Stealing

[Anonymous]

My son just turned 5 and is in PK 4. Recently he has been stealing things from his sister’s room, his classroom and from a friend’s house.

Nothing of value, like a pretty sea shell, a squishy tiny toy, etc. All things that can fit in his hand. He comes home with them, shows them to me, and tells me he borrowed them. He also tells me not to get angry (I never did). I always make him return everything, but he just puts the items back without anyone noticing (I think).

His sister never did anything like this. When I ask him why he does it he says that it’s because he does not have that specific item and likes it.

What should I do?

Thanks

[Anonymous]

Normal childhood phase. Talk about empathy. Don’t punish. Don’t use public shame.

I know it seems like a good idea to have him apologize etc but you don’t want him to get a reputation for stealing. He will likely grow out of it but his reputation could stick.

[Anonymous]

Thank you! I will try to do this.

[Anonymous]

I did this once or twice when I was a kid. When I was caught I had to apologize and that bit of embarrassment/shame was enough to prevent me from stealing again. Only you know is this will work on your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did this once or twice when I was a kid. When I was caught I had to apologize and that bit of embarrassment/shame was enough to prevent me from stealing again. Only you know is this will work on your kid.

This will work for most kids. If this was a 10 year old, I would say there should be a serious talk and consequences, but 5 year olds mostly want to do the right thing and just don’t know any better. And I wouldn’t mention the value of the objects - at this age, there is no difference between taking a rare coin and taking a seashell - they don’t understand the value of objects as well as as 10-12 year old. I would treat the topic in the same matter of fact way that you treat other behaviors - stepping on bugs, being polite to adults, etc.

[Anonymous]

Call the police on him.

[Anonymous]

You need to make sure he understands the difference between borrowing and stealing. What he’s doing is stealing, not borrowing. You have to ask first if you want to borrow something.

Work on borrowing items from him, asking first, and giving it back when you say you will. Hey larlo can I borrow your favorite animal tonight? I promise I’ll give it back in the morning. (And don’t forget.)

If he keeps stealing then I’d take a couple of his favorite items out of his bedroom and tell him someone stole them and you hope they make a good choice and give them back. Wait a few days and things reappear along with an apology note for stealing. If he steals again take something else but it doesn’t come back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did this once or twice when I was a kid. When I was caught I had to apologize and that bit of embarrassment/shame was enough to prevent me from stealing again. Only you know is this will work on your kid.

This will work for most kids. If this was a 10 year old, I would say there should be a serious talk and consequences, but 5 year olds mostly want to do the right thing and just don’t know any better. And I wouldn’t mention the value of the objects - at this age, there is no difference between taking a rare coin and taking a seashell - they don’t understand the value of objects as well as as 10-12 year old. I would treat the topic in the same matter of fact way that you treat other behaviors - stepping on bugs, being polite to adults, etc.

I absolutely knew that stealing was wrong when I was give and taught my children that stealing was wrong. What's wrong with you?