Prevalence of Bad Vasectomies?

[Anonymous]

A couple years ago, I decided to stop taking birth control pills.... was just not comfortable with increased risks, side effects, and such. DH agreed in principle to get a vasectomy. He did a bunch of research and had consultations with two different urologists. At the end of the day, DH changed his mind after reading horror stories about some vasectomies resulting in lifelong chronic pain for a small percentage of patients. He has always been a bit superstitious and considers himself to be unlucky with medical procedures. So the last couple years, we've relied on condoms and are only intimate a couple times a month generally right after my period -- I've had multiple C-sections and can't risk getting pregnant again. I'm honestly kind of frustrated with DH for going back on our plan which has resulted in this situation. Can anyone weigh in on whether his fears are totally irrational, or AITA?

[Anonymous]

He's right and wrong. In general it's unwise to do surgeries you don't really need, because you don't want to be in that tiny percentage of patients who have bad outcomes. I mean, there are people out there who get face lifts, breast implants, etc, and a tiny percentage of them die on the operating table, or have lifelong issues with botched surgery. Talk about frivolous!

Vasectomies are particularly fraught when they're weighed against pregnancy risks or pill use for medically-fragile women, or women in states with very restrictive abortion laws. How much is his safety worth compared to yours?
Is a condom really that bad? Are there other forms of contraception you can both tolerate? Are you really that fertile?

So it depends on your risk tolerance and lifestyle preferences, basically.

[Anonymous]

Have you tried an IUD?

[Anonymous]

I'm 48 and have probably heard of at least two dozen men getting vasectomies. I know of exactly one guy who had complications. I don't recall what exactly they were or how it was resolved though.

[Anonymous]

Yes, tried an IUD as well as a matchstick implant in my arm. Hated both and got rid of them. DH's skin also breaks out with prolonged exposure to latex, so he has to use lambskin condoms which don't stretch as much.

I wish there was a good urologist in the area who has a 100% track record of no bad vasectomies. I don't think DH was impressed by what the two urologists told him.

[Anonymous]

He's selfish

[Anonymous]

Remind him that a vasectomy is lower risk than each of your multiple c sections and that he is being a selfish prick.

[Anonymous]

Given that even a great pregnancy and birth have life long consequences for the mother, i can’t support a man who won’t take the much smaller risk of minor complications to take on the responsibility of birth control in the relationship

[Anonymous]

What a baby. He is fine with you trying multiple types of birth control implanted into your body despite complications and side effects, but he isn’t willing to do anything himself?

[Anonymous]

I used Chesapeake Urology in Bethesda. Both the doctor who did my vasectomy and the one I've visited for check-ups were competent and had the right humor level for this kind of work. No complications.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 48 and have probably heard of at least two dozen men getting vasectomies. I know of exactly one guy who had complications. I don't recall what exactly they were or how it was resolved though.

Same. The one guy I know who had a complication, he didn’t get it checked and they ended up with a third kid.

[Anonymous]

He's being ridiculous. It's a 10 minute procedure that doesn't even require general anesthesia. Just a local and propofol. I work with a DC-famous team of urologists in their procedural area.

Now, a vasectomy _reversal_ is a different matter, and the surgery can run into the 2-hour mark and does require general. It often doesn't work well to 'put it back together.'

Is your spouse worried that he'll want to make children with a different partner someday? Because that's the situation in 100% of the reversals I've worked. Guy remarries a younger woman without kids and she wants to attempt pregnancy.

[Anonymous]

I get his concerns. That being said, when doing research about things, people who had things go wrong tend to be much more vocal than people who had things go right. DH had a vasectomy years ago with zero issues. We have a ton of friends who have had them and none have had complications.

I would be annoyed in your shoes. That being said, it is kind of a tough situation. Is he complaining about the use of condoms or the frequency of sex? If he's not, then it is kind of one of those "his body, his choice" things.

[Anonymous]

Ask him why he refuses to have this simple 10min procedure that probably feels equivalent to getting a tooth filling and takes less time, but is fine with the possibility of you getting pregnant and enduring a 9 month pregnancy and major abdominal surgery for a repeat c section

[Anonymous]

Kindly remind him that the risk of you dying from multiple c sections is like 100x higher than his bs fear. Seriously, he's an a$$. I'd just stop having sex and say no more until.you get the procedure.

I'd also wonder if he's hedging his bets to have more kids with a younger woman when he leaves you.