Considering a third child but got a lot of joint pain after second

[Anonymous]

The second child, a boy, is now 4.5 years old. I am 36, so the clock is ticking. The second pregnancy was pretty bad, but the baby was born at 38 weeks. I started wearing custom orthotics around six months ago due to foot and knee pain. Rheumatologists haven't been able to figure out why I have knee pain. I feel good when I am very strict about no gluten and very little sugar. Granted, I won't be able to do super high-impact stuff like jumping jacks, running, CrossFit, probably ever. Anyway, the clock is ticking as I am 36. I have two boys. I have been emotional about trying to be a girl for the last two years. I would be happy and fine if I had another boy. DH and I have most of our family living abroad, making us want to have a bigger family. Doctors don't know why I have the joint pain... some suggest it's just a bad core, and I need to work on strengthening it, and I have been doing PT regularly. I am petite and small-boned... I don't know why I have the joint pain... I've never met another mom who has gone through exactly what I have.. most aren't talking about wearing special inserts in their shoes ... If anyone has gone through something similar, I am all ears. Thank you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The second child, a boy, is now 4.5 years old. I am 36, so the clock is ticking. The second pregnancy was pretty bad, but the baby was born at 38 weeks. I started wearing custom orthotics around six months ago due to foot and knee pain. Rheumatologists haven't been able to figure out why I have knee pain. I feel good when I am very strict about no gluten and very little sugar. Granted, I won't be able to do super high-impact stuff like jumping jacks, running, CrossFit, probably ever. Anyway, the clock is ticking as I am 36. I have two boys. I have been emotional about trying to be a girl for the last two years. I would be happy and fine if I had another boy. DH and I have most of our family living abroad, making us want to have a bigger family. Doctors don't know why I have the joint pain... some suggest it's just a bad core, and I need to work on strengthening it, and I have been doing PT regularly. I am petite and small-boned... I don't know why I have the joint pain... I've never met another mom who has gone through exactly what I have.. most aren't talking about wearing special inserts in their shoes ... If anyone has gone through something similar, I am all ears. Thank you


Op here. I started wearing the custom shoe inserts 6 months POSTPARTUM, so for 4 years now, I have been wearing them consistently. Even before my first pregnancy, my feet would hurt, but I never had joint pain. I would ask for many foot massages from DH, even with my first child. The foot doctor said I need the inserts due to anterior tendonitis, but that doesn't make a lot of sense because anterior tendonitis is supposed to heal. I have moved a few times to different states since seeing that doctor. A doctor here looked at my X-rays and said nothing appeared wrong. I tried not wearing them, and that sucked. If I don't wear them, my knee will start hurting.

[Anonymous]

Op here. I started wearing the custom shoe inserts 6 months POSTPARTUM, so for 4 years now, I have been wearing them consistently. Even before my first pregnancy, my feet would hurt, but I never had joint pain. I would ask for many foot massages from DH, even with my first child. The foot doctor said I need the inserts due to anterior tendonitis, but that doesn't make a lot of sense because anterior tendonitis is supposed to heal. I have moved a few times to different states since seeing that doctor. A doctor here looked at my X-rays and said nothing appeared wrong. I tried not wearing them, and that sucked. If I don't wear them, my knee will start hurting.

[Anonymous]

I have had a steady decline in the condition of my foot/ankle/heel since my late 30s and now I'm late 40s. Inserts help with another foot issue I have but not ankle/heel pain.

Auto-immune stuff was ruled out as was heel spurs. It feels arthritic and I get tender heels a lot, too. Not sure what kind of doctor to see next. Podiatrists have been useless.

OP, maybe try swimming or another form of exercise that won't aggravate this?

[Anonymous]

Eliminate gluten and sugar permanently. Both gluten and sugar cause high levels of inflammation. Inflammation causes pain.

I've been gluten free for 13 years due to a different health situation. My joint pain went away I would say around 97% of the time by going gluten free. If I overdue it with sports I feel a twinge.

[Anonymous]

A lot of people wear inserts by age 45. You are not alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have had a steady decline in the condition of my foot/ankle/heel since my late 30s and now I'm late 40s. Inserts help with another foot issue I have but not ankle/heel pain.

Auto-immune stuff was ruled out as was heel spurs. It feels arthritic and I get tender heels a lot, too. Not sure what kind of doctor to see next. Podiatrists have been useless.

OP, maybe try swimming or another form of exercise that won't aggravate this?

OP here. I only do low-impact stuff, and I love swimming. I'm already unhappy with my health.. being in pain sucks, but I have stuff I do to keep it under control. I guess part of me is like can it really get worse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eliminate gluten and sugar permanently. Both gluten and sugar cause high levels of inflammation. Inflammation causes pain.

I've been gluten free for 13 years due to a different health situation. My joint pain went away, I would say, around 97% of the time by going gluten-free. If I overdue it with sports I feel a twinge.

OP here. I am trying SO HARD to do this. I have been gluten-free for almost 2 weeks now. I know it's not a lot, but it's something. I think things will be much better when I am consistent with this. We eat pizza from Costco every week, and I always get knee pain the next day. I think some part of me doesn't believe gluten can cause this much pain because so many people dismiss it, or I think I like restricting my diet/making fun of people who have these kinds of diets. When I do bring it up with people, they immediately will say oh, that's why you're thin. It also doesn't help that doctors haven't been able to diagnose me with anything. They have been very dismissive, so I gave up on that. I have also been taking a turmeric w/ black pepper supplement to help with inflammation. I read it was suggested by the arthritis foundation as some studies concluded that it helps reduce inflammation.

[Anonymous]

Well, I have 5 autoimmune diagnoses and hurt every moment of every day in most parts of my body. My pain started in my late 20s and it didn’t stop me from having two kids. My pain issues are pretty horrible but I’m glad I have both kids.

You don’t really even know if these two things are linked. Are you concerned it will get worse with a third kid? Or are you just worried that it will be too hard to carry a baby around? It is hard to tell why the pain and a decision about a baby are linked for you. I’m not saying they shouldn’t be linked — I just can’t tell what exactly you are worried about.

In my case, I ended up with a kid with profound disabilities. The reality is that changing diapers, bathing, etc a teenager is incredibly difficult for me at age 50 given my pain. But being stuck with a child that needs total care for life is a pretty rare occurrence. And we are lucky enough to be able to outsource most of the physical labor.

[Anonymous]

Personally I would not have a third in your situation.

Not worth a deterioration in health, always a roll of the dice after 35 when you already have two healthy kids, and never a good idea to have the motivation being "try for a girl" even if you'd be "ok with a boy."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, I have 5 autoimmune diagnoses and hurt every moment of every day in most parts of my body. My pain started in my late 20s and it didn’t stop me from having two kids. My pain issues are pretty horrible but I’m glad I have both kids.

You don’t really even know if these two things are linked. Are you concerned it will get worse with a third kid? Or are you just worried that it will be too hard to carry a baby around? It is hard to tell why the pain and a decision about a baby are linked for you. I’m not saying they shouldn’t be linked — I just can’t tell what exactly you are worried about.

In my case, I ended up with a kid with profound disabilities. The reality is that changing diapers, bathing, etc a teenager is incredibly difficult for me at age 50 given my pain. But being stuck with a child that needs total care for life is a pretty rare occurrence. And we are lucky enough to be able to outsource most of the physical labor.

OP here. Yes, because all of these issues started after the second pregnancy, and pregnancies, for me, aren't fun. I get sciatica, and they are harder on my joints than the average person. I am sorry you are in pain. I work with adults who have developmental delays. It very taking for support staff and parents. Thanks for responding.

[Anonymous]

Stop eating pizza from Costco. Stop eating all junk or processed food. Your kids shouldn’t be eating that stuff either.

I think a third kid is worth it. Go for it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I would not have a third in your situation.

Not worth a deterioration in health, it always a roll of the dice after 35 when you already have two healthy kids, and never a good idea to have the motivation being "try for a girl" even if you'd be "ok with a boy."

OP here. I would be happy regardless, but I think it's natural to want a different gender. If I had a boy and a girl now, I would probably want a third.
When we go to events, I get lonely, and I see that daughters tend to be more emotionally present for their moms. When we go to events, they tend to be separated by gender, as I am Muslim. I am not only thinking of having another child for holiday parties, but I get more emotional during the holidays. During Ramadan, there is more time to reflect, and I have been thinking about it for the last two years. If I didn't have health problems, I would have tried for another already.

[Anonymous]

The odds say #3 will be a boy so keep that in mind.

As for joint pain you probably don't want to hear what I have to say. I had scleritis after #2. It's an eye condition only associated with autoimmune diseases. None of the specialists I saw could identify the autoimmune issue. Eye issue resolved. NBD, right?

Next pregnancy ended in a 15 week loss. I've since lost 5 more pregnancies all chromosomally normal. I'm currently under a very strict protocol with weekly ultrasounds and blood tests which have shown that my immune system is attacking the pregnancies.

So proceed with caution. It's been a rough 3 years for me. If I knew this at the beginning I can't say that I would have gone down this road.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I would not have a third in your situation.

Not worth a deterioration in health, it always a roll of the dice after 35 when you already have two healthy kids, and never a good idea to have the motivation being "try for a girl" even if you'd be "ok with a boy."

OP here. I would be happy regardless, but I think it's natural to want a different gender. If I had a boy and a girl now, I would probably want a third.
When we go to events, I get lonely, and I see that daughters tend to be more emotionally present for their moms. When we go to events, they tend to be separated by gender, as I am Muslim. I am not only thinking of having another child for holiday parties, but I get more emotional during the holidays. During Ramadan, there is more time to reflect, and I have been thinking about it for the last two years. If I didn't have health problems, I would have tried for another already.

You are saying that you desperately want a girl and you are also saying you would be Ok with a boy. This is not logical or possible. I would focus your energy on accepting what you have and trying to figure out how to make it work.