Sneaky 15 year old

[Anonymous]

My teen is incredibly sneaky. At night, when it’s time for bed, I’ll take her phone and computer (per her doctor’s advice), but she will find a way to creep into my bedroom at 1 in the morning and steal them. She also sneaks cash from my wallet and will eat everything she can find, even if it’s for someone else or if I’m saving it.

I’ve discussed this with her and she has apologized but hasn’t changed her ways at all. It’s getting exhausting trying to keep her in check.

Tips?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My teen is incredibly sneaky. At night, when it’s time for bed, I’ll take her phone and computer (per her doctor’s advice), but she will find a way to creep into my bedroom at 1 in the morning and steal them. She also sneaks cash from my wallet and will eat everything she can find, even if it’s for someone else or if I’m saving it.

I’ve discussed this with her and she has apologized but hasn’t changed her ways at all. It’s getting exhausting trying to keep her in check.

Tips?

I'd lock or hide the devices, and/or have consequences for these transgressions - sneak the phone or computer for one night? Loose is for the next 2 complete days or 3 days, or 4 days increase it until it stops.

Does she get an allowance or have the ability to earn money?

The food issue is not something to punish, to be honest, unless it's a persistent feeding on junk/sugar in which case, you are buying it so you need to change your buying habits and what you have available in the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My teen is incredibly sneaky. At night, when it’s time for bed, I’ll take her phone and computer (per her doctor’s advice), but she will find a way to creep into my bedroom at 1 in the morning and steal them. She also sneaks cash from my wallet and will eat everything she can find, even if it’s for someone else or if I’m saving it.

I’ve discussed this with her and she has apologized but hasn’t changed her ways at all. It’s getting exhausting trying to keep her in check.

Tips?

I'd lock or hide the devices, and/or have consequences for these transgressions - sneak the phone or computer for one night? Loose is for the next 2 complete days or 3 days, or 4 days increase it until it stops.

Does she get an allowance or have the ability to earn money?

The food issue is not something to punish, to be honest, unless it's a persistent feeding on junk/sugar in which case, you are buying it so you need to change your buying habits and what you have available in the house.

OP here. Thanks for the reply. She has plenty of money and I’ve always said that if she needs to buy something, I’ll always give her money (within reason, of course). We both lock and hide the devices, but she manages to figure out the passwords and find them. If it weren’t such a problem, I’d be impressed. 😅

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My teen is incredibly sneaky. At night, when it’s time for bed, I’ll take her phone and computer (per her doctor’s advice), but she will find a way to creep into my bedroom at 1 in the morning and steal them. She also sneaks cash from my wallet and will eat everything she can find, even if it’s for someone else or if I’m saving it.

I’ve discussed this with her and she has apologized but hasn’t changed her ways at all. It’s getting exhausting trying to keep her in check.

Tips?

This seems like a bigger issue. How do the conversations go, exactly?

Agree with PP; I'd lock up the phone and computer. What consequences do you give? Are you solo-parenting? If not, what does your significant other do/say? Does she return the cash to you she's stolen? Does she have ways to earn her own money? She's eating everything - are her meals enough to satisfy her? Is she sneaking and eating junk?

[Anonymous]

Hide the devices, and/or set your wifi to turn off (I used to do this on the Comcast app).

Wallet -- hide it.

Eating everything she can find -- more details? I assume she's not cooking herself a meal, so is it snacks or other convenience food? And what do you mean by you're saving it or it's for someone else, what's an example of that?

[Anonymous]

If she sneaks the electronics they need to go away for a week. Ask a friend or neighbor if necessary. Tell her tonight this is starting from now then implement it.
Food I don’t think I’d worry about.

Not sure what I would do about stealing money. What have you tried so far as far as consequences?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a personality disorder. Has she seen a psychiatrist?

[Anonymous]

This is a bigger issue than just the stealing and sneaking. Your DC needs therapy.

[Anonymous]

Why are you starving her? Sounds like you've already given her an eating disorder.

[Anonymous]

Punish her each time. Simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hide the devices, and/or set your wifi to turn off (I used to do this on the Comcast app).

Wallet -- hide it.

Eating everything she can find -- more details? I assume she's not cooking herself a meal, so is it snacks or other convenience food? And what do you mean by you're saving it or it's for someone else, what's an example of that?

I hide everything, but she will spend hours finding it. She eats way too much already, at least 5 large meals every day, plus snacks etc. For example, if I save a box of expensive chocolates for a party, she will eat them all in one sitting.

[Anonymous]

OP this is extreme behavior but in the realm of normal for ADHD, which impacts impulse control. Is she being treated for this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a personality disorder. Has she seen a psychiatrist?

Interesting. How come? She’s in therapy for another reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a personality disorder. Has she seen a psychiatrist?

Interesting. How come? She’s in therapy for another reason.

dp.. have you talked to the therapist about this?

She does sound like she has some kind of personality issue. Kids sneak stuff all the time, but stealing even when you say you will buy her stuff and sneaky eating sounds like she has some impulse control issues.

[Anonymous]

Don’t you have parent controls and screentime on her device? I can access my teens phone thru mine and can see what I need to.

Sounds like she might be sneaking out too. Ring cams and life 360.

But obv punishing and some therapy. The money is prob for drugs or vaping