Tired of spending money on DD who puts in minimal effort.

[Anonymous]

DD is currently a sophomore. She’s taking 3 AP classes. She has all As. However, she does not work very hard.

I’ve paid $300 for her to take AP tests. Her tests are in the next couple of weeks and she’s not studying.

I paid $500 for her to take piano lessons. She was planning to audition for a piano camp this summer. Now she can no longer audition for the camp because she is traveling abroad with her French class that week. So she completely stopped practicing piano.

I am annoyed and want to stop paying for my child who puts on minimal effort. Tonight I told DH I don’t want to help pay for her college because she doesn’t study. Am I out of line??

I try to get her to study at home but it becomes a huge ugly battle. She doesn’t want me involved in her academics at all.

[Anonymous]

If I had all As I'd also be annoyed by my parents telling me to study. Did she do any practice tests? That would be the only thing I would insist on to calibrate

[Anonymous]

OP here and I believe that school is about more than all A’s. It’s about learning the material. Also, I do not think she’s going to do well in the AP tests. Why did I pay for those?

[Anonymous]

Obviously your nagging isn’t working (I say this with sympathy as someone who has nagging tendencies that are equally ineffective). If it’s really the wasted money that’s bugging you then tell her that she can study or not but if she doesn’t at least pass the AP tests she needs to reimburse the fees.

[Anonymous]

If she's getting A's I don't think you should worry so much about her not studying. I also think France will be a more memorable life experience than piano camp. She can do piano later.

[Anonymous]

Yes, you are very out of line.

[Anonymous]

You honestly sound unhinged.

[Anonymous]

She sounds like a smart person with a good head on her shoulders who manages resources well. She does enough studying to get an A and doesn't kill herself unnecessarily. She prioritizes the French educational experience and does not prioritize preparing for a piano audition that conflicts. Good work life balance and not doing stuff just for the sake of doing "stuff."

[Anonymous]

Is this a humble brag? Leave her alone.

[Anonymous]

Troll and worse it’s boring

[Anonymous]

She has all As. WTH do you want her to do, study for the hell of it?

You see her as unambitious. Even though she is achieving & doing well.

You don’t have to pay for college - plenty of parents don’t, & can’t.

The outcome will be that she may not achieve as much as she would otherwise, because she has financial responsibilities to work rather than do internships, etc. She may not pursue further education because she’s already financing her undergrad degree. She may also choose a lesser relationship with you, because you had the means but did not want to support her goal of getting an education.

It’s all fine, nobody’s likely to die or anything, just laying out the scenarios. You have every right to do what you want, & they have every right to do what they want.

In the words of every manipulative parent everywhere - if you give up helping them, you have zero leverage. You are out of their sphere of influence. For some, that is freeing. For others, not so much. If you are just threatening this to regain some influence, good luck.

[Anonymous]

Has your DD taken practice AP tests yet? They are free online.

Obviously she needs to do that so you know if she is ready for the exams, before you complain that she's not studying enough.

[Anonymous]

Tell her she can go to place ano camp next summer if she practices for it. Tell her you love listening to her play pianom

[Anonymous]

You need to calm down and back off.

[Anonymous]

Are you hard up for money OP? Not American? This all sounds very strange to me. Until she does poorly on an AP test, how do you know that she doesn’t know the material? Maybe she’s just smart? It also sounds like she doesn’t like playing the piano and did it to please you.

And of course I’d still pay for college for my straight A student who barely needs much studying. Not even a question!