Having surgery - handling telling parents

[Anonymous]

I am having surgery in a few weeks - hysterectomy/oophorectomy. It's not by choice - I have an ovarian cyst that needs to be biopsied. And uterine fibroids and polyps.

I'm 52 and my parents are in their early 80's. They are in good physical and mental health. I am struggling with this for a couple of reasons. One, my mom is going to worry and want to come here. Which would actually be fine except, two, they have a long-awaited overseas trip planned that I don't want them to cancel. My recovery is not nothing, but I'm having robotic surgery vice open surgery. My husband and teens can handle it.

I can't hide this from them but haven't told them anything yet - i.e. - I had a pelvic ultrasound and an MRI, multiple appointments. Would you tell them now or wait until closer to their trip so they aren't spending weeks worrying about this? I feel so bad on the timing and am dreading this conversation.

[Anonymous]

Why do you think you need to tell them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you think you need to tell them?

We are the kind of family that shares this information. There's no way I can just not tell them what's going on. We are close.

[Anonymous]

Then you tell them now but tell them you have all the support you need, they don’t need to cancel their plans, and it’s fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you think you need to tell them?

We are the kind of family that shares this information. There's no way I can just not tell them what's going on. We are close.

It’s ok to do things differently once in a while.

[Anonymous]

You tell them you're getting a procedure and downplay it. Stay cheery for a few days. Follow up when it's over (meaning have DH and kids do that). It'll be fine, and I hope your recovery is good!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you think you need to tell them?

We are the kind of family that shares this information. There's no way I can just not tell them what's going on. We are close.

It’s ok to do things differently once in a while.

Nope, if you have a "regular" family which most on here do not and your relationship with your parents is like mine, you need to tell them. Just make sure they know that your DH and children are all ready to make your life easy during the recovery phase and that you will look forward to seeing them after their trip. I would tell them that canceling their trip would just stress me out too much and it would be much easier on you if they were to keep their original plan. You and your family will communicate with them frequently to keep them updated and there really isn't anymore than can do than what your husband and children will be doing. Sorry for your health issue and hope all goes well. Sending big hugs!

[Anonymous]

Tell them a two days before the surgery. When is their trip? Can wait until they are on it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you think you need to tell them?

We are the kind of family that shares this information. There's no way I can just not tell them what's going on. We are close.

It’s ok to do things differently once in a while.

Nope, if you have a "regular" family which most on here do not and your relationship with your parents is like mine, you need to tell them. Just make sure they know that your DH and children are all ready to make your life easy during the recovery phase and that you will look forward to seeing them after their trip. I would tell them that canceling their trip would just stress me out too much and it would be much easier on you if they were to keep their original plan. You and your family will communicate with them frequently to keep them updated and there really isn't anymore than can do than what your husband and children will be doing. Sorry for your health issue and hope all goes well. Sending big hugs!

OP here.

Thank you to you and the other PPs that helped me get out of my head. This is of course the way through.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t tell them. It’s pretty routine and safe. You’d feel terrible if they canceled their trip

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you think you need to tell them?

We are the kind of family that shares this information. There's no way I can just not tell them what's going on. We are close.

It’s ok to do things differently once in a while.

Nope, if you have a "regular" family which most on here do not and your relationship with your parents is like mine, you need to tell them. Just make sure they know that your DH and children are all ready to make your life easy during the recovery phase and that you will look forward to seeing them after their trip. I would tell them that canceling their trip would just stress me out too much and it would be much easier on you if they were to keep their original plan. You and your family will communicate with them frequently to keep them updated and there really isn't anymore than can do than what your husband and children will be doing. Sorry for your health issue and hope all goes well. Sending big hugs!

OP here.

Thank you to you and the other PPs that helped me get out of my head. This is of course the way through.

That's the best choice. My family is the same way. Wishing you good health!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you think you need to tell them?

We are the kind of family that shares this information. There's no way I can just not tell them what's going on. We are close.

Even if you are close, telling them will probably stress you out. You need to focus on your health, not interpersonal drama.

There isn’t a way to give this news that will change that situation.

[Anonymous]

How long is your hospital stay? Can you wait and tell them afterwards? Especially, once you have biopsy results. I once needed a breast biopsy and it had to be done surgically. Result findings were normal so I opted not to tell my mom who I was very close to and not a crazy worry-wort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Then you tell them now but tell them you have all the support you need, they don’t need to cancel their plans, and it’s fine.

My family is like this as well. But this is one time where if I could avoid telling before their trip, I would. It is going to at a minimum put a damper on the trip if they know because they will worry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Then you tell them now but tell them you have all the support you need, they don’t need to cancel their plans, and it’s fine.

My family is like this as well. But this is one time where if I could avoid telling before their trip, I would. It is going to at a minimum put a damper on the trip if they know because they will worry.

Sorry I posted before I saw your response. Ignore this - you figured it out and have made a plan that you feel good about.