Why does my mother do this and what can I do about it?
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Anonymous
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My mother is fully capable of ordering things online. She has no issues when it comes to ordering tchotchkes she collects for herself, or items for my dad and his collections. No problem entering CC info, etc. But when it comes to certain things like Amazon or Target, etc, she wants me to order through my account and she will reimburse me cash. And it’s NOT because of shipping time, it’s because “I don’t want them to have my CC on file.” I might be able to understand that if it wasn’t for her having no issues ordering things from other places.
I hate having to fool around with the cash, both using it (because self-checkouts sometimes don’t take cash) or going to the bank to deposit it. Annoying. Mostly, I just don’t understand why she can order her collectible junk but not the pillows and duvet set she wants from Target, for example. She sent me a text last night saying she wants me to order those for her today. I just ordered a bunch of junk for her from Amazon the other day. She’s literally on the website sending links, why can’t she just check out? Is this some sort of selective learned helplessness? Help! |
Anonymous
| It is a control thing. Set her up with a PayPal account. |
Anonymous
She would never! |
Anonymous
This. My mother does the same exact thing. Tell her if she needs your help ordering basic things for herself, then are you her financial POA? You’ll need access to her checking account to know if she can afford the items because you don’t want her to be taken advantage of. That will probably get her to stop. |
Anonymous
| Oh, and if she really does need you to start taking over her bill pay, set a weekly time/date with a limit and tell her to say her piece then only. POAs don’t need to be on call for midnight Amazon purchases. |
Anonymous
| You need to nip this in the bud, OP. How old is she? She's already putting you in a position to start managing her life. It will only get worse. |
Anonymous
| Just say no. You are entitled to say no without having the reason figured out and without solving this for her. She probably remembers a bad data breach of Target's. It changed how I deal with Target. |
Anonymous
| ^ I am probably your Mother's age, btw |
Anonymous
So she uses her credit card online for multiple random weird purchases from wherever for collectible junk! Is her junk on Amazon orders usually less than $35 so she'd have to pay for shipping? Usually 1-2/week? Just tell her no for all of it and get her own Prime account. I have adult DC's with their own households. |
Anonymous
| If the only reason is that she doesn’t want Amazon and Target to store her CC info, she can check the box when ordering to not store her CC info. Maybe find it and show it to her once for each if necessary. She’ll just have to re-enter her CC every time she orders. |
Anonymous
| Tell her to take her cash to the grocery store and buy Visa gift cards, which she can then use to buy things from Target, etc. |
Anonymous
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Two options for you:
1. Say no, and explain that large resellers, while frequently the target of hacking, actually protect data much better than smaller retail websites. If one of those is hacked, they will not have the means to protect themselves or respond rapidly. 2. Say yes, on condition she signs a POA. This ensures that as she declines with age, you can safeguard her financial wellbeing (and save you major caregiving headaches!) from the aforementioned hacking, or more likely the myriad iterations of elder fraud that await her. She might refuse the POA, as many elderly parents do, not trusting their kids, but then you'll just refuse to help her order her stuff... so you win in the short-term, a little reprieve from chores. |
Anonymous
I just had my social security number stolen by the data breach from my former health insurance company. Data breaches can happen anywhere. Cell phone providers, utilities, employers, the government… The best defense is to report to the FTC the minute you find out about it and use the identity monitoring provided by your bank/credit card company. Close any affected accounts as soon as you find out. That’s all you need to do. |
Anonymous
Well, unless she is deep into her 80s, she can go physically to Target and hand them her credit card... |
Anonymous
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Just stop doing it! Seriously. She can check out online without saving her CC. Just tell her no!
My MIL won’t buy anything online with her phone. She has Amazon prime, but is convinced it is safe to buy things via computer web browser, but not via an app or browser on her phone. It makes no sense, but there’s no way to talk her out of it. Old people are weird sometimes. Luckily, she doesn’t ask me to buy anything for her! |