SAHM-No Kids- The New Trend?

[Anonymous]

Stay at home man-friend with no kids I have been hearing more and more about men in their 40's and 50's seeking out financially stable women to take care of them. Most are under employed, or are not working all together...

Anyone experiencing this? My girlfriend who is divorced and 43, says she is coming across this more and more. Men who just find ways not to have real jobs!

[Anonymous]

There have always been losers, prior generations of women were smart enough not to date/ marry them.

[Anonymous]

I was at my office Thursday and chatting with a female partner. When she mentioned her husband I asked if he was also a lawyer. Nope. Oh, what does he do? He is a house-husband. Honestly, she made it sound great - he does all the cooking and cleaning and errands and bill-paying, etc. I was like "yes, sign me up for one of those please!" jokingly.

I mentioned it to a friend and she said she thought the partner's husband has mental health issues and that's why he doesn't work. This has been their setup for over a decade.

So maybe men who don't work have some personal struggles going on.

[Anonymous]

Every female partner I know has a househusband. Every single one (and yes I work in a big firm)

[Anonymous]

Prior generations of women didn't have the financial capacity to give their spouse and themselves the privilege to have someone focus on their household. Big law partners male or female have enough job requirements that it is enlightened self interest to have a stay at home spouse

[Anonymous]

BIL is this, though they do have one elementary school kid. SIL is successful and basically gives him a list of tasks every day. We’re thrilled that he managed to marry up in such a spectacular way.

Before he married her he floated from dead end job to dead end job always finding something “unbearable” about the job. Really he’s just entitled and soft and has untreated ADHD but this setup works so well for him. She does his executive functioning for him. SIL seems to truly appreciate that she can focus on her career and doesn’t have to worry about laundry or dinner or school pickups.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was at my office Thursday and chatting with a female partner. When she mentioned her husband I asked if he was also a lawyer. Nope. Oh, what does he do? He is a house-husband. Honestly, she made it sound great - he does all the cooking and cleaning and errands and bill-paying, etc. I was like "yes, sign me up for one of those please!" jokingly.

I mentioned it to a friend and she said she thought the partner's husband has mental health issues and that's why he doesn't work. This has been their setup for over a decade.

So maybe men who don't work have some personal struggles going on.

Generally it's a little of both, and what you want to categorize as "personal struggles" may not be that visible to you.
That goes for couples with and without kids. I knew a couple in a European country with 7 children and a stay at home husband. He was perfectly nice, if a little harried, and the wife was away half the time because she was an elected representative in the European parliament. She was way more suited to the executive life than he was. Not sure he had any "personal struggles"... but he was definitely a gentle, slightly distracted sort of person who went at his own pace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:BIL is this, though they do have one elementary school kid. SIL is successful and basically gives him a list of tasks every day. We’re thrilled that he managed to marry up in such a spectacular way.

Before he married her he floated from dead end job to dead end job always finding something “unbearable” about the job. Really he’s just entitled and soft and has untreated ADHD but this setup works so well for him. She does his executive functioning for him. SIL seems to truly appreciate that she can focus on her career and doesn’t have to worry about laundry or dinner or school pickups.

If he can drop off and pick up on time, then he only has very mild ADHD. My ADHD husband is always late to those things. When he makes dinner, it's often an hour late. He never thinks about enforcing bedtimes, or anything with a time attached. He wouldn't be able to navigate school activities. I've had to do that for my kids' entire childhoods, even when otherwise engaged.

Just want to point this out, in case you thought your BIL was a terrible loser. If he's holding up his end, he's actually a gem.

[Anonymous]

Some women think taking on an adult child is female empowerment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some women think taking on an adult child is female empowerment.

😂🤣😂

[Anonymous]

Why not? Women have been doing it for centuries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every female partner I know has a househusband. Every single one (and yes I work in a big firm)

It makes sense that their partners would work in a flexible career or stay at home (if there are kids.) this is often the case when the man is the law partner, and it’s because the hours are grueling. Kids require stable parental presence and if one parent is a law partner, the other needs to step it up at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every female partner I know has a househusband. Every single one (and yes I work in a big firm)

It makes sense that their partners would work in a flexible career or stay at home (if there are kids.) this is often the case when the man is the law partner, and it’s because the hours are grueling. Kids require stable parental presence and if one parent is a law partner, the other needs to step it up at home.

Not quite what op is talking about

[Anonymous]

If husband's job is not going to really move the needle financially and he is ok w/out the psychological support of self-importance or self fulfillment through work, why would you want him to work and have job demands that are not remunerative but interfere with getting things done for the family/household?

[Anonymous]

This is not a new trend at all. But if you have a gay one my brother will sign up. Super thanks!