Friendships and reaching out

[Anonymous]

Let's say you were very very close friends with someone for many years, then you both move, keep in touch frequently. After a few years of the friend never reaching out, never even remembering your birthday or wishing it even on Facebook (yes, they are on facebook), do you just stop reaching out yourself?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let's say you were very very close friends with someone for many years, then you both move, keep in touch frequently. After a few years of the friend never reaching out, never even remembering your birthday or wishing it even on Facebook (yes, they are on facebook), do you just stop reaching out yourself?

Yes, there is usually a point where the friendship dies slowly or in an epic fashion. I always take it hard and want closure but people nowadays usually ghost.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let's say you were very very close friends with someone for many years, then you both move, keep in touch frequently. After a few years of the friend never reaching out, never even remembering your birthday or wishing it even on Facebook (yes, they are on facebook), do you just stop reaching out yourself?

Yes, there is usually a point where the friendship dies slowly or in an epic fashion. I always take it hard and want closure but people nowadays usually ghost.

+1

[Anonymous]

OP, what's the amount of effort you could put in without being resentful - when that effort is not reciprocated? What is it? Know it. Know it do only that. It's different for different people.

[Anonymous]

I'd reach out a few time before giving up but that's me.

[Anonymous]

I’ve been trying to figure out why my best friend ghosted me. I still send birthday and Christmas cards (stopped sending gifts after a while). Crickets.

They aren’t on social media at all, but I know they can see my social media (their relative is friends with me on FB and I know they have access to their account).

I figure I’ll just keep sending the cards just in case they come around. At least I’m not the one who went dark.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been trying to figure out why my best friend ghosted me. I still send birthday and Christmas cards (stopped sending gifts after a while). Crickets.

They aren’t on social media at all, but I know they can see my social media (their relative is friends with me on FB and I know they have access to their account).

I figure I’ll just keep sending the cards just in case they come around. At least I’m not the one who went dark.

Why not write them a heartfelt letter and ask them?

[Anonymous]

For sure stop. This happened to me. Don’t be a loser who begs for a friendship.

[Anonymous]

I assume they’ve gotten busy and don’t do well with long distance communication. I would stop communicating beyond something once a year (birthday message on fbook or Christmas cards) and maybe send them a text or email if I’ll be in the area. I’ve had people go dark on me then be thrilled to catch up over dinner while I happen to be in town.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been trying to figure out why my best friend ghosted me. I still send birthday and Christmas cards (stopped sending gifts after a while). Crickets.

They aren’t on social media at all, but I know they can see my social media (their relative is friends with me on FB and I know they have access to their account).

I figure I’ll just keep sending the cards just in case they come around. At least I’m not the one who went dark.

Why not write them a heartfelt letter and ask them?

I have said as much in the first few cards. Now I just say something along the lines of “I miss you and would really love to catch up.”

My cell phone died and they couldn’t retrieve my contacts, so I don’t have her cell phone # anymore. I’ve mentioned that in the various cards.

[Anonymous]

The only way I could think of to revive this is to tell her you'll be in town on X dates and you want to get together. If she blows you off then it's over. Long-distance friendships are hard!
I also had a good friend disappear on me and it hurt. Then I ran into her randomly and it turned out she'd had some tragedy in her life and it wasn't about me at all. We ended up rekindling the friendship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been trying to figure out why my best friend ghosted me. I still send birthday and Christmas cards (stopped sending gifts after a while). Crickets.

They aren’t on social media at all, but I know they can see my social media (their relative is friends with me on FB and I know they have access to their account).

I figure I’ll just keep sending the cards just in case they come around. At least I’m not the one who went dark.

Why not write them a heartfelt letter and ask them?

I have said as much in the first few cards. Now I just say something along the lines of “I miss you and would really love to catch up.”

My cell phone died and they couldn’t retrieve my contacts, so I don’t have her cell phone # anymore. I’ve mentioned that in the various cards.

You need to stop trying to establish contact. She obviously is done.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I stopped reaching out. Our friendship was not a priority for her, why would it be for me then?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only way I could think of to revive this is to tell her you'll be in town on X dates and you want to get together. If she blows you off then it's over. Long-distance friendships are hard!
I also had a good friend disappear on me and it hurt. Then I ran into her randomly and it turned out she'd had some tragedy in her life and it wasn't about me at all. We ended up rekindling the friendship.

+1 Try to make plans to meet up. I had a very very close friend move away about 7 years ago and we’ve managed to keep up with random texts, birthday cards, etc. But we got to see each other in person recently and it was great. Maintaining friendships at this stage in life really does take a lot of effort from both parties. FB doesn’t cut it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let's say you were very very close friends with someone for many years, then you both move, keep in touch frequently. After a few years of the friend never reaching out, never even remembering your birthday or wishing it even on Facebook (yes, they are on facebook), do you just stop reaching out yourself?

Yes, there is usually a point where the friendship dies slowly or in an epic fashion. I always take it hard and want closure but people nowadays usually ghost.

Same.

I was ghosted by friends during a mental breakdown and we barely speak now.