Couples gathering, am I overthinking this

[Anonymous]

I was invited to a gathering with couples from my child’s sports team. I’m a single parent and I’m considering declining because I don’t want to be a 9th wheel. As far as I know, they’re not aware that I’m a single parent, but I don’t want it to mention it out of fear my kid and I will be judged. It happened with a previous team. I’m not sure what I should do. Am I overthinking this?

[Anonymous]

Totally overthinking this. These events are not "coupley" at all. There will very likely be families where only one parent is attending. The couples won't be attached at the hip either. No one cares that you're a single parent.

It sounds like you're super self conscious about it, and sometimes that can make people read situations incorrectly. So I'd be cautious that people may not be judging you at all, but your self consciousness is making you think they are.

[Anonymous]

Yes you are. If there are eight other people it won't be a 9th wheel dynamic. I am a single mom and when people make passive-aggressive comments I confront them and address their actual issue that they don't have the balls to say. (Generally something about being interested in someone's husband, or being whore-ish and hooking up with lots of men.) But that's literally happened fewer times than I have fingers on one hand over the course of a decade.

[Anonymous]

Go! People are less likely to judge your marital status if they know you and get to like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go! People are less likely to judge your marital status if they know you and get to like you.

This. And presenting yourself to the world as a confident, independent person is good modeling for your kid. I'm a longtime single parent and have never faced any kind of discrimination. If I did, I'd find it a 'them' problem and not a 'me' problem.

[Anonymous]

Go. The women will likely sit with the women and the men with the men.

[Anonymous]

So you just aren’t going to go to any parties where there are couples? You seem to be only hurting yourself.

[Anonymous]

Overthinking.
I’m married but go to quite a few social events alone because my spouse works 4-midnight and can’t always take off. I don’t feel judged.

[Anonymous]

Its 2024. No one is judging your marital status. Chances are the moms will be chatting in one spot and the dads in another. Have a great time.

[Anonymous]

Go! I’ve been married 22 years. I’d rather talk to you than my husband! Seriously, you won’t be the only divorced or flying solo that night person…

[Anonymous]

This is 2024. There are hardly any couples anymore.

Signed, SMC of 14 year old son. I have never had any issues attending parties and events.
(Did i mention everyone you meet wants to set you up with their brother, cousin...)

[Anonymous]

Yes, you're overthinking.

Agree with PPs that A) this stuff often ends up dividing into moms in one group and dads in another and B) at least with my kids' sports stuff, half the families (including mine, usually) only have one parent there.

Have fun!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was invited to a gathering with couples from my child’s sports team. I’m a single parent and I’m considering declining because I don’t want to be a 9th wheel. As far as I know, they’re not aware that I’m a single parent, but I don’t want it to mention it out of fear my kid and I will be judged. It happened with a previous team. I’m not sure what I should do. Am I overthinking this?

It's 5th wheel.

[Anonymous]

Overthinking. My guess is that they phrased it this way to indicate the evening was for the parents to get together, without their kids (those on the team and otherwise).

Go, get to know the other parents. It will make games and carpooling much easier and more enjoyable.

[Anonymous]

Overthinking. Half of the parents on my kids teams are divorced or single parents. Its just the norm and guess what... most of us had divorced parents or single parents.