Should I say anything, like “positive reinforcement”?

[Anonymous]

I have never really gotten along with my SIL. She’s never been an easy person to get along with historically, even when she was a child, and just finds fault in and makes everything difficult. I dread visits. I dreaded our most recent visit. But shockingly, it was probably one of the nicest visits we’ve had in a really long time. It was carefree and relaxed, we laughed and joked, it was a breath of fresh air. I keep thinking I should reach out and tell her how much I enjoyed our most recent visit, like in a positive reinforcement-type way you might treat a child when they behave lol but then I think, that’s weird, and she might take it the wrong way. Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Meh, not if you think she will turn it around on you. I’d just work on recreating whatever it was that worked this time around, the next time around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meh, not if you think she will turn it around on you. I’d just work on recreating whatever it was that worked this time around, the next time around.

This.

[Anonymous]

You can send a note to thank her for the pleasant visit, but please stay brief and vague.

You don't know if good intervention (therapy, medication, absence of stress, etc), or bad intervention (drugs) contributed to this change.

[Anonymous]

Idk, since covid I've been trying this thing where if I think something nice, I express it, even with strangers. Who doesn't like to hear a compliment. So I say go for it.

[Anonymous]

You cannot predict how the other person will respond and “praise” can function as a reinforcer or punishment. I’d give it a shot but focus on specific one specific thing you really enjoyed. Something you can describe, like I really enjoyed sitting outside enjoying nature with you, not “that visit was a breath of fresh air.” You won’t know until you try.

[Anonymous]

Don't make a big deal of it but do say something nice.

Did you take any photos from the visit? If so, I'd find one or two good ones and send them along, with something like "This was so much fun! Found these on my phone and wanted to share." It conveys the same feeling as you are talking about without making it so clear that you disliked all previous visits.

If you don't have photos, just find some other thing to share -- a recipe for something you ate that she raved about, a link to a funny news story related to something you discussed, whatever.

It will encourage more of this kind of interaction -- relaxed, casual, friendly.

[Anonymous]

Not if it sounds any way as insincere as your post. Just say "we should get together soon, had a great time seeing you last month" but that might sound weird coming from someone who would view their SIL as a child to train. I can see why you don't usually get on.

[Anonymous]

Just leave well enough alone!!