Does your ASD teen with severe anxiety attend IEP meetings in HS?

[Anonymous]

I am curious to know whether ASD teens (socially affected only) attend the IEP meetings? My 14yo was recently diagnosed with autism and has struggled emotionally with the diagnosis. We never talk about autism at home, but I think his therapist brings it up in their conversations. I feel reluctant to include him in the IEP meetings, but I am curious to know what other parents do.

[Anonymous]

Starting at age 14 I don't think you have a choice. Students are required to be included. But I don't know of any requirement that says students can't depart the meeting early.

Also, check your school system's post-HS transition plan. These often start at age 14. The case manager should walk you through this.

How long has your DS had an IEP? How aware is he of what the document says?

[Anonymous]

At some point our kids need to take responsibility for their disability management. Attending the IEP meeting is a big part of that.

[Anonymous]

Some of them. He really hated it. I don’t think anyone would enjoy a situation in which one’s deficits are pointed out and failures discussed. It was hard to discuss some of the true pain points with him present, TBH. Can he attend the first ten minutes or something like that?

It didn’t seem to help and only put him in a negative frame of mind.

[Anonymous]

It's time to talk to him about autism.

Re: IEP meetings, they don't have to be all or nothing. He can come in the beginning to talk about what's working and what's not working and then leave for the arguing. He should be there for the conversation about the transition plan/goals.

[Anonymous]

My ASD teen attends their IEP meetings and the school has remarked on how they have perspective into their disability that is helpful in implementing the IEP. I'll also note that my kid's anxiety was higher in the days before we talked about their ASD more openly, when we first found out about it when kid was a tween. The more comfortable they've become talking about their autism and their resulting needs because of it, the more their anxiety seems to have eased, but YMMV. Also note that kid is happy they are learning to advocate for their needs (and I agree it's good for them to have that skill).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At some point our kids need to take responsibility for their disability management. Attending the IEP meeting is a big part of that.

My experience with ASD is there is a huge difference between accommodations meetings in college, where the student is genuinely a partner, driving the requests and decision making, and high school IEP meetings, where the kid is there but gets very little say in anything and is mostly the subject of discussion. It wasn’t empowering at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am curious to know whether ASD teens (socially affected only) attend the IEP meetings? My 14yo was recently diagnosed with autism and has struggled emotionally with the diagnosis. We never talk about autism at home, but I think his therapist brings it up in their conversations. I feel reluctant to include him in the IEP meetings, but I am curious to know what other parents do.

Aside from the IEP issue, I would talk about the dx. There’s no reason not to normalize it. My kid never brings it up or discusses it with us (he has had it since age 3) but for some kids it really helps them understand themselves. To me that’s separate from the IEP mtg question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Starting at age 14 I don't think you have a choice. Students are required to be included. But I don't know of any requirement that says students can't depart the meeting early.

Also, check your school system's post-HS transition plan. These often start at age 14. The case manager should walk you through this.

How long has your DS had an IEP? How aware is he of what the document says?

It’s not a requirement.

[Anonymous]

IEP meeting attendance is not required - my teen declines the invitation every time.

[Anonymous]

We thought our child would hate it, but due to his high anxiety he liked to hear what people were saying and not guessing. His favorite way to attend is actually being at home during a virtual meeting. He listens in without being on the screen (but everyone knew he was there). He could go to his room if he wanted, but he generally liked hearing it all.

I am assuming that due to the late diagnosis that your child is pretty high functioning. Your child should know their diagnosis and the supports given in school. If they are considering college, this time is crucial in building your child’s advocacy skills. Don’t shield him- prepare him for his future.

[Anonymous]

Our FCPS HS claimed that 14+ "had" to attend and then I reminded them that they are a minor and i am the parent who makes decisions.

I think the IEP meetings are so terrible and I don't want my child to see how awful the school is. I like them to think their teachers and admins care and these meetings show the worst of the school system