thoughtful card.

[Anonymous]

I've lost 6 pregnancies and still cannot fathom the pain of having a stillbirth. A good friend had two and lost her uterus. I'm still so mad at her doctors. I don't for a moment believe it was random as they told her. The stuffed animals that can be the weight of the baby seem very nice. Comfort food or junk food.

[Anonymous]

When it happened to me I really didn't want to talk about it with coworkers. I could handle a "sorry for your loss" or a card (either sent to my home or I'd save it for when I got home) but didn't want to risk not being able to concentrate at work. I needed the distraction of work.

[Anonymous]

Whether you send flowers etc, a thoughtful letter is definitely the way to go. They’ll be able to read your words when they’re ready and there is no pressure to respond (like with a text, email, phone call).

[Anonymous]

That is very kind of you. I had a similar situation & 3 of my closest coworkers sent me a flower arrangement. It was very sweet & much appreciated.

[Anonymous]

A friend of mine went through this and every year she hosts a toy donation to a children’s hospital in her late daughter’s name. Recognizing her baby’s name and that he/she was here and mattered I think is important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A friend of mine went through this and every year she hosts a toy donation to a children’s hospital in her late daughter’s name. Recognizing her baby’s name and that he/she was here and mattered I think is important.

Stillbirth mom here - this is lovely. The parents love hearing people say their baby's name and recognizing that they are parents. I also recommend checking in occasionally - holidays, etc. are all very hard. The first year in particular is awful as you basically relive the pregnancy, particularly if your phone continues to send you reminders that last year at this time you had your first ultrasound.

RTZ Hope also has great resources: https://rtzhope.org/family

[Anonymous]

Thank you for so many kind responses. I will send flowers via my boss and a card.

I learned today some of her extended family does not yet know. The heartbreak over and over has to be so painful.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry to hear about your friend. If she’s in the DC area, or even if not, since this group meets virtually, she can reach out to DC PLIDS. The website Glow in the Woods is quiet these days but has a page on how to help a friend through baby loss. You sound like a nice person OP. For me, when my baby died, I most appreciated the people who just were there for me and weren’t uncomfortable with my sadness and grief.

[Anonymous]

Flowers or a gift card for food delivery.

[Anonymous]

I would include her husband in the card. I think many people forget that the father lost his baby too- a nicely written card will be meaningful to them I think.