Personally dropping kid off at college freshman year?
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Anonymous
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Are many people sending their kid off to college from an airport? (As opposed to personally accompanying their kid all the way to the school itself.) I'm on the fence, but leaning in that direction.
My kid is going to a school that's 2,000+ miles away from home. If money were no object, I'd love to accompany him, check out the school, and generally participate in the time-honored tradition of moving him into his dorm. But, sadly, money is a concern. Even on the cheap, it'd probably cost $1,000+ for a flight and a couple nights in a hotel. (My spouse would either stay at home or go in my stead.) |
Anonymous
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That's one of the downsides of your kid going to school so far away. I told my kid to keep the travel to/from, including parents, budget in mind when applying.
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Anonymous
| Mine was a plane ride away and yes I did go. I helped him move in and there was also some parent orientations that were surprisingly useful. Look into family discounts for local hotels. My dcs college has partnerships with hotels in the area. |
Anonymous
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Ask your kid for input. That's the best judge.
If there are any moving-in concerns, look together for local services that can help overcome them. The goodbye will happen somewhere, no matter where. |
Anonymous
| i do believe that most freshman have at least one parent at move in to help get them settled. Parent can help run to target, etc and get any last minute items. If its a flight away, it is more likely to just be one parent and thenthe other parent (if there are two) might come for parents weekend or at a different time. It sounds like OP is planning that either they or their spouse plans to go and having only one parent there is perfectly reasonable. |
Anonymous
Where is the college and when does he move in? I bet I can find a flight and two nights in a hotel for cheaper than $1000. |
Anonymous
| I think it's really important for at least one parent to accompany the student at move in if you can swing the cost. For most students, this is their first time living on their own and it would be nice for at least one parent to make sure they are settled in properly. Also, all the other students' parents will be there and they might feel left out if you are not there. |
Anonymous
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Plane ride here, 3 of us flew up, spent the night in a hotel, moved in the next day, ran some errands for last minute items, took them out for breakfast the next morning and then spouse and I flew home.
Yes, it may cost an extra $2k, but they can fly home solo for Thanksgiving, winter break and spring break. If they can store items over the summer, then fly home solo, otherwise, at least one parent picks them up. Thus is a huge transition - at least freshman year, go and drop them off. After that you can discuss, but for this one, mark the occasion and go and drop them off |
Anonymous
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I think a parent should go, make the bed, help out, do the Target run, if possible. It’s a right of passage. And as a parent, helping my kid settle in a bit. Then again, I sent my first kid to college— in person classes at a SLAC, in fall 2020. 2 hours, timed. With a strict move in window. All single rooms. 2 people could help. And Target and grocery runs done later had to be left at the door. Text your kid to come down and get them after you leave. It was an awful start to college. I felt so bad driving away, not knowing if we would have to come back the next week.
The more relaxed meet the roommate, take the kid to Target with you, get at least a decent start on dorm room set up was so much nicer. Just a more positive start to college. If you can send a parent to support your kid, send a parent. Because most kids will have parents there. No reason you can’t take a 6 am flight out, schedule move in for early afternoon, get them settled and spend just one night. Or even take a red eye back. But, at least one parent should be there for your kid, if you can. And don’t put them in the position of having to say they want it, if they know finances for college are tight. They know you want them to say no, they have it. Don’t make them feel guilty for asking for support. After freshman year is different. But the first time, show up. |
Anonymous
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Two of my kids go to school on the opposite coast. One of the things we talked about before they decided to go was how often they'd come home and how often we'd visit. Figure that out now so you and the student can mentally prepare.
ExDH and I both went to help them get set up. |
Anonymous
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I moved myself into the dorms (in the 90s). I was fine with the idea - my single mom worked hourly and it would have been a stretch financially for her to come (state school, 4 hours away, I drove myself).
However, the hurtful comments from my RA and the other parents were something else! They thought my family didn’t love me! My roommates parents said, “what, does your mom expect us to take care of you?” It was horrible. So, take that into account. 
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Anonymous
| This is a personal decision and all kids are different. Go with your gut and don’t be guilted. |
Anonymous
| OP, yes you or your husband should go. If you guys can't afford travel once in a while he shouldn't have settled in a school so far away. Moving your kid into the dorm is a time honored tradition. You can do it on the cheap and cut expenses for a few months. |
Anonymous
Ugh, I'm so sorry - my mom would have pulled me into the hall to ask if I wanted her to invite you to lunch with us or something. She'd have sent you stuff in the care packages for me. |
Anonymous
| In the late 90s, my parents put me on a transatlantic flight by myself (not my first time alone of course)…and the international student club picked me up on the other side…I did go back for the Christmas break, took a bus down to DC to see family friends at Thanksgiving. It was fine. If $ is an issue, put them on the plane and done. |