Eating out as splurge, trying not to feel guilty

[Anonymous]

We eat out 2-3 a week, usually once or twice as a family (take out) and sometimes once for lunch dh and I when we wfh since it’s hard to go out in evening alone with little kids.

I know we could save a lot if we ate out only once a week or not at all but I feel like it’s our own only splurge and we are pretty frugal otherwise. Don’t spend on housecleaners, wear handmedowns for kids, dont go out that much, etc. We can afford it (fund retirement, childcare, 529s, donate to charity) but I still feel guilty. How do I get over it? I think I should bc 1) I love food 2) I love not cooking 3) eating out is big part of dh and I’s relationship !). Also doing my part to help the economy like a good American. Still, my child of immigrant upbringing associates deprivation w virtue.

And now I want to hit up a buffet!

[Anonymous]

Now that I write 33K checks every semester for my oldest's college, it brings home to me all the relevancy of the sacrifices I made previously. I saved and invested the money. Every little bit helps, even if you think one take-out won't hurt because it's like, 2 minutes at college! But cumulatively...

However, if you can truly afford whatever comes your way... sure, treat yourself.

[Anonymous]

You should eat out and not feel guilty. As you indicated, you save money in other ways.

We all need to do stuff that gives us pleasure. Self-care is important to keep us mentally healthy, and eating out is what you enjoy.

You have to take care of yourself in order to take care of others.

[Anonymous]

There are many ways to save money. You are not required to do them all! Some people love to cook and are happy to eat at home...but would not consider putting their kids in something that is not new. Its all choices.

We got in the habit of eating out once a week. It was something to do on Saturday nights when the kids were little (we all went out..not fancy). For us once a week was good structure.

[Anonymous]

Make a budget that meets your long term goals, stay within it, and then relax and be happy.

A lot of people use morality or some form of “morality” as a default proxy for budgeting, but it’s usually half baked as far as actual morality and it’s a terrible substitute for actual budgeting.

[Anonymous]

Yes, you could eat out less and you would be fine. Make your choice actively and be happy with it, or don't, but feeling guilty is just a waste.

[Anonymous]

As long as eating out isn't at the expense of other financial goals, have at it. When we were younger and made and had less money, we rarely ate out. Now, we eat out probably 5x/week but the money's pouring in, we're busy as hell with work and kids, so I figure, we earned it, we need to eat, we don't always have time to cook or pack, so why not?

[Anonymous]

We cut back to once a week and expanded our grocery budget to allow for splurge items to compensate, which still ends up being way cheaper.

DH and I sometimes have Brie, crackers, apples and grapes, prosciutto for dinner with wine. $25 for a nice indulgence instead of $100 on a restaurant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We cut back to once a week and expanded our grocery budget to allow for splurge items to compensate, which still ends up being way cheaper.

DH and I sometimes have Brie, crackers, apples and grapes, prosciutto for dinner with wine. $25 for a nice indulgence instead of $100 on a restaurant.

We'll sometimes buy prepared items for this purpose (e.g. Trader Joe's orange chicken, HMart marinated meats). Takes more work but tastes as good as takeout and is cheaper. We also make better pizza at home than most takeout.

That doesn't really help OP though. She doesn't want to cook more to save money. She wants absolution. Let's give her that, why not?

[Anonymous]

I don't think its so much about saving money (if you can afford it) but it is very unhealthy to be eating out that much. The food you get at restaurants is much higher in fat and salt than if you made it at home yourself.

[Anonymous]

I’ve started looking at it this way: Is eating out really *that* expensive? You have to eat anyway, right?

Let’s say you cook at home, an average meal. What are you spending? Let’s say we have steak. It’s going to be around $25 for our family of three to have steak. Then I’ll make a salad and potato, maybe that’s another $10. It could be even more if we need salad dressing or A1 sauce. Plus I have to cook and clean up, and time = money. So I’ve spent $35 on dinner.

Last weekend we went out for dinner. We ate, had dessert and a drink each and spent $80, but I really only spent $45. And only $25 if we didn’t get drinks. Only $15 if we didn’t have an app.

I’m going out to eat for $15 more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We eat out 2-3 a week, usually once or twice as a family (take out) and sometimes once for lunch dh and I when we wfh since it’s hard to go out in evening alone with little kids.

I know we could save a lot if we ate out only once a week or not at all but I feel like it’s our own only splurge and we are pretty frugal otherwise. Don’t spend on housecleaners, wear handmedowns for kids, dont go out that much, etc. We can afford it (fund retirement, childcare, 529s, donate to charity) but I still feel guilty. How do I get over it? I think I should bc 1) I love food 2) I love not cooking 3) eating out is big part of dh and I’s relationship !). Also doing my part to help the economy like a good American. Still, my child of immigrant upbringing associates deprivation w virtue.

And now I want to hit up a buffet!

Spend some money on grammar lessons? It will probably cost less than a plate of lobster spaghetti.

[Anonymous]

If you can afford it, why do you feel guilty?

How you choose to spend your money is your business.

[Anonymous]

I like what the PP said about there being lots of ways to save money and you don’t have to do every single one of them. If it makes you feel guilty, are you really even enjoying it?? Set aside a certain amount per month for eating out and then give yourself permission to spend that amount and not worry about it. Or maybe cut out two of your take out meals per month and see if that makes you feel better about it.

I love live theater and we splurge on seeing shows at the Kennedy center, sometimes taking our 3 kids along. It can be really expensive, but we very rarely eat out, I am not into fancy skin care or purses or jewelry. The joy of being an adult is that you get to decide what you want to splurge on and where you want to save!

[Anonymous]

I don't feel guilty about spending money on stuff that I've already planned on spending for. Try calculating how much money you need to save per year, budget your income so you make your goals, and then you won't feel guilty about executing the plan you set out for yourself.