Boyfriend is unhealthy

[Anonymous]

I have a loving relationship with my boyfriend who is a decade older than me. We will not be having kids. He’s awesome except he does not take care of his health. He’s 47 and falling apart. He eats terribly and doesn’t exercise. He also moves really slow for his age.

I’m concerned it could impact our relationship down the line. Would you bring this topic up? I don’t want to hurt his feelings? I also don’t want to go back out on the dating market. I really love our relationship outside of this.

[Anonymous]

Encourage him to be healthy with you. Have a thing where you’re both accountable to each other and reward it with some junk food or something once a week.

Tell him you want him to be part of your fitness goals, include him and in turn you will do something he likes….maybe he golfs…plays video games…watches sports…or whatever.

If you show him you’re into his stuff he may jump on the wagon with you

[Anonymous]

Gift him an executive annual health check up and a personal trainer for a year and see the change. If you can't afford thar then start taking him out on walks, picnics and hikes, may be find few active couple friends to do activities with.

[Anonymous]

If you love him so much, you need to accept him as he is and expect that he won’t change. If you cannot accept his unhealthy lifestyle, you should end it.

[Anonymous]

It's not completely impossible that he'll pull himself together. Maybe hitting 50 will do it.

In the meantime, are there things you could do together that would boost his health? Could be as simple as daily walks. Take up an activity that gets him moving - pickleball?

[Anonymous]

Why expect him to change?

[Anonymous]

What do you mean by falling apart?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why expect him to change?

I don’t have an expectation that he changed. I just figured since we are both happy otherwise, it would make sense to talk about it if it was developing into a dealbreaker. I would like to at least offer a way to address it before it breaks us. Ultimately he’s an adult so it’s up to him whether he will take better care of himself.

[Anonymous]

*an expectation that he changes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean by falling apart?

He’s developed high blood pressure, high cholesterol, can’t do as much as he should be able to physically. For instance he’s super out of shape so can’t walk very far or do strenuous activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean by falling apart?

He’s developed high blood pressure, high cholesterol, can’t do as much as he should be able to physically. For instance he’s super out of shape so can’t walk very far or do strenuous activities.

All you can do is tell him you'll support him if he wants to make a change. You can't make him. He knows how he feels and how much it bothers him, or not. You're not married so if it's a deal-breaker then he might be fine with breaking up. Don't be so sure you won't have issues in ten years yourself.

[Anonymous]

He won’t change. Get out now.

[Anonymous]

Why did you start dating someone you are disgusted with?

Changing a man rarely works, you're old enough to know that.

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately you will likely end up as his caretaker if you don't change the situation. What about taking up some more active activities together

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately you will likely end up as his caretaker if you don't change the situation. What about taking up some more active activities together

Op can only change the situation by changing herself / approach including being honest with herself about the relationship

Hasn't this affected your physical intimacy? Is that important to you?