When did it hit DH doesn’t like you?
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Anonymous
| It recently hit me DH doesn’t like me. Why? He does not make the effort to spend time with me and when I suggest anything his response is Luke warm— like sure, if you want to. I gave him much more credit than he deserves. This has freed me to develop more friendships (including platonic) outside my marriage. |
Anonymous
| When he slept with someone 10+ years older than me with no job and mental health issues |
Anonymous
I mean this gently, but how was that about YOU? |
Anonymous
NP. But surely the status of their marriage wasn't irrelevant to this? |
Anonymous
It wasn’t about her but that is a sign of his utter contempt and disregard for her. |
Anonymous
| I didn’t realize it until he left. |
Anonymous
| During the third decade of our marriage it hit me that he seemed to dislike or disapprove of everything I liked or was important to me and decisions I made. When we would attempt to discuss this he would start a lot of sentences with "If you would just..." and continue with what I needed to do differently. It kind of smacked me in the face that he didn't really like me anymore. He was pretty hard to like at that point too. We had no sex life cementing any bonds we previously had either. My kids were grown by then so that was the end of our marriage. |
Anonymous
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He told our therapist that the resented my competence and would purposely do things to throw me off so he could see me hurt and disoriented.
He hates himself way more than he dislikes me, though. |
Anonymous
| You're probably miserable for him to be around OP. |
Anonymous
How is that about "disliking" you? Tons of spouses like and love their SO, but still cheat. |
Anonymous
| Men don't always understand that women need to be shown that their opinion matter, that their existence matter, I think a lot of women can relate to OP. I was like OP's husband pre-therapy. |
Anonymous
Have you made the connection between this and you being lukewarm about his sexual advances and just drip feeding him occasional pity sex? |
Anonymous
"Including platonic "? So you have an AP? |
Anonymous
No I don’t have an AP. Far from it. I was just pointing out i have started to develop friendships with whomever I click with on a human level, which would include men. That’s why I said freed myself. I’d be a fool to wait for DH to see me and treat me just like anyone else. With some modicum of respect and a hint of give a phuk. Right now it’s just me hitting up against a wall. It can be maddening if that’s your only intimate connection. I just spent the morning trying to start a conversation with him. So painful. He is not capable of engaging in honest conversation. I lay it all out there and zilch, nada, zero. He has got to be a narcissist who thinks he’s a gift to women just because he does basic things—- go to work, house chores. I should be grateful and kiss his feet? I might if he actually cared. But maybe that’s asking for too much. Maybe I should just stroke his ego and make him feel like a big man. But I have a feeling he’d still be a miserable person. I keep telling myself not to have any expectations, but I can’t help myself. Then why are we married if we just go through the motions? I’ve tried and I just can’t do that. I won’t. |
Anonymous
You need marriage counseling. This is way beyond you two reconnecting and you need professional help. |