Want to raise happy, successful kids? ‘Wait as long as possible’ to give them a phone’ (Yale)

[Anonymous]

This comes directly from an expert at Yale:

- if you gave your kid a phone between ages 8 to 12, you did it wrong and need to take the phone away.

https://www.cnbc.com/2023/10/23/wait-as-long-as-possible-to-give-kids-a-phone-yale-psychology-expert.html

[Anonymous]

Social media use exposes many kids to cyberbullying, hate speech and various types of discrimination. Even YouTube videos meant for children can contain malicious, disturbing or inappropriate content. This has been noted by CNBC as far back as 2018.

The most damaging social media platforms include TikTok (by far), SnapChat, Insta, and Discord.

[Anonymous]

Well yes. My children did not get a phone until they could drive. Computers were confined to family room areas and monitored. And everyone grew up to be well-adjusted🤷‍♀️

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This comes directly from an expert at Yale:

- if you gave your kid a phone between ages 8 to 12, you did it wrong and need to take the phone away.

https://www.cnbc.com/2023/10/23/wait-as-long-as-possible-to-give-kids-a-phone-yale-psychology-expert.html

Oh, well if it’s from an “expert at Yale”. . . .

Sure it’s an opportunity cost to leave your kid on a phone for hours on end, but there are benefits. Like knowing when and which door to pick my kid up after their several hours of sport and after school activities - where they aren’t glued to their phones. There are no pay phones like back in our day. Also, you will see the age and restriction level shift drastically depending on which “expert” is flapping their gob. The only thing they can agree on is limit usage and monitor content.

no need to “take the phone away” unless you are just insecure and have a knee jerk reaction to every piece of advice.

[Anonymous]

Done.

I also think we should be talking more about not giving kids tablets at 4 or 5. It just hooks them on screens and apps and wires their brains for it, even if they are doing "learning apps" and not on social media at that age.

It's hard, but if you can just resist the urge to buy them an iPad as long as possible, it's good for their brains. It's one thing to give them a tablet occasionally as a one off on a long plane ride or to survive an interminable wait at a doctors office. But see if you can get them to live mostly screen-free on an average day. If they watch TV/movies, make them watch it on an actual TV where they aren't interacting with the screen in that intimate way.

I really think it makes a big difference in development -- mental, emotional, social.

[Anonymous]

I only have a 9 year old, so we haven't crossed this bridge yet, but it's not all doom and gloom:

https://med.stanford.edu/news/all-news/2022/11/children-mobile-phone-age.html#:~:text=The%20average%20age%20at%20which,children%20acquired%20their%20first%20phones.
Stanford Medicine researchers did not find a connection between the age children acquired their first cell phone and their sleep patterns, depression symptoms or grades.

[Anonymous]

I work in tech and everyone around me through work delays all screens and delays phones. Generally no screens except long trips until 6 or 7, and no phones until HS.

I only have one friend whose DH works in tech where each of their kids had their own iPad by like, 2 years old.

[Anonymous]

Phones with social are ubiquitous in middle schools in the DMV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work in tech and everyone around me through work delays all screens and delays phones. Generally no screens except long trips until 6 or 7, and no phones until HS.

I only have one friend whose DH works in tech where each of their kids had their own iPad by like, 2 years old.

I think the iPads for 2 year olds are insane. There's all this data out there on the importance of face-to-face interaction for speech and social-emotional development. And speech development feeds into early literacy. I don't understand why anyone would give a child that young their own screen device, especially when a lot of 2 yr olds can be entertained fairly easily.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work in tech and everyone around me through work delays all screens and delays phones. Generally no screens except long trips until 6 or 7, and no phones until HS.

I only have one friend whose DH works in tech where each of their kids had their own iPad by like, 2 years old.

I think the iPads for 2 year olds are insane. There's all this data out there on the importance of face-to-face interaction for speech and social-emotional development. And speech development feeds into early literacy. I don't understand why anyone would give a child that young their own screen device, especially when a lot of 2 yr olds can be entertained fairly easily.

Yep. The funny thing is that friend is a former nanny and was great at it. I don't get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Phones with social are ubiquitous in middle schools in the DMV.

Well that’s usually age 12+, though some middle school kids are 11. It gets difficult for them to contact their friends if they have no phone whatsoever. They can have a dumb phone without social media on it. Even then they can get left out because the other kids are talking on Snap chat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Phones with social are ubiquitous in middle schools in the DMV.

Well that’s usually age 12+, though some middle school kids are 11. It gets difficult for them to contact their friends if they have no phone whatsoever. They can have a dumb phone without social media on it. Even then they can get left out because the other kids are talking on Snap chat. [/quote

Don't kids live near friends anymore or have neighborhood friends? Thats what we did and even though it may be 12+ i dont think a phone is a good idea. Maybe sometime in high school.]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Phones with social are ubiquitous in middle schools in the DMV.

DMV/DCUM parents have no idea what to do until they get an expert opinion from HYP. Then they will follow lock step and cite "the science".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Done.

I also think we should be talking more about not giving kids tablets at 4 or 5. It just hooks them on screens and apps and wires their brains for it, even if they are doing "learning apps" and not on social media at that age.

It's hard, but if you can just resist the urge to buy them an iPad as long as possible, it's good for their brains. It's one thing to give them a tablet occasionally as a one off on a long plane ride or to survive an interminable wait at a doctors office. But see if you can get them to live mostly screen-free on an average day. If they watch TV/movies, make them watch it on an actual TV where they aren't interacting with the screen in that intimate way.

I really think it makes a big difference in development -- mental, emotional, social.

4 or 5? Try taking them away from the toddlers and you'll be making serious progress. Cannot tell you how many 2 and 3 year old sideline siblings I see at my elementary kids' sporting events glued to tablets.

I'm not a perfect parent by far and all these other people probably have many areas where they are superior to me, but I did avoid that mistake.

[Anonymous]

I think there are so many shades of grey that people ignore in favor of ease of implementation and false virtue. The same people waiting until their kids are 16 to get a phone are the same who will tell others that there is no safe level of alcohol during pregnancy, religiously avoid television for their children until age 4, skip out on all red dye 40, etc.

Many of us can successfully encourage moderation and instill values outside of abstinence only. That's parenting, right?