If someone has baggage (divorced or kids) from another relationship

[Anonymous]

And you are single and child free do you ask questions about their past? Current guy I'm dating doesn't like the questions I've been asking. For example, why the divorce and what he learned from it, etc.

[Anonymous]

If you refer to other human beings as "baggage", you're probably trash.

People had lives before they met you. That doesn't give you the right to interrogate them. Why your last breakup, and what did you learn from it? A divorce is a breakup the government knows about. It's not all that different. Plenty of people have breakup histories that are just as much "baggage" as a divorce.

Candidly, you sound like one of them.

[Anonymous]

As the person who is divorced and raised a kid as a single mom, I can say I don’t really recall anyone ever asking me those questions and it would have made me uncomfortable. I’m sure enough information came out eventually when I was in a relationship, but I would have been turned off if they pried early on. MYOB

[Anonymous]

Divorce and kids are baggage.

[Anonymous]

He prob cheated, is not fully divorced, doesn’t see his kids often etc. I would not be comfortable dating someone who isn’t transparent abt these things bc they speak to his character.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you refer to other human beings as "baggage", you're probably trash.

People had lives before they met you. That doesn't give you the right to interrogate them. Why your last breakup, and what did you learn from it? A divorce is a breakup the government knows about. It's not all that different. Plenty of people have breakup histories that are just as much "baggage" as a divorce.

Candidly, you sound like one of them.

Agree. OP, don’t date parents. You are already the villain stepparent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Divorce and kids are baggage.

All your cats and lonely nights are baggage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorce and kids are baggage.

All your cats and lonely nights are baggage.

Hahahaha!

[Anonymous]

How long have you been dating

[Anonymous]

OP, please don't date anyone who is divorced or has kids, if you are not able to consider things in a vaguely mature way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you refer to other human beings as "baggage", you're probably trash.

People had lives before they met you. That doesn't give you the right to interrogate them. Why your last breakup, and what did you learn from it? A divorce is a breakup the government knows about. It's not all that different. Plenty of people have breakup histories that are just as much "baggage" as a divorce.

Candidly, you sound like one of them.

If one is deciding whether or not to move forward in a relationship with someone else, she damn well better “interrogate” him. And if he doesn’t want to answer her reasonable questions about why a marriage with kids broke up, and he was willing to walk away from day to day life with his own kids just to get out of the marriage, she had best run like the wind in the other direction.

[Anonymous]

I’m remarried, and my husband was also married before we met. We spoke at length about mistakes we made, etc in our previous marriages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m remarried, and my husband was also married before we met. We spoke at length about mistakes we made, etc in our previous marriages.

Exactly.

Also, if you’re single and child free, then it makes sense to refer to someone’s ex souse and kids as baggage. It may be a loaded term and that’s what’s setting people off, but it is a huge weight they are bringing into a relationship. If they can’t answer your questions, absolutely move on to someone who is also child-free.

[Anonymous]

I think it might be how your asking op?

I generally agree with you that it's good to have these conversations.

But the tone of your post is off putting and judgemental if that's how rs coming across in real life I can see how he might be reluctant to answer.


There's also factors such as how long you have been dating and if you're exclusive. Nin my view you're not entitled to deeply personal information in the first month or two of dating.

You know the basics he was divorced and has kids.


What else have you learned?

The attitude you project in your post also makes it seem as you think you are perfect and a divorce is a huge character flaw?. What are you offering about yourself?. What questions are you answering?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m remarried, and my husband was also married before we met. We spoke at length about mistakes we made, etc in our previous marriages.

Exactly.

Also, if you’re single and child free, then it makes sense to refer to someone’s ex souse and kids as baggage. It may be a loaded term and that’s what’s setting people off, but it is a huge weight they are bringing into a relationship. If they can’t answer your questions, absolutely move on to someone who is also child-free.

Np here. . I'm single with no kids and I would not use such terminology. It's crass and immature and indicates a person has an extremely narrow world view .

It's good to have conversations to hear their side of things etc
But theirs such a thing as tact and rapid fire questions in which you refer to another person's life as baggage and behave condescendingly isn't the way to go about it.