Americans, does it bother you when immigrants complain about America?

[Anonymous]

My husband is a white American man. I am an Asian immigrant who received her citizenship upon marriage to him.

Lately, he gets angry and defensive and calls me "anti-American" when I complain about various things. U.S. Foreign policy, the junk food, the lack of style of fellow Americans.

He says if I live here, I should be happy and not anti-patriotic.

Wondering if other Americans feel this way?

[Anonymous]

Nope. I lived overseas for a while and definitely complained about the things I didn't like.

Of course, I also abided by the laws of the host country and didn't attempt to overthrow the government.

Did you tell your husband that the 1st Amendment also applies to immigrants? He needs to go re-read the Bill of Rights.

[Anonymous]

Depends on how often you’re doing it. If you spend all of your time talking about how much better everything is somewhere else I would wonder why you don’t live there instead.

[Anonymous]

No. There's no "patriotic" opinion about foreign policy or junk food; Americans have major disagreements on those issues, and people with all possible opinions complain about them.

You're an American, and just as entitled to grumble about whatever you want as anyone who got their citizenship at birth.

[Anonymous]

It depends on what the compliant is. There are many legitimate things to complain about. What I dislike are the ones (and I've seen it expressed in here) who say they have no loyalty at all to the country and are just here for the jobs.

[Anonymous]

Of course not. No country is perfect, and America has a lot of problems. Being patriotic means loving your country; it doesn't mean being blind to its' problems or weak spots.

I get annoyed when someone complains about the same thing over and over again.

[Anonymous]

If you do it constantly, sure, of course it’s annoying! Wouldn’t you be annoyed if he lived in your home country, and constantly criticized it?

If you do it once in awhile, then that’s ok. Everyone criticizes things, after all. America is its own worst critic.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it annoys me when people complain on DCUM about American cultural habits. I don’t care so much if they complain about foreign policy.

[Anonymous]

First gen here. I only talk to other first gen about how spoiled Americans are.

[Anonymous]

No! And my immigrant husband never complains but privately regrets immigrating and Im sure he cant be the only one. I think the word is trickling down and just like college isnt the answer to an instantly better life like it was in the 80s/90s, immigration to America is less and less of a definite upgrade aswell.

[Anonymous]

No, I'm American (my family came in the 1700s) and I complain about the US too.

I think recent immigrants may be really surprised about the actual reality of the US versus their home countries.

[Anonymous]

My DH is a naturalized citizen and although he has lots of complaints about the way things are done, just like every other American, the implied context is always “but life is still so much better here overall than it was in my home country”. I understand this because we have had many open discussions about it, but I can see how someone who doesn’t know him as well could be annoyed that he’s complaining about a place he actively chose to move to.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes the audience matters. He may feel responsible for your happiness here in this country and your complaints are about things he has no power to fix or change.

My dh complains about democrats and their policies regularly. I’m a lifelong Democrat, but I have no power to change anything in the party and sometimes when he’s venting it feels like he’s blaming me for these political issues. It gets old.

In your shoes I’d save your complaints for your fellow immigrants or DCUM. Don’t vent to him about it.

[Anonymous]

It’s boring.

[Anonymous]

No, not at all. I do wonder if they knew what they were signing up for ahead of time, though.