Is childhood touching/ “playing doctor” just considered assault now?

[Anonymous]

A friend said that her child and another child in the same class were caught looking at and touching each other’s private areas. It was in an “exploring” type way and neither was upset by the interaction, they just seemed curious about their parts.
She is insisting that they have assaulted each other and wants to know how to proceed. These kids are 6 and mine are younger so I’m not sure how I would even proceed.

I just remember “playing house” or “playing doctor” as a kid and it wasn’t a scary experience. I always thought it was a normal kid thing to do. She insists that I was also assaulted.

Am I way off base here?

[Anonymous]

Legally in DC it is considered assault if there is a 4+ year age difference.

What you describe sounds age appropriate.

https://www.stopitnow.org/ohc-content/what-is-age-appropriate#Preschool%20Age

It may be that the mom has some unprocessed history or is unfamiliar with child development?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A friend said that her child and another child in the same class were caught looking at and touching each other’s private areas. It was in an “exploring” type way and neither was upset by the interaction, they just seemed curious about their parts.
She is insisting that they have assaulted each other and wants to know how to proceed. These kids are 6 and mine are younger so I’m not sure how I would even proceed.

I just remember “playing house” or “playing doctor” as a kid and it wasn’t a scary experience. I always thought it was a normal kid thing to do. She insists that I was also assaulted.

Am I way off base here?

This is a supervision issue more than anything. They didnt assault one another but do both need more in-depth conversations about bodily autonomy and that even if you are okay with it and so is the other person its unsafe and unhygienic to display/touch your own privates or someone else's. They need their curiosity addressed in other ways and they OBVIOUSLY need talking to about proper behavior and privates. It is completely normal for a kid to have questions or want to see how other peoples bodies work. BUT that type of behavior should have been addressed a long time ago. The difference would be if you have a kid that is much older like 8/9 with a 6 year old. That could be considered coercive and older kids know better but (2) same aged kids is different.

I would be 100% weirded out if this was in a classroom or some other space that is supposed to have supervision.

Also, this is why we dont do sleepovers, play dates in closed room, etc. Doctor should not be played naked and no undressing is required to play doctor. Part of this is that many people dont address these issues before they happen and then blame the kids for being perverts or something. And the other part is ignorance.

[Anonymous]

It's not assault, and curiosity is normal, but the mom should have already had talks (plural) with her kid about privacy, consent, and not touching or letting others touch private areas. If you talk about it before there's "an issue" it doesn't have to be a shaming thing, just a fact: we pee in the toilet with the door shut, we wear clothes out of the house, we don't touch others in certain places or let them touch us.

[Anonymous]

No power imbalance, no coercion, both parties consenting? No, not assault.

Agree with PP that an incident like this would make me question the supervision at the school because this isn't really something that should be happening at school.

And yes, of course you have to talk to your kid about it afterwards, discuss why it's not appropriate to touch other people's private parts or let them touch yours until you are older and ready for the responsibility that comes with that. And also to reiterate that no one should ever, ever touch your private parts without your permission. But all without shaming the kids. But you have to do this anyway, even if your kids never "play doctor." It's just what it means to raise a kid today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not assault, and curiosity is normal, but the mom should have already had talks (plural) with her kid about privacy, consent, and not touching or letting others touch private areas. If you talk about it before there's "an issue" it doesn't have to be a shaming thing, just a fact: we pee in the toilet with the door shut, we wear clothes out of the house, we don't touch others in certain places or let them touch us.

+1, these are conversations you hopefully have as you potty train and as your kid develops bodily autonomy from you (bathing on their own, etc.)

[Anonymous]

Seems like the obvious solution is to get the government involved, right? Charge each child with sexual assault. Have CPS remove them from their homes and placed in the care of foster parents or house them at a city youth shelter. Register them as sex offenders.

There’s a whole entire segment of the govt that handles this stuff.

Might as well get your money’s worth as a tax payer. It’s all paid for by you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems like the obvious solution is to get the government involved, right? Charge each child with sexual assault. Have CPS remove them from their homes and placed in the care of foster parents or house them at a city youth shelter. Register them as sex offenders.

There’s a whole entire segment of the govt that handles this stuff.

Might as well get your money’s worth as a tax payer. It’s all paid for by you.

+1. What could go wrong?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A friend said that her child and another child in the same class were caught looking at and touching each other’s private areas. It was in an “exploring” type way and neither was upset by the interaction, they just seemed curious about their parts.
She is insisting that they have assaulted each other and wants to know how to proceed. These kids are 6 and mine are younger so I’m not sure how I would even proceed.

I just remember “playing house” or “playing doctor” as a kid and it wasn’t a scary experience. I always thought it was a normal kid thing to do. She insists that I was also assaulted.

Am I way off base here?

You are not however I would remove my kid from that shitty school.

Because they are not watching the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems like the obvious solution is to get the government involved, right? Charge each child with sexual assault. Have CPS remove them from their homes and placed in the care of foster parents or house them at a city youth shelter. Register them as sex offenders.

There’s a whole entire segment of the govt that handles this stuff.

Might as well get your money’s worth as a tax payer. It’s all paid for by you.

+1. What could go wrong?

Agree, although you both forgot the /s for sarcasm.

OP: your friend is a crazy person. Like, seriously mentally ill. Find better friends.

[Anonymous]

Modern doctors don't examine children's naked bodies without a parent in the room. Modern children should play doctor the same waym

[Anonymous]

Your friend sounds like a neurotic nutjob OP.

I’d keep my kids away from her and her kids.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think this was abuse although I agree with others that it sounds like these kids are not being supervised properly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A friend said that her child and another child in the same class were caught looking at and touching each other’s private areas. It was in an “exploring” type way and neither was upset by the interaction, they just seemed curious about their parts.
She is insisting that they have assaulted each other and wants to know how to proceed. These kids are 6 and mine are younger so I’m not sure how I would even proceed.

I just remember “playing house” or “playing doctor” as a kid and it wasn’t a scary experience. I always thought it was a normal kid thing to do. She insists that I was also assaulted.

Am I way off base here?

You are not however I would remove my kid from that shitty school.

Because they are not watching the kids.

Something like this has happened at some point at almost every school in the country. Unless it's an environment where EVERY SINGLE KID is being constantly monitored EVERY SECOND of the day (including in the bathrooms, every nook/cranny/behind the shed/etc. of the playground). I'm not sure even prisons qualify for that level of monitoring.

[Anonymous]

No, and what they did is completely normal and developmentally appropriate. If one was 6 and one was 13, different story.