123 Magic, list your straight-to-three behaviors AND weigh in on a dispute

[Anonymous]

I am about to start 123 Magic because Kazdin method is not working for our family. I’ve read both books multiple times and we’ve gotten help from multiple professionals. Kids behave better apart than together. My husband will not read 123 Magic or try the process, but he’s satisfied with the way the kids behave for him. Kids are 5 and 6.

We were discussing concept that behaviors that are so dangerous or outrageous that they skip the counting procedure and go straight to three. I brought up jumping on the couch. I have calmly explained to danger to my kids multiple times and have put them in time out for it each time I see it, yet they still jump on the couch. I find this outrageous. I have no memories of standing on upholstered furniture in childhood, much less jumping on it.

Ideally, I would like to have them go straight to three each time an adult sees it. My husband thinks that I’m being too harsh, and should use the counting procedure. If anything, I was going to add extra time if that didn’t extinguish within the first two weeks.

1. Am I too harsh, or is he too relaxed on this particular issue?

2. We would love your family’s list of straight-to-three behaviors.

[Anonymous]

This is insane. Jumping on the couch isn’t dangerous. You can count “one two three” and send them to timeout if they’re still jumping at 3.

Seriously. You undermine the process AND your own authority by starting at 3.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is insane. Jumping on the couch isn’t dangerous. You can count “one two three” and send them to timeout if they’re still jumping at 3.

Seriously. You undermine the process AND your own authority by starting at 3.

Have you read the book? That’s what the book says to do.

It’s not, by the time I count to three….

It’s more like kid is back talking and you don’t engage. Just say, “ that’s one” and be silent.

So, have you read the book, pp?

[Anonymous]

1. Jumping on the couch is a minor offense, and not that dangerous. Your husband is correct.

2. Straight to punishment and BIG TIME TROUBLE is for something that can kill them. Running with scissors, or playfighting with the kitchen knives, or using the lighter, or pushing someone down the stairs. Or running across the street without looking.

[Anonymous]

And I do thank you for your perspective.

[Anonymous]

Jumping on the couch is clearly dangerous. One of my kids went to the ER for stitches after horseplay in the LR and hitting his head on the corner of a table. A kid jumping on the couch could easily break an arm or worse by falling off the wrong way.

Due to that type of danger I was very harsh in ordering my kids to stop any risky behavior immediately, and if they didn't I physically stopped them and we had a no fun serious conversation about never doing that again and listening to an adult.

There was no 1 2 3 in a situation like that. I used ` 1 2 3 if I said time for bed and they didn't get up and go.

[Anonymous]

I never allowed my kids to jump on the couch, but, I also don't think it is a straight to three behavior. 5 and 6 seems old for 123 Magic. It is also old to be jumping on the couch if not allowed. I'd do a behavior chart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jumping on the couch is clearly dangerous. One of my kids went to the ER for stitches after horseplay in the LR and hitting his head on the corner of a table. A kid jumping on the couch could easily break an arm or worse by falling off the wrong way.

Due to that type of danger I was very harsh in ordering my kids to stop any risky behavior immediately, and if they didn't I physically stopped them and we had a no fun serious conversation about never doing that again and listening to an adult.

There was no 1 2 3 in a situation like that. I used ` 1 2 3 if I said time for bed and they didn't get up and go.

Your kid does zero risky behavior? No riding bikes? No climbing trees? No running? The worst injury my kid had was from falling while walking.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for all of your perspectives. One dc has special needs and has been on and off behavior charts for years. I simply cannot behavior chart every thing until the end of time.

The book says that the program is for children about ages 2-12.

[Anonymous]

I absolutely would not go right to three for couch jumping.

Our kids are 2.5 and 4. Our right-to-threes are:

1) Hitting or kicking a person
2) Not stopping when we say “stop” when we’re walking out on the sidewalk (they’re city kids, we walk everywhere, and we let 2.5 get about 1/4 block in front of us and the 4 year old get about a 1/2 block in front of us, so this is a SERIOUS infraction for us. Has only happened once each that I can remember).
3) One time, the older one looked me right in the eye and said “I hate you.” Chilled me to the bone. I went right to three and put him in a timeout. I don’t know if that was the right move, prob not according to the book. It was just my first instinct. He clearly had no idea what it even meant, we talked about it a lot after and he’s never said it since.

We’ve been doing 1-2-3 Magic since each kid was about 18 months old. I’d say we’ve gone right to 3 a single digit number of times, across both kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I absolutely would not go right to three for couch jumping.

Our kids are 2.5 and 4. Our right-to-threes are:

1) Hitting or kicking a person
2) Not stopping when we say “stop” when we’re walking out on the sidewalk (they’re city kids, we walk everywhere, and we let 2.5 get about 1/4 block in front of us and the 4 year old get about a 1/2 block in front of us, so this is a SERIOUS infraction for us. Has only happened once each that I can remember).
3) One time, the older one looked me right in the eye and said “I hate you.” Chilled me to the bone. I went right to three and put him in a timeout. I don’t know if that was the right move, prob not according to the book. It was just my first instinct. He clearly had no idea what it even meant, we talked about it a lot after and he’s never said it since.

We’ve been doing 1-2-3 Magic since each kid was about 18 months old. I’d say we’ve gone right to 3 a single digit number of times, across both kids.

Thanks for your perspective. I’m having trouble understanding how jumping on the couch isn’t in everyone’s dangerous category. It literally doesn’t fit in my head. I’m worried he’ll get a concussion or break a leg. If I use the counting procedure, they can get a full 9 seconds of jumping in. Every time. Maybe I just grew up in an unusually well-behaved circle of children, but I’d literally never seen another child jump on furniture before mine did it. I’ve tried time-out, but I’ve always included the no-fun conversation in the past, which I’m thinking may be part of the problem.

So, while I understand that this isn’t quite running in the street, why isn’t this in your dangerous category?

[Anonymous]

If the child puts themselves in what you perceive as physical danger (some couch jumping fits that, some doesn't), then you skip the whole 123 Magic and just physically remove the child from the danger. Explain why. If they do it again, straight to 3.

[Anonymous]

Couch jumping is bad but not immediately dangerous in my opinion. Yes, they *could* break an arm/get a concussion but it’s not likely; most likely even if they fall or hurt themselves, they’ll just just end up with a bad bruise. My dramatic reaction situations are things where there’s a reasonable chance of death or life altering injury — running into the street, messing with plugs/kitchen knives/the iron/the fireplace.

[Anonymous]

This doesn’t address your question but we tell our kids to put the couch cushions on the floor and jump on them there. They eventually ruined the couch springs over many years but no one got hurt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I absolutely would not go right to three for couch jumping.

Our kids are 2.5 and 4. Our right-to-threes are:

1) Hitting or kicking a person
2) Not stopping when we say “stop” when we’re walking out on the sidewalk (they’re city kids, we walk everywhere, and we let 2.5 get about 1/4 block in front of us and the 4 year old get about a 1/2 block in front of us, so this is a SERIOUS infraction for us. Has only happened once each that I can remember).
3) One time, the older one looked me right in the eye and said “I hate you.” Chilled me to the bone. I went right to three and put him in a timeout. I don’t know if that was the right move, prob not according to the book. It was just my first instinct. He clearly had no idea what it even meant, we talked about it a lot after and he’s never said it since.

We’ve been doing 1-2-3 Magic since each kid was about 18 months old. I’d say we’ve gone right to 3 a single digit number of times, across both kids.

Thanks for your perspective. I’m having trouble understanding how jumping on the couch isn’t in everyone’s dangerous category. It literally doesn’t fit in my head. I’m worried he’ll get a concussion or break a leg. If I use the counting procedure, they can get a full 9 seconds of jumping in. Every time. Maybe I just grew up in an unusually well-behaved circle of children, but I’d literally never seen another child jump on furniture before mine did it. I’ve tried time-out, but I’ve always included the no-fun conversation in the past, which I’m thinking may be part of the problem.

So, while I understand that this isn’t quite running in the street, why isn’t this in your dangerous category?

The odds of them breaking a leg from jumping on the couch while you are there counting them down are very low. It’s just not in the same category as running in the street.

And if they repeat behaviours after being put in a timeout, you may want to consider if a timeout is the most appropriate punishment. It wasn’t for my kids. They were a bit younger than yours when we started 123, but for them the currency was the hour of tv they got to watch. It was so hard on me to cut that out, but boy did that lesson stick.