Staff stole money from parent at assisted living

[Anonymous]

How would you handle this? I discovered that at least one, or maybe more, staff at my mom’s ALF has been stealing cash from her, maybe when she’s sleeping, or just out of it and not paying close attention. She kept a wallet in a certain spot in her walker bag, always close-by, but this still has happened. I don’t have cameras hidden in my mom’s residence at her assisted living facility, and usually only one aide at a time is helping her, so no potential for witnesses. How would you handle this? Notify the head of staff? Do nothing? I have now made sure that nothing at all of value is left there anymore.

[Anonymous]

Yes report to the Director/Head person so they are aware. As you are already doing, don’t leave valuables. Also, be very open to the possibility it was not staff but another resident. We found this out with MIL. Harder to know with cash but she had things found by the staff in another resident’s rooms and also things that were never found.

[Anonymous]

Call the Longterm care Ombudsman for state: https://theconsumervoice.org/get_help

[Anonymous]

Someone may or may not be stealing. The problem is that elderly people forget where they put things or they hide valuables. Is your mother 100% cognitively sharp?

My mother claims people are stealing from her when in actuality she can't remember where she has put something so she thinks people are stealing. So as a consequence of thinking people are stealing she hides things, which she then of course forgets where they are hidden and that she hid the valuables in the first place. She goes to look for the item and it is missing. So in her mind it confirms to her that someone is stealing.

It can be a sign of dementia, which my mother has. My son who is now 14 has regularly gone over and to find things for his grandmother for the past three years. He lifts the mattress, crawls under the bed, roots around in her closet, looks under the sofa cushions, etc. He couldn't find her wallet or phone so I also looked, my husband looked and we thought - oh wow someone is actually stealing from her. Two weeks later after looking not just in her apartment in the assisted living facility but also in the dining room, activity rooms, front desk etc. I finally asked her if she could have given it to a friend of safe keeping. It jogged her memory and she went to ask her neighbor. It was all there in a big purse along with makeup she thought someone also had stolen from her.

[Anonymous]

I work in assisted living. Yes you need to tell the director of your facility, make sure they file an internal incident report and log it somewhere. They may be required to self report to the state regulatory authority for ALFs and file a report with the police too (generally this is policy and likely nothing will come of it).

What do you really think happened / had been happening? Theft or misplacement? If theft do you think someone working there did it (not a resident as PP suggested that does happen)??

You cannot keep any valuables there at all and TBH if my mother was stolen from *by an employee* (hard to know) I would move them out. Thieves have little respect for others generally, it’s why they steal, and people who have little respect for others will not provide great ‘assistance’ in assisted living.

[Anonymous]

She is still mostly lucid and aware, just has times where she is very drowsy and notices less. She is never without her walker and uses it to go anywhere even in her apartment. She always keeps her wallet in the same exact spot in a bag attached to walker, and one day I thought it odd that it was in a different spot and some bill corners were sticking out. I put it back in the normal spot. The next time I saw her I checked and it was again moved and all the cash was gone. She doesn’t purchase things or go out at all due to physical problems w moving, so I have no doubt it’s staff. I visit her regularly. It’s all very disturbing.

[Anonymous]

Keep track of the days and times (shifts) it happened. Tell the administrator asap and ask to know who provided care ok which days, and if you can who punched in. Whole building not just her area of the facility. They should investigate and share an update with you.

[Anonymous]

This happens a lot at those places and they will just blame it on your parent forgetting.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, if the care is good I wouldn’t say anything. You really don’t know what happened. I’ve no doubt that things get stolen in these places but I also think caregivers and housecleaners are constantly being accused of stealing things that have gone missing some other way.

Does your mother really need to have cash? If so, you have to find another way to manage it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is still mostly lucid and aware, just has times where she is very drowsy and notices less. She is never without her walker and uses it to go anywhere even in her apartment. She always keeps her wallet in the same exact spot in a bag attached to walker, and one day I thought it odd that it was in a different spot and some bill corners were sticking out. I put it back in the normal spot. The next time I saw her I checked and it was again moved and all the cash was gone. She doesn’t purchase things or go out at all due to physical problems w moving, so I have no doubt it’s staff. I visit her regularly. It’s all very disturbing.

She might have given money out as tips. She might have hidden it somewhere else. A lot could have happened.

[Anonymous]

There is no reason for your mother to have anything of value on her or in her room at assisted living.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is still mostly lucid and aware, just has times where she is very drowsy and notices less. She is never without her walker and uses it to go anywhere even in her apartment. She always keeps her wallet in the same exact spot in a bag attached to walker, and one day I thought it odd that it was in a different spot and some bill corners were sticking out. I put it back in the normal spot. The next time I saw her I checked and it was again moved and all the cash was gone. She doesn’t purchase things or go out at all due to physical problems w moving, so I have no doubt it’s staff. I visit her regularly. It’s all very disturbing.

None of what you said proves that it was staff.

[Anonymous]

She should have little cash. Out, available, for someone to take. Same: no jewelry. The reason ~ you do not want to have these feelings. It might be a family member. You don't know. Move-on.

[Anonymous]

When my mom was in assisted living she wanted to have cash on her so I gave her a few hundred dollars so she could feel like she was still participating in the world. Figured if it got stolen it got stolen (never leave anything of true value in those places). When I moved her out I found cash all over her apartment. Like a PP she’d hidden it in various drawers. Without cameras and without being there you don’t know if it was staff who took it. I could have been another resident.

All of my moms opiate painkillers went missing when she was recovering from knee surgery. Thankfully she didn’t need it but I’m convinced it was the home health aides I’d hired. No way to prove it. Cost of having someone in a facility.

[Anonymous]

How much cash does she really need on hand? If you see her often enough, you can “hold” the money and replenish her stash when needed.