Has anyone successfully moved away

[Anonymous]

and changed yourself? By this, I mean I moved to a new state to get a fresh start and although my surrounding have changed and my home has changed. My DH is still mostly the same and at my core I feel the same. So does one really change when they move or is it just that you are adapting to your new surroundings?

There are changes that sort of happen by default too.

But is it wherever you go, there you are?

[Anonymous]

Idk what you are trying to change but for an average person, change of geography brings lot of changes. I moved states and countries and eventually grew into a very different person than had I stayed.

[Anonymous]

It is, wherever you go, there you are - for the most part.

However, getting out of ruts and toxic circumstances can help immensely.

[Anonymous]

You are still the same person in the same marriage but you can get away from competitiveness or bad peer pressure or lower your cost of living or improve your work life balance or access to nature. Things like that.

[Anonymous]

I did. I was struggling hard in my late 20s and didn't like who I was, where I was, or the people I was with. I was living in a large midwestern city and life was not good.

I applied to Tulane Law School, kind of on a whim, because ever since reading Anne Rice novels in high school I'd fantasized about living in New Orleans. The law school thing was because 1) I needed to do something that would feel like moving forward and up and that was totally different from what I had been doing, and 2) I knew my family would fund it.

Between New Orleans and law school my life totally changed, for the better, and I truly grew into an almost new person. Almost right away. I no longer practice, and I no longer live in NOLA, but I'm a different person and it's great. I don't know what would have happened to me if I hadn't moved -- I don't even want to think about it.

[Anonymous]

To some degree wherever you go there you are. But I moved to the opposite coast 20 years ago and part of it is me maturing and part is me learning a whole different way of thinking about things and my eyes being opened to different ways of approaching life.

[Anonymous]

Why would anyone change just because of relocating?

[Anonymous]

I am not from the US and lived in very different states over the years since moving here. Sure, I am the same person to some degree, but each place meant an entirely different life with different experiences, and these experiences do mean you grow as a person.

[Anonymous]

I am European and have lived for years in the US. Many of my friends hail from various parts of the globe.

Moving doesn't change you, OP. You are still the same person you always were. Over time, the hope is that people develop more self-awareness and resilience, and those skills can definitely change the way you respond to life events. But your core personality is gene-dependent and was inscribed at conception. At best you can manage your natural impulses, not transform them altogether.

[Anonymous]

I don't know but I would love to pick up and move. I would love to try another city that is closer to nature, with more sunshine and laid back people. DC people are so stressed, political and intense. Lots of people here have health issues related to stress. Most of my co-workers have high blood pressure, diabetes, cancer survivors and obesity. While I think some of these issues are food related, I notice that many people work very hard just survive the work, traffic, home cycle. When I travel to other low stress places and return, the stress of the DMV hits me hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know but I would love to pick up and move. I would love to try another city that is closer to nature, with more sunshine and laid back people. DC people are so stressed, political and intense. Lots of people here have health issues related to stress. Most of my co-workers have high blood pressure, diabetes, cancer survivors and obesity. While I think some of these issues are food related, I notice that many people work very hard just survive the work, traffic, home cycle. When I travel to other low stress places and return, the stress of the DMV hits me hard.

Truth ^^.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is, wherever you go, there you are - for the most part.

However, getting out of ruts and toxic circumstances can help immensely.

This.

It can be positive. We moved four years ago and it’s been very positive.

[Anonymous]

It is a little of both.

Yes, you are still you (& DH & kids are still who they are) in a new place.

But, you are not around others who maybe kept you in stasis -

“Larla is the ‘smart’ one” (or dumb, or pretty, or timid - you get it).

“Oh, Larla isn’t good at sports, she wouldn’t want to run the 5k”

“let’s go to your favorite restaurant every year for your bday” etc.

Doing new things - like moving to a new place, trying new hobbies, even finding new restaurants & things you like - can change the neural pathways. You can become a different person, by being in a different place & doing different things. Will that person be happier? I think so, but it’s back to the first part - wherever you go, there you are. See the Adam Sandler skit about the travel agent on SNL “If you were sad at home, you’re still going to be you, sad, in Italy”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did. I was struggling hard in my late 20s and didn't like who I was, where I was, or the people I was with. I was living in a large midwestern city and life was not good.

I applied to Tulane Law School, kind of on a whim, because ever since reading Anne Rice novels in high school I'd fantasized about living in New Orleans. The law school thing was because 1) I needed to do something that would feel like moving forward and up and that was totally different from what I had been doing, and 2) I knew my family would fund it.

Between New Orleans and law school my life totally changed, for the better, and I truly grew into an almost new person. Almost right away. I no longer practice, and I no longer live in NOLA, but I'm a different person and it's great. I don't know what would have happened to me if I hadn't moved -- I don't even want to think about it.

I named my child Rowan because of Anne Rice’s books so I get it

[Anonymous]

I’m a big “wherever you go” person but environment also matters. My life was totally different depending on where I lived:

Rural T, upstate NY, Spain, Manhattan etc.

Wherever you go doesn’t mean you don’t grow, learn etc. It means: 1. you can’t escape how you show up and 2: pay attention, be present, because even the little things are what makes a life.