Husband rewrites history

[Anonymous]

Anyone else?

Please, save the snarky responses - I am looking for commiseration and support. TIA.

[Anonymous]

Gonna need an example here.

[Anonymous]

That’s called gaslighting. It’s manipulative and abusive. I got out of a marriage to a man like that and am very happy with that decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That’s called gaslighting. It’s manipulative and abusive. I got out of a marriage to a man like that and am very happy with that decision.

OP here. Yes, I am discovering this, sadly.

[Anonymous]

[youtube]

Anonymous wrote:Gonna need an example here.

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[youtube]

Anonymous wrote:Gonna need an example here.

Exactly.

There is no one example. If husband is in the wrong, over time, the story will change to be more and more in his favor, until the story is completely different. It is usually if I bring up one of only a couple times of major wrongs, AND I only bring them up because he asks for examples. Only to find he has changed the story more. I do realize that DCUM likes to blame the OP.

[Anonymous]

Yeah…gaslighting = start lining things up for divorce and don’t have kids if you haven’t already!

[Anonymous]

Yep, he's a gaslighter. I'm so much happier without my ex, who was also a gaslighter.

[Anonymous]

I got out too. I love being single and free.

[Anonymous]

I started taping all our conversations so I could realize that I wasn't actually crazy and my memory was perfectly intact. Gaslighting. It does not change.

[Anonymous]

Everyone does this to some degree I guess, especially as time since the incident grows. I find the type of discussions you seem to be having a complete waste of time and a relationship killer in general. When someone is in the wrong you should both mature to the point that you acknowledge/apologize for it soon after and move on.

[Anonymous]

I'm a therapist and I have couples come to see me just to have a third-party witness to their disagreements.

I don't think it's always intentionally manipulative (though of course sometimes it is). Therapy can help determine whether it's intentional or not.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]That’s called gaslighting. It’s manipulative and abusive. I got out of a marriage to a man like that and am very happy with that decision. [/quote]

This plus common in untreated adhd or asd men. They “don’t remember” what they agreed to do or the decision or what to do, and thus they don’t remember when they failed to do what was expected of them.

The worst of them argue like a psycho their new fake narrative.

Keep a logbook of truths so you can see how often they are lying or making up falsities. Then you’ll know you can not trust nor rely on them for anything. Very unfortunate but true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a therapist and I have couples come to see me just to have a third-party witness to their disagreements.

I don't think it's always intentionally manipulative (though of course sometimes it is). Therapy can help determine whether it's intentional or not.

So if it’s not intentional does the mentally disordered partner go see a psychologist and psychiatrist?

Otherwise outcome is the same: major disagreements about what actually just happened or was said.

[Anonymous]

In some people it's a self-defense mechanism--fear of being wrong, self-worth hit if they are wrong, in trouble if they are wrong--due to childhood trauma. I've seen some people close to me who don't even realize they are doing it.

With one person I find that I can firmly but kindly state the facts. In the beginning they would push back. But I did it enough that they started to see what they were doing. I care about this person deeply, and I knew it had nothing to do with me, and everything to do with them and their past. So it was well worth it to me to help resolve the problem.

Plus, I have a prodigious memory and can't un-know something once I've seen, read, heard it. And they know that.