Starting to feel suffocated by teen?

[Anonymous]

I know this is a “you’re going to miss this” thing and the moment I hit ‘submit’ on this post she won’t want to hang out anymore, but, lately DD13 wants to spend a TON of time with me, and not just time adjacent to me doing what I’m doing, but me doing exactly what she wants to do, and without distraction. Example: She wants to spend time together but I’m making dinner, she won’t sit at the counter and talk with me. After dinner when in just want a moment, she wants attention, only she won’t just sit and read with me, or sit quietly on the deck with me, she wants me to do exactly what she’s wants to do, no distraction.

I don’t remember being like this with my mother, and we were close. I would talk with her while she gardened, walked with her, etc. With DD, I feel guilty if I say no because I don’t want her to think I choose other things before her, but also, I feel a little smothered. DH is currently working long hours on a job and isn’t home until after we are all in bed, so I think that’s part of the issue: I have no alone time right now. Any advice?

[Anonymous]

If this is a recent thing, something happened to her or her friends. And you need to dig a little to get to the bottom of it

[Anonymous]

WTF! Give her the attention. You’re her mother!

[Anonymous]

Wow why did you have children?

Something is bothering her it is your job to figure this out.

[Anonymous]

Just tell her what you have to give. "I'm happy to listen to the details of the fight Emily had with Olivia - sit here and peel the potatoes while you tell me."

"I'm going to read for a half hour now, but you're welcome to grab your book and read with me too."

But I'd also make sure I'm giving some of the type of attention she wants each day too. Around that age my DD wanted to tell me all her school/friend drama. I think she wanted to hear a balanced opinion that was far-removed and not dramatic. So I spent a lot of time listening. We went on a lot of walks together.

[Anonymous]

My teen is like this except she only wants this attention when I am done with the day. But I always give in. She doesn't want this from my husband. Just me. All the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow why did you have children?

Something is bothering her it is your job to figure this out.

I am not the OP and this is very rude. A mother is allowed to want to have some time/space for herself without being criticized.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My teen is like this except she only wants this attention when I am done with the day. But I always give in. She doesn't want this from my husband. Just me. All the time.

I remember reading that this often happens late in the evenings when a parent wants to go to sleep!

Op, what for she want you to be doing with her?

[Anonymous]

My kid is like this. Very controlling. Also ASD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just tell her what you have to give. "I'm happy to listen to the details of the fight Emily had with Olivia - sit here and peel the potatoes while you tell me."

"I'm going to read for a half hour now, but you're welcome to grab your book and read with me too."

But I'd also make sure I'm giving some of the type of attention she wants each day too. Around that age my DD wanted to tell me all her school/friend drama. I think she wanted to hear a balanced opinion that was far-removed and not dramatic. So I spent a lot of time listening. We went on a lot of walks together.

This is how teens learn the skills to become adults— like learning to cook while venting to you. Let her know that you’re happy to listen to her, but you need her help while doing it as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow why did you have children?

Something is bothering her it is your job to figure this out.

I am not the OP and this is very rude. A mother is allowed to want to have some time/space for herself without being criticized.

DP. I’m allowed to want 100 billion dollars, but I’m not allowed to steal it. It’s hard to be a mother, but it’s her job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow why did you have children?

Something is bothering her it is your job to figure this out.

I am not the OP and this is very rude. A mother is allowed to want to have some time/space for herself without being criticized.

DP. I’m allowed to want 100 billion dollars, but I’m not allowed to steal it. It’s hard to be a mother, but it’s her job.

I completely disagree. It is not a mother's job to completely put her wants and needs aside for her kids. It's just not. She is also a person. And really, it's beside the point bc the OP ISN'T turning her daughter away, she just wishes she could sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow why did you have children?

Something is bothering her it is your job to figure this out.

I am not the OP and this is very rude. A mother is allowed to want to have some time/space for herself without being criticized.

DP. I’m allowed to want 100 billion dollars, but I’m not allowed to steal it. It’s hard to be a mother, but it’s her job.

This preachy attitude is exactly why so many mothers have depression. You are horrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:WTF! Give her the attention. You’re her mother!

This. Stop you're complaining. It will be over in a nanosecond and she clearly needs it. Dig into why that it.

JFC.

[Anonymous]

Hard to offer an opinion when you don’t give examples of what exactly she wants you to do. Let’s say it’s paint nails. What the harm in saying that dinner needs to be made, so she helps with dinner and after cleanup you can paint nails. I think it’s ok to not stop what you are doing but you can do this by acknowledging her need, and explaining why that moment won’t work and finding a time that works for you both or bringing her into whatever act you are doing. You presenting it as she won’t sit quietly next to you is interesting because she is clearly looking for engagement and you just want to be left alone. Sorry OP but you need to interact in some way in these moments.