Frustrated - not willing to pull the trigger

[Anonymous]

DH and I have been in our one and only house for a decade. We bought outside of our comfort zone thankfully and have had enough room to have kids in our current house. The problem is we want different things now that we are 40 instead of 30. We continually look at new houses up for sale and every time we find something we like DH refuses to actually follow through. He keeps saying it will be too much work to get a new mortgage, get our current house ready to sell and then move into a new house. We wouldn't even be moving that far so we wouldn't need to get new schools or doctors or anything for our kids.

I get frustrated because what is the point of looking at these houses if we are never going to actually do it? Are we destined to stay in our first house forever?

[Anonymous]

Why is he making excuses? Is it really because of those issues or related to something else?

[Anonymous]

He doesn’t think it’s worth the hassle and it’s understandable.
He is looking to make you silent.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like he doesn’t want to move. Interest rates are really high and you have enough space and live in the general area you like, so what’s the point? We bought one house and have lives in it since age 30 and will be here until we need to go to go into a nursing home or whatever. Just because you prefer something different, doesn’t mean it makes sense. It’s not like upgrading a car, moving is a massive ordeal!

But he should be upfront and just say he doesn’t want to move instead of going to a bunch of open houses.

[Anonymous]

Why do you want to move?

[Anonymous]

OP if your current house works why do you want to move?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you want to move?

OP - I want a bigger lot and I want something that is already done. Our house is piece meal. We have been doing upgrades for the past decade. Still need to do a number of things. I would prefer to just move and be done. Also the places we are looking at have larger lots with no neighbors right on top of each other. No neighbors to the back as well, which would be ideal since I don't want to live the rest of my life seeing my backyard neighbor in her bathrobe smoking every morning.

[Anonymous]

He is looking to shut you up. You need to have a come to Jesus talk with him to find out if/when this is something he can actually get on board with.

[Anonymous]

OP - I think he is also nervous about finances. He is the main breadwinner and the thought of outlaying a bunch of money to move and have a slightly higher mortgage makes him nervous. He likes the houses we look at but then nitpicks all of the things that are wrong with them and that would need to be done, even if its something simple like painting.

[Anonymous]

I found the initial process of buying a house super unpleasant (back in 2005), so have no interest in doing it again just to remain in the same neighborhood.

Just seems like a lot of time, effort and pain for really just a slight change of scenery.

We are almost empty-nesters, so will have no problem pulling the trigger to up and move somewhere completely different.

That said, spouse and I are generally on the same page so we don't torture each other by looking at local RE.

[Anonymous]

Stop looking. It’s just making you crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop looking. It’s just making you crazy.

OP - yes I think that is what I will have to do. We won't move out of the neighborhood because we love it and our kids are young so they are in school. But there are a few areas when houses pop up that we tend to keep our eye on. At this point I feel like maybe we should just "save" our money and do the major renos to our house and be done with it.

[Anonymous]

I mean if there is no need to move you're kind of insane given mortgage rates????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean if there is no need to move you're kind of insane given mortgage rates????

OP - yea thats another thing to consider. We have a under 3% interest rate right now. It would be nuts even for the right house to move right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you want to move?

OP - I want a bigger lot and I want something that is already done. Our house is piece meal. We have been doing upgrades for the past decade. Still need to do a number of things. I would prefer to just move and be done. Also the places we are looking at have larger lots with no neighbors right on top of each other. No neighbors to the back as well, which would be ideal since I don't want to live the rest of my life seeing my backyard neighbor in her bathrobe smoking every morning.

You want to move. He doesn't. You need to communicate. Can you get quotes from movers or make a visual plan so he knows what will happen? Listen to why he doesn't want to move/ why he is standing still. Some people do that because they just don't know where to start whereas others do it because they don't want to do the thing (in this case move).

What is the difference with a new mortgage? How is your retirement/college savings? Rates are really high.

I also would like to move because it would be nice to have a bit more space (no dice with a 2% mortgage), but love my lot. EXCEPT one neighbor is very close. One of their rooms (an addition) almost towers over our backyard. So we paid a good chunk of change to have already tall trees block their house.