Over the top birthday gift - do I need to reciprocate?
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Anonymous
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My DD (10) became friendly with someone new this school year and they have gotten pretty close. DD’s birthday was in April and this friend got her a very over the top gift that cost $200. It was something my DD really wanted and loves, but it was beyond unnecessary.
Now this girl’s birthday is coming up and I am really struggling with how much to spend. We live in an affluent suburb but people typically spend $40-50 on birthday gifts, maybe $60 for a best friend. We can afford to spend $200 on the friend, but it just seems so crazy and unnecessary to me. These kids get so many gifts and forget about them the next day. Plus, none of these kids *need* anything of course, it’s just more stuff to accumulate. How much would you spend if the money isn’t really an object? I don’t want to look cheap or offend them by getting something chinsy, but refuse to spend $200 on principle. |
Anonymous
| I would spend $60-80 and not give it another thought. |
Anonymous
| I spend 20-30. this is crazy. |
Anonymous
| $40-60 sounds completely reasonable to me. I would not spend $200 just because they did. |
Anonymous
| You don’t know what they paid for something, could have gotten it on sale or regifted it. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
| I like to give the gift that fits the person or kid don't expect tit for tat on price, i would try to be thoughtful in giving something that the other child will like and not worry about matching the dollar amount. |
Anonymous
+2. Above is reasonable. $200 is not and you don’t need to match it. Just make sure your DD thank the families for being so generous and let them know she loved the gift. |
Anonymous
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Why did you keep it?
If it's really worth $200 to you, thank the parents for the amazing thoughtfulness, and give them back some of the price, and give their kid a reasonable gift or no gift. Giving perfunctory not worthwhile gifts to your kids friends out of a sense of obligation is a bad habit. |
Anonymous
WTF? Did your daughter ask her what she wanted for her birthday? The friend got your child a present that she wanted. I would do the same for that one special friend. Odds are it won’t be as much money. Next time maybe go over a list of items she is interested in and let her know the prices and which ones are inappropriate to ask friends to get. |
Anonymous
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Some of these numbers are insane. My child is too young to be going to birthday parties but there is no chance I'm spending 60-80 bucks for their friend's birthday gift. Hell I spend about 25-35 bucks for birthdays and Christmas for my own nieces and nephews and I make plenty to afford more.
Some of you have lost your mind spending $80 on a 10 year old's birthday. |
Anonymous
It’s not the norm except sometimes with best friends. But why are you so stingy with your own family? You make plenty! |
Anonymous
My family was never a big birthday family growing up and my siblings have mostly done the same. It's not like they don't celebrate. Each kid gets to pick out what they have for dinner and there is a cake and presents, but they don't make people worship the ground they walk on like some families do on birthdays. Also that is not being stingy, 25-35 is plenty for a toy or or whatever for the younger kids and a gift card or money or the older ones. |
Anonymous
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This is why it should be no gifts across the board.
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Anonymous
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I would make some effort to get something the friend would like versus a generic gift but would stick to my normal birthday budget.
This has happened to us a few times. You don't know if they actually paid $200 first of all. Twice this happened because the family was new in town and just so happy to have someone who was friendly with their child. |