Advice for independence fearing and craving tween

[Anonymous]

I'm having difficulty navigating this tween stage where I cannot seem to push my child out of their zone to do things more independently. But at the same time, they non stop whine and complain to me that I don't give them enough freedom and independence to do things, like bike a few miles by themselves into the business district. This is after they have refused to bike on their own to local parks because they want me to go with them.

Essentially, they want to run before they can walk. Any advice?

[Anonymous]

If they're a tween, this is normal. How old is your kid and what kind of independence do you see lacking at this age?

My expectations for independence from a 12 year vs a 16 year old are vastly different, so it's hard to give more advice without those details.

[Anonymous]

Spell it out. "If you want to do B, you must prove A by doing C. When I see you successfully doing C without complaining or whining, then you'll have me considering letting you do B. It's your choice."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Spell it out. "If you want to do B, you must prove A by doing C. When I see you successfully doing C without complaining or whining, then you'll have me considering letting you do B. It's your choice."

How do you handle it when they complain and whine about giving any kind of safety advice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spell it out. "If you want to do B, you must prove A by doing C. When I see you successfully doing C without complaining or whining, then you'll have me considering letting you do B. It's your choice."

How do you handle it when they complain and whine about giving any kind of safety advice?

DP. I tell them that I don't listen to whining. I also tell them if they ignore safety advice they are showing me that they can't handle the responsibility of doing whatever they want to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spell it out. "If you want to do B, you must prove A by doing C. When I see you successfully doing C without complaining or whining, then you'll have me considering letting you do B. It's your choice."

How do you handle it when they complain and whine about giving any kind of safety advice?

Firstly, in our house whining is illegal. If you whine, you are immediately sent to your room and can't come out until you're ready to talk without whining. Secondly, "if you're not ready to listen to safety advice, then you're not ready to go by yourself." If they claim they know it, I welcome them to tell me everything I was going to say. If they get it all, then fine by me - I'm thrilled what I've told them has sunk in. If they get it wrong I invite them to think about it and try again with the missing components.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spell it out. "If you want to do B, you must prove A by doing C. When I see you successfully doing C without complaining or whining, then you'll have me considering letting you do B. It's your choice."

How do you handle it when they complain and whine about giving any kind of safety advice?

Firstly, in our house whining is illegal. If you whine, you are immediately sent to your room and can't come out until you're ready to talk without whining. Secondly, "if you're not ready to listen to safety advice, then you're not ready to go by yourself." If they claim they know it, I welcome them to tell me everything I was going to say. If they get it all, then fine by me - I'm thrilled what I've told them has sunk in. If they get it wrong I invite them to think about it and try again with the missing components.

Ok, so this didn't exactly go as planned. They just left, took their bike, refused to take any communication device. How would you handle this situation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spell it out. "If you want to do B, you must prove A by doing C. When I see you successfully doing C without complaining or whining, then you'll have me considering letting you do B. It's your choice."

How do you handle it when they complain and whine about giving any kind of safety advice?

Firstly, in our house whining is illegal. If you whine, you are immediately sent to your room and can't come out until you're ready to talk without whining. Secondly, "if you're not ready to listen to safety advice, then you're not ready to go by yourself." If they claim they know it, I welcome them to tell me everything I was going to say. If they get it all, then fine by me - I'm thrilled what I've told them has sunk in. If they get it wrong I invite them to think about it and try again with the missing components.

Ok, so this didn't exactly go as planned. They just left, took their bike, refused to take any communication device. How would you handle this situation?

I would give a consequence when they got back, like a week without both the bike and communication device.

[Anonymous]

Good lord. Let the kid bike.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spell it out. "If you want to do B, you must prove A by doing C. When I see you successfully doing C without complaining or whining, then you'll have me considering letting you do B. It's your choice."

How do you handle it when they complain and whine about giving any kind of safety advice?

“I would say the same thing to an adult.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spell it out. "If you want to do B, you must prove A by doing C. When I see you successfully doing C without complaining or whining, then you'll have me considering letting you do B. It's your choice."

How do you handle it when they complain and whine about giving any kind of safety advice?

Firstly, in our house whining is illegal. If you whine, you are immediately sent to your room and can't come out until you're ready to talk without whining. Secondly, "if you're not ready to listen to safety advice, then you're not ready to go by yourself." If they claim they know it, I welcome them to tell me everything I was going to say. If they get it all, then fine by me - I'm thrilled what I've told them has sunk in. If they get it wrong I invite them to think about it and try again with the missing components.

Ok, so this didn't exactly go as planned. They just left, took their bike, refused to take any communication device. How would you handle this situation?

Lol, that's ballsy. They'd lost their bike through the summer. They'd lose any and all communication devices through the summer. They'd be given a big talk by both parents when they get back about how mature adults let others who care about them know where they're going and when they'll be back, and CHILDREN get permission before going anywhere at all outside the house. They'd be grounded through the end of school year for today's stunt. Running away is totally unacceptable.