S/O of the growing old and how to care topics

[Anonymous]

How do the elderly who have no one navigate aging?

Maybe you never married or spouse predeceases. No siblings or children. No extended family near or that is involved. How do these folks navigate health problems, getting to dr. appts., living alone?? What about horrible conditions (ALS, Alzheimers, etc.) and how does that even happen alone?

We all need someone to "find the body" so to speak.

This is partly hypothetical but not really. I've seen it play out recently with one person (who ended up finding an extended family member to assist in a move to AL). Another neighbor is sort of living this now, too (but luckily still pretty spry in their late 80s or nearing 90 but living alone). And more and more people are not marrying and/or deciding not to have children. We don't have large families on either side and so that is at the back of my mind, too. And what if my DC never marries or has kids?

How does this process work for those people? This is a serious question.

[Anonymous]

Social services such as the Area Agency on Aging, Meals on Wheels, etc.

[Anonymous]

My spouse and I did not have kids. We are early 50s and starting to plan and think. Some combination of moving into a facility that wills see us through all the stages. And I don't talk about it openly, but I am very open to the idea of assisted suicide at a certain point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My spouse and I did not have kids. We are early 50s and starting to plan and think. Some combination of moving into a facility that wills see us through all the stages. And I don't talk about it openly, but I am very open to the idea of assisted suicide at a certain point.

I was an only child and my DH is the last remaining of his family. We are hoping to hire an attorney to oversee and a live-in caretaker, plus hire a caregiving firm. There are no continuous care facilities in our area. But we literally just started thinking about this after taking care of my father through end-of-lfe, which was heinous.

[Anonymous]

This was my lamentation and complaint while my elderly mother lived in a CCRC. Learned there are services for everything: sitters/aides (night only, 24/7, companionship)
med reminders and help, transportation, housekeeping, maintenance, even moving, packing and decorating.

Larger communities will have all of the above and more.

Save your money because it’s expensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This was my lamentation and complaint while my elderly mother lived in a CCRC. Learned there are services for everything: sitters/aides (night only, 24/7, companionship)
med reminders and help, transportation, housekeeping, maintenance, even moving, packing and decorating.

Larger communities will have all of the above and more.

Save your money because it’s expensive.

An elderly person living alone, and with dementia, will not be able to navigate any of that.

[Anonymous]

I have two female friends in their late 50s that never married or had kids. Each of them has a brother that I doubt will be super helpful given distance and circumstances. That said, they both have a large network of friends and are deeply involved in church. My best guess is that a network of friends, including folks that are younger from church, will help them at some level. But they really need to get themselves established in an appropriate living situation earlier than others. We shall see what happens.

[Anonymous]

I took care of my elderly aunt with whom I was never close. Found her an AL community, then moved her to AL with dementia community. Paid her bills, bought her clothing, visited from time to time. Then I closed out her estate when she died. It was brutal. I paid myself and treated it like a second job, which it was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I took care of my elderly aunt with whom I was never close. Found her an AL community, then moved her to AL with dementia community. Paid her bills, bought her clothing, visited from time to time. Then I closed out her estate when she died. It was brutal. I paid myself and treated it like a second job, which it was.

I would be thankful for this. My DH and I have significant wealth. I would love to have someone who would take on the responsibility and pay them, then leave them our estate. My worry is finding someone who is responsible and trustworthy.

[Anonymous]

All of the examples above, however, have people to assist. Even from a distance or with reluctance.

The OP concerns people who have no one, literally. I'm not sure the answer other than 1) have money and 2) make plans in advance. But sometimes neither of these things happen (e.g., sudden stroke or health issue, you have no money).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All of the examples above, however, have people to assist. Even from a distance or with reluctance.

The OP concerns people who have no one, literally. I'm not sure the answer other than 1) have money and 2) make plans in advance. But sometimes neither of these things happen (e.g., sudden stroke or health issue, you have no money).

I think in this case the person is assigned a guardian by the state and whatever assets there are are depleted until Medicaid kicks in and the person is put in a Medicaid home. A scary prospect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This was my lamentation and complaint while my elderly mother lived in a CCRC. Learned there are services for everything: sitters/aides (night only, 24/7, companionship)
med reminders and help, transportation, housekeeping, maintenance, even moving, packing and decorating.

Larger communities will have all of the above and more.

Save your money because it’s expensive.

An elderly person living alone, and with dementia, will not be able to navigate any of that.

^ and was the PP suggesting that it was cheaper to cobble together help over the cost at CCRC? The time and effort to interview, organize and maintain this kind of ad hoc care giving is not of the faint of heart.

In terms of elderly folks in our family that lived alone, one passed away at home - luckily he had a friend that stopped by daily and he called the police for a well-fair check. My grandmother lived alone with her can opener and the kindness of strangers until finally moving into a facility when she was in her mid-90s. She had kids and both of them were unable to help. It can be hard to find help in small rural locations, you rely on good neighbors some senior services but its not great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of the examples above, however, have people to assist. Even from a distance or with reluctance.

The OP concerns people who have no one, literally. I'm not sure the answer other than 1) have money and 2) make plans in advance. But sometimes neither of these things happen (e.g., sudden stroke or health issue, you have no money).

I think in this case the person is assigned a guardian by the state and whatever assets there are are depleted until Medicaid kicks in and the person is put in a Medicaid home. A scary prospect.

Yes, and if they are still living in their home, the state will sell the home to cover the costs for legal etc. My family members have been terrible about putting plans in place, just letting things happen as they happen and making it pretty stressful for those that step in to help.

[Anonymous]

As a premed student, I went on a ride-along with the local fire paramedics. One stop was to check in an elderly person that had died sometime in the last few days and the landlord had noticed their mail piling up. They were lying in their bed.

[Anonymous]

I had a older cousin who was more like an uncle. He and his wife were unable to have children. Unknown to us, he developed cancer and was wheelchair-bound. His wife developed dementia while caring for him. He died of malnutrition and cancer. She ended up dying in the hospital of pneumonia. After they died, the cousins (not my family) fought over the estate.