DH did not plan bday dinner

[Anonymous]

DH is not a birthday guy. He has never been good at acknowledging my birthday. He has a lot of good qualities, but this isn’t one of them. He’s not a bad guy, Just doesn’t always pick up on things he’s supposed to do.

This year I had a milestone birthday. As with every year, he didn’t really acknowledge it. This always makes me a little bummed, but I’m not sure what else I can do. The thing is, he asked me a few weeks ago if I wanted to go to dinner for my birthday. I said yes, that would be great. I thought, since he asked, he’d follow through. But nothing.

I would like to plan my own belated birthday dinner out, but not sure if I should. So do I…. 1) Just do nothing, 2) take the kids out and tell him he can stay home and have his own time, or 3) take the kids out and invite him?

[Anonymous]

Stop making this A Thing. He will never do the planning for your birthday. I know that. Why don’t you? Just plan what you want to do and announce that it’s happening and when.

[Anonymous]

Number 3.

[Anonymous]

Just plan what you want to do for your birthday and invite everything. Your spouse isn’t going to be your everything. If he is generally wonderful but not good at birthdays, accept it and move on. I wasn’t raised in a family that did much for birthdays even when kids. It didn’t mean it wasn’t a family full of love, it’s just that we weren’t into birthdays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop making this A Thing. He will never do the planning for your birthday. I know that. Why don’t you? Just plan what you want to do and announce that it’s happening and when.

I had actually thought of that this year, and was planning to do it, but then he came out and actually asked. I probably should’ve said no thanks, I’ll plan something myself, when he asked in the first place

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop making this A Thing. He will never do the planning for your birthday. I know that. Why don’t you? Just plan what you want to do and announce that it’s happening and when.

+1 it’s clear he will never do it exactly how you want, so just plan it yourself.

[Anonymous]

Did you ask him… “Hey, what happened to the birthday dinner you were planning?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you ask him… “Hey, what happened to the birthday dinner you were planning?”

You should plan whatever you want but I do think it’s worth asking what happened this year since he actually asked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH is not a birthday guy. He has never been good at acknowledging my birthday. He has a lot of good qualities, but this isn’t one of them. He’s not a bad guy, Just doesn’t always pick up on things he’s supposed to do.

This year I had a milestone birthday. As with every year, he didn’t really acknowledge it. This always makes me a little bummed, but I’m not sure what else I can do. The thing is, he asked me a few weeks ago if I wanted to go to dinner for my birthday. I said yes, that would be great. I thought, since he asked, he’d follow through. But nothing.

I would like to plan my own belated birthday dinner out, but not sure if I should. So do I…. 1) Just do nothing, 2) take the kids out and tell him he can stay home and have his own time, or 3) take the kids out and invite him?

Seems like you are thinking of your own celebration in terms of how you can punish/teach your DH. I suggest thinking about it instead in terms of what type of event you want to have and how you would have the most fun. Whatever that is, do that. Don't make your belated celebration about him. Personally, I would want my DH there.

[Anonymous]

1. You know he's not like this. You've accepted it for years.


2. It's 8:30 in the morning I don't eat dinner then don't know many who do. You can still have dinner tonight.


3. If you wanted a big celebration with all your friends and family you should have said exactly that.

[Anonymous]

Every year I plan a Caribbean trip for my birthday. Win, win and I'm never disappointed. Husband is happy that I'm happy.

[Anonymous]

Plan your own thing and just tell him you were expecting a dinner since he asked. Not a big deal here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop making this A Thing. He will never do the planning for your birthday. I know that. Why don’t you? Just plan what you want to do and announce that it’s happening and when.

+1 it’s clear he will never do it exactly how you want, so just plan it yourself.

+2. Now you know…time to move on and make some plans. An adult birthday is not a big deal to many people. But it’s a good enough reason, if you needed one, to treat yourself and include him if you want. Happy birthday to you!

[Anonymous]

My DH is similar. He is happy to accommodate any occasion, just clueless on how to do it / and what the expectations are. We resolved this early in our marriage with a "family traditions" book that spells out what we do for each holiday (i.e. Mother's Day should be card, flowers, breakfast when I wake up, not a card at 5 pm after not acknowledging all day 🙄). For milestone birthdays, we plan together, no surprises. I think this just boils down to communication. Ideally verbally, but if your husband forgets every year, put it in writing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. You know he's not like this. You've accepted it for years.


2. It's 8:30 in the morning I don't eat dinner then don't know many who do. You can still have dinner tonight.


3. If you wanted a big celebration with all your friends and family you should have said exactly that.

It’s not too late to celebrate if you want to. Take charge of your own fun.